Letters

Joseph wrote:

hey babe,
I don’t know what to do is there any way I can get you back or should I just except the fact that you are better off with out me I know I am an ass whole I have done some fucked up shit to you and I don’t deserve you and I am not trying to feel sorry for myself or have anyone else feel sorry for me I did this to myself, but should I stop trying (not that I think I can).I know what you might say if you don’t know I ain’t telling you I know I should leave you alone right know you have enough shit to deal with with your mom you don’t need another jack ass giving you a hard time.
it went from there might be a shot to you acting like you hate me or at least you don’t love me any more you never say it you never say you miss me or anything I just need to know that there is some thing to fight for well I don’t think I mean that to me there is always some thing to fight for what I mean is it a waste of time I have been wanting to ask this for a while but I have been scared of the answer my gaol in life has become you and my child there is not a day that goes by I don’t miss both of you I don’t have any thing else I don’t even really like my family I feel like there is some secret I am not supposed to know but I found out, no one seems to remember C.P.S. called on us when we were little although that’s the one thing I remember, And I don’t know if you are  just going to get this and delete it or just tell Brandy and laugh at me I just know I don’t have much else to live for you and the baby that’s it. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me ever and I will do what ever it takes to at least make up some of the bull shit I put you through and Brandy (but I don’t think she will let me). I am sorry this is so long and I cant spell or form sentences correctly.I am so sorry about your mom or are mom I should say I cant think of her with out crying I miss her so much i wish I could take her spot and she would be healthy again I swear I would do it.
I am starting to think I should not send this I should just delete it
i am going to send it anyway if it pisses you off I am sorry

My response:

look, i still love you.  i always will.  you were my first love.  i just don;t know that i can be with you anymore.  we aren’t good together.  we fight and end up hating each other.  thats not good for us and its not good for her.  i don’t know how to forgive or forget what you did.  the betrayal is unbelievable.  you should never have hurt me.  i never should have pushed you away to begin with.  but its too late for shouldas and couldas.  i want us to be friends.  i want us to learn to talk again.  if not we at least have to be cival to each other, we do have a child together and she desrves that at the very least.  i want you to know that i am going to call a lawyer.  i want this done right with no problems.  i don’t want you to hate me, but if that’s what it comes to then so be it.  i only want to be happy.

I guess we’ll see what happens.

Y’all take care and hug those babies tight.

Mandy

Ovarian cancer: It whispers, so listen.