Crazy
♥ I’ve been feeling crazy emotional lately. Something is out of whack, for sure. Either that, or PMS is making an early appearance.
Things are sort of weird lately. Work stuff is both great, and annoying- Ed stuff is mostly just got me on an emotional roller coaster.
♥ Work:
I like this job. I like it a lot, actually. Most of the people I see are great and the job itself isn’t hard at all. I have a LOT of free time. I get paid for all this free time- but it’s starting to get boring. Yesterday I had a 2.5 hour "break" in the middle of my shift and I literally sat in a parking lot and played with my iphone. Then, I had 1.5 hours at the end of my shift, so I parked and tried to take a nap. Don’t get me wrong- being paid to do nothing is a pretty sweet deal, but having nothing to do in a city I don’t really know SUCKS. I tried to get in touch with Ed yesterday to see if he wanted to meet me for a bit, but (surprise, surprise) he never got back to me because his phone is once again disconnected.
The other thing about work is the scheduling. I sat down with the executive director a while back to work out a schedule that would be more solid. Her plan was to work everyone into the schedule and "lock them in" so that people are always working the same shifts week to week. That sounded good to me- except I must’ve been one of the last ones to sit down with her because all that was left shift wise was crap. I basically told her that I quit my other job because I was told I could get 40 hours a week here and I wasn’t happy with the shifts that were left, and before I knew it, she was bumping people to try to make it better. It’s not a perfect schedule, but I think I’ll be happy with it. I’ll be working Sunday and Monday from 3-11 in the West, Tuesday and Wednesday from 3-8 (shitty shift, eh?) in the East, Off every Thursday, Friday from 7-3 in the East and off on Saturdays. It works out to like 34 hrs a week with the option of picking up extra shifts when people call in sick or have holidays. Like I said, it’s not perfect, but it’s better than the 12 hrs a week I was getting.
There are still little kinks I need to work out about the job and the phones that we have to carry- I can’t seem to get a straight answer out of anyone which is frustrating, but I’ll deal. The girl I talked to today that I have to pick up a phone from at the start of my shift is making me drive downtown to get it even though she’s working the west shift too. It makes NO sense to me since I’m coming from waaaay far out and the west end is much easier- but because she lives in Orleans (and is a BITCH) she’s going to be at the office early so I should just meet her there. Whatever.. she’s newer than I am and has already been in shit for stuff, so she may not last.
♥ Ed
I don’t even know where to begin with Ed. I really don’t. I’m sitting here thinking million things and not knowing what to write. The last time we saw each other was Friday when we met for lunch. We actually were meeting up with another couple that he had been chatting with- because apparently, that’s what we do now. We "swing".
Jeez.. there’s no good way to explain that. It is what it is. Anyway, he made plans with them to meet for lunch downtown on Friday, so Ed and I met up and went downtown. I have NO idea what this couple is like- Ed hasn’t told me anything about them he’s been doing all the corresponding) and I don’t know what they know about us. I’m going in TOTALLY blind and even though I asked Ed about them, I got wishy-washy answers. We get to the pub where we were meeting and it’s packed. I had made reservations under my name and the other couple was already there and seated when we arrived (how they knew what I made the reservations under, I don’t know… I had literally just made them that morning). We sat and chatted for a bit, ordered lunch and sat some more. I found them to be really snobby and a little rude, but Ed seemed to like the girl (big surprise there). Our lunch ended up taking forever and when it did come, the other girls burger and Ed’s burger were burnt. She ended up complaining to a manager (see what I mean?) and getting all of our meals for free. The other couple was in a rush because they were on a lunch break (they kept telling us about how their staff couldn’t do without them… pft. please) so they left pretty quick. Ed and I sat for a bit and finished eating- which really means, we sat for 5 minutes and then got up and left. On the walk back to our cars (waaaaay the hell at the other end of sparks street) we talked a bit about the couple. I told him they seemed cool and we’d see if they contacted us again and he told me he liked them. I HIGHLY doubt they’re going to contact us- I don’t think Ed was very honest about what I look like (being a bigger woman, and all).
Anyway.. this has turned into a long story. When we got back to our cars, we stopped to chat for a bit and he held my hands and kissed me and all that great stuff I love- but the entire time we were with this other couple, he barely even looked in my direction and certainly didn’t touch or kiss me at all. I felt like shit the rest of the day thinking about it.
I really like him. I don’t know why though, because half the time he either ignores me or doesn’t have time for me. I mean, I got myself into this… I just hate it all. I’m tired of making myself available for him when he’s free, but then when I am- he’s unreachable or he can’t. I’m only wanted when it’s convenient for him and that’s incredibly frustrating sometimes.
The thing is, I know exactly what’s going on. I know what the situation is, I know he lies to me and makes up excuses and I know not to expect anything different. I know what he thinks of me, I know what the future is for this situation. I just can’t seem to break free. I don’t want to break free- because I don’t have anything else to look forward to right now.