guilt, make-up, clean car

 This weekend has flown by rather quickly, I go back to work for 4 days tomorrow.  First long week I’ve worked in a while, I hope it will not be too rough.

I am an extremely guilty feeling person.  I feel guilt for EVERYTHING, even if it is something I’ve not done.  I am constantly worried I am going to lose my job for screwing up or saying something I shouldn’t have said.  On Saturday Gabe and I had a 1-on-1 meeting downstairs and as we were leaving the fab together he was like 2 are going down, but will 2 come back?  I seriously almost died right then and there.  I was walking down the 50 trying to figure out if I’d screwed anything up lately(no), if I’d been mean to anyone(no), had I been slacking(perhaps)?  OY.  I know he did it just to get a rise out of me now, we had an almost 2 hour meeting together going over our personal job likes/dislikes and trying to figure out how to strengthen our bond as a leadership team.  We also went over the shifts positives and negatives which were similar to each others answers.   Over all it was a good meeting, I hope we can actually make our shift better.  I know I have a lot of insecurities about my own job performance in some ways and I’m sure that reflects on the people I am training to a certain degree.  I try not to show my insecurity to anyone else when I am training them and I think I usually come off as fairly confident just inside I am a huge bubbling mess of ‘oh my gosh I am so not good enough to be doing this.’

Saturday night I headed over to Suzie’s house for a Mary Kay party thingy that she was hosting.  It was a small gathering, the boyfriends and husbands hung out downstairs while the girls were in the dining room doing the make-up thing.  The boys finally came upstairs after we’d finished everything up and had started shredding the boiled chicken for Chicken Enchiladas.  Matt came up behind me and was like ‘wow, you look like you’re plastic.’  Hahahahhahaha. True story, I did look like I was made of plastic.  I don’t wear foundation anymore(ever), just some under eye-coverage and a sheer powder usually.  Eyeshadow and mascara, too.  I told him I ordered a few things(because I would have felt bad if I hadn’t) and he just gave me this frightened look.  I laughed at him and told him it was just some under-eye high lighter stuff(which actually works quite well) and some of their mineral powder(don’t have that yet).  I promised him I would not look plastic and he was like GOOD with a look of relief on his face.  I don’t have the patience to spend that much time putting make up on and getting myself ready on a regular basis.

On Sunday I spent the afternoon cleaning out the interior of my car, I vacuumed it up as well as I could with our old vacuum and Armor All-ed everything.  I washed the interior of the windows also and as I was crawling into the backseat on the drivers side I banged my left knee on the side of the car SO hard.  I thought I was going to pass out it hurt so bad.  I got all hot and sweaty and had to take off my light sweater that I was wearing.  I laid in the backseat thinking dramatic thoughts like I was going to DIE like that and Matt would come home and find me curled in a little ball dead in the backseat.  🙂  I got over it soon enough and finished everything up.  I need to take my mats out of the car again and actually scrub them down with Oxy-Clean or something because just power washing them with the hose did not get me very far.  Dang dirt.

I have been thinking I need a new OD name.  I don’t feel so much like I am ‘missing in action’ anymore, my life feels less unpredictable.  I haven’t come up with anything suiting yet.

I think I need a cup of coffee so I guess I’ll go get some use out of the Keurig.  Later taters. 🙂