10/27/08

 Okay, I haven’t writtent that much in a while, let’s see what I can come up with.

Doll is my blue eyed monster.  She is perfect for Grannie and Brandy or anyone else who watches her.  For me, yeah, not so much.  She like to push me to see how far I’ll go before I reign her butt back in.  Most of the time its silly shit like wanting to get up eight hundred times in the night, but she’s also be saying I don’t love you or my daddy let’s me.  That shit gets under my skin.  I know she’ll pit us against each other at some point, but I was hoping it would wait a few more years.

Jesse is having mostly good days this year.  So far its only been yelling out.  No punching and kicking or throwing desks.  He has a much older teacher this year.  I think he respects her more.  She is in Grannie’s age range so I think that might be helping.  I don’t know.  I could just be reaching beacuse i want him to make it through school.

Brandy.  Brandy need to get laid more often.  If you ask her, she’ll tell you it was like seventy soemthing days  since the last time she was with Douchebag.  Granted, I hate him, but she is so much easier to deal with when she isn’t on a dry spell.  She’s so calm after she gets laid.  Its like a whole different person.  I like her again.

Mom had a doctor’s appointment today.  I think she has bronchitis.  I can hear the rattle in her chest when she breaths.  She yelled at me for making her call, but I told her it was the office or the ER.  I’m not going to let her stay in bed until its pnemoinia and she ends up hospitalized for weeks.

School is dragging along.  I’m tired.  I dropped math.  That damn teacher was a dick.  If you asked for him to explain a problem, he said we already went over it and you should already understand.  Dick.  if I don’t fucking get it, its a good bet neither do several of the people in the class.  Math is not my greatest subject to begin, but I’m not stupid so don’t fucking treat me like I am.  Asshole.  I like the micro biology I teach myself.  The professors lectures a horrid.  I still don’t give a fuck how much the incubator costs.  I have no plans of buying my own.  I’m not shopping around so stop.  Damn.  I love the labs with micro.  Its fascinating to grow all those bugs.  They make pretty colors.  We incinerate them after we are done because some of them are pretty bad, but its interesting.

Joseph is still a fucktard.  I have been trying to chase him down to sign the final papers, but something is always in the way.  He told me Thursday night to sign the papers for him.  Uhh, yeah, no.  Even though I want it done, I won’t do it that way.  I can so see forgery coming back to bite me in the ass.  I’m tired of waiting for him.  Tomorrow is our eight year anniversary.  I’m a little down about it.  I want to talk to William about it, but I’m afraid he will take it the wrong way.  And I’m not even sure I understand why it bothers me.  I’m supposed to be okay with everything and moved on.  And I am moved on, but I feel the ache somewhere in the background.  God, how I don’t want to.

William is wonderful.  I love him.  I want him to be my last.  That almost sounds desperate, but I care for him.  When I started looking to date, I was really only looking for a fuck buddy.  I did not want another relationship.  He is way differnt that Joseph.  He is easy going.  We don’t fight.  If I’m upset, its gernerally because of my own doing.  I read way more into things than I should and I make up the fight in my head.  I think sometimes I try to create a problem just to have the conflict.  I’m not smart enough to leave things alone sometimes.

I think I’m pretty happy these days.  I’m worn out, but okay.  I am incredibly anxious to have the divorce over and done with.  I don’t want to hear any more sob stories about how he doesn’t have money for her.  How he’s sick and can’t get her because his car is in the shop and is going to cost him $500 to fix. 

Oh, yeah, and I’m looking at going to UT in Arlington in the fall.  Supposedly if you make below $25,000 a year, you don’t have to pay tuition.  That would be fabulous.  I can go from a bachelors to pre-med there.  If I don’t get accepted to med school straight off (which is still like four years away to even think about) I could go for a doctorate in biology or micro.  Somthing along those lines would be fascinating.  Uggg, such a nerd.  🙂

Damn, I’ve written a lot for me.  I don’t even know what I’ve left out.  I’m sure there is plenty.  Oh well.  I have a huge test in micro tomorrow, so I guess I’ll go read.

Bye y’all!!!!

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Y’all take care, 

Mandy 

Ovarian cancer: It whispers, so listen.