10/6/07

Yesterday at work we had our one on one meetings that we have everyweek to go through our performance and to see if we are having any problems or have any issues we want to raise. These meetings are one of the reasons why I like where I work. I like that they make the time once a week to talk with us. Usually it is either my boss or one of the senior consultants who does this.

Usually my one on ones are very short and sweet, I love working there, never have any problems or complaints and my boss/senior consultants seems to be happy with me. Very occasionally they will point out something that will help me improve, but over all they have always been excellent.

Yesterday one of the senior consultants who I admire alot did my one on one and it didn’t go so well. I won’t go into the in’s and out’s of it but she said to me that apparently I look very unmotivated and like I was looking for an excuse to leave and that everyone had noticed this.

I was gut punched. I honestly thought since returning to work I had been doing well considering I was still recovering. I am still constantly tired, but had been trying really hard to put on a good front and not let other people see. I told her this and she said I needed to be aware and maybe make more of an effort. This particular senior consultant is a colleague that I also think very highly of, she is one of the ones that interviewed me and a part of the reason why I accepted the role. I am also shocked by this as she has also suffered some pretty horrendous health problems in the past and I thought she would be more sympathetic and understanding and see that I was trying. Either that or I really have been a misery guts.

Anyway there isn’t much I can do about this till Monday, so on Monday I am going to have a talk with my boss about it and how it made me feel and how much I have been trying. Last week was a bit of a push, I worked 3 and a half days which is the longest I have worked in 5 weeks and considering in the last 5 weeks I spent 2 weeks in hospital I thought i was doing well. I am going to see how my boss feels as the last thing I want is for there to be on a report somewhere that I have an atitude problem. I am also going to suggest if work does feel this is a problem that I cut my days slightly shorter so that I am not so tired. Hopefully this will resolve the situation and after my second operation I can resume normal working hours once I am fuly recovered.

Today I have a hens do for the other senior consultant at work. I volunteered to go buy her a silly present (cause I am so unmotivated and dont care and hate where I work – yeah not too sick to be sarcastic!) and I would like to buy a new top before hand as well, just so I have something that fits and looks nice. We will see. Tonight we are going to a friends house for dinner and then tomorrow I am meeting with a candidate for work (yes on a sunday – don’t get me started) to make sure he made it to Perth and to give him some paperwork. I am also hoping to go for a nice walk around the Zoo.

I feel better now about everything than I did last night. It was so raw. All I could do is cry. DH was so angry with work, I have never seen him raise his voice in anger before, but he was ready to ring my boss and give him a serving. I had to restrain him. I need to deal with this and find a solution.

Today I am thankful for my husband and how much he cares about me. I am also thankful for my job and that I can discuss these issues with work no matter how upsetting it might be.

Just another little piece of me…..