Can’t Escape the Escape

I took a deep breath and stood there in front of him as he ranted, his volume breaking against me but somehow I thought hard enough and dialed down his sound, Then I could not bear the sight anymore and stood there with my eyes closed. My mind drifted elsewhere while he was completely oblivious – self absorbed.

Most escapes are the same. I think of the same person. The person only I know – in the way that I know them. His kindness, his charming humor, his breath-taking romantic ways.. the man I always have tried to hold on to – at least here in the abyss of my mind I find always in good humor, happy to see me and relaxed. I tell him about the our day at the lighthouse, standing in the breeze at the railing and the way he held me. I tell him about the blanket spread on summer grass under the old oak, where I sat with his head in my lap as I read to him.. his eyes closed and my hand periodically finding his hair. I tell him about falling asleep safe in his arm, my head against his chest, wrapped in the familiar scent that is uniquely his own – his soap and skin, listening to his breathing. I pour more than my heart, but the entirety of my sum into him.. 

Only to be brought back to reality by the slamming of the door – and I am suddenly alone in every sense of the word. 

SJW