I slept with him.

♥ I don’t need to be judged by you, I’m judging myself harshly enough for all of us, thanks. The following might be hard to read for some people. This is your warning.

♥ We met on Monday, as I had mentioned. He talked, I cried and he held my hand and gave me tissues and didn’t turn away from my emotions. I called him on some shit, he explained and I cried more. We sat in his car for over an hour before he had to leave and go to work. He asked if he could hug me and I couldn’t resist. That hug led to a kiss. Then he left.

We met again yesterday morning. He again drove to MY town- because lord knows I wasn’t going any farther than I absolutely needed to for him. I was afraid I would look terrible- my eyes are swollen and sore from the tears. He looked me in the eye and told me I looked beautiful, and although it was hard to take him seriously, I smiled a little. First, we drove to a little parking area behind some old trucks. We got out of our cars to talk and were rudely interrupted by a nosy man. I should’ve taken it as a sign. We decided to drive to our "spot", a little place out of the way of the busy city streets and prying eyes. Though it wasn’t as out of the way yesterday for some reason. It was like the universe was doing everything it could to prevent us from being completely alone. 

*** obligatory TMI warning

But we did it anyway. I don’t know what I was thinking. I was overpowered by lust and desire. My brain had decided to take a mini vacation and my body took control. His kiss had me stumbling over my own feet. He sat me on the back of my car and ripped my pants off. He spread my legs open and told me the sight of me made his mouth water. I laid back, my legs resting on this broad shoulders and I drank in the sight of his dark coffee coloured skin between my thighs. No one I have ever been with can do what this man does to me. With his tongue pressed against my clit and his fingers finding the exact right spot, he brings me not once, not twice, but three glorious times to complete rapturous delight, drinking every bit of my sweet nectar which only he can seem to release.

And then I cried. With that last powerful orgasm taking over my body, my brain decided to make an unwelcome reappearance. I sat up quickly and pulled his face to mine, kissing him with tears running down my face, trying not to let him see me so completely broken. What had I done? 

It must have been too much for my mind to handle, because it quickly went back into hiding just as fast as it had come. He lifted me off my car and whispered how much he wanted to be inside of me. It was like a deja vu of Halloween as I leaned over the hood of his car so he could enter me from behind. He grabbed my hips and pulled me into him with passion and within moments he had reached his peak too.

and then he left, with the promise of returning again for the third day in a row.

*** TMI over

This morning I was jolted awake by a message from him. He had been called into work to replace someone and wouldn’t be able to come. Part of me breathed a sigh of relief to not have that temptation. The other part was disappointed.  Even another part of me was disturbed by the remainder of his message- "…but I need to have a conversation with you about something."
We worked out that tomorrow night was the next time we would both be available. I asked him what this conversation would be about and he simply replied "Me". I haven’t heard from him since. I cried myself back to sleep and woke up a few hours later with crusty, sticky eyes and a heavy heart all over again.