Is it worth it?

Dear Diary;

I was thinking today about the two jobs that I applied to/interviewed for and what the pay rate was like for both of them. The job I Interviewed for today is a tough job. It requires me to lift and transfer people, help people shave, shower and wipe their asses. It pays $11/hr – which is less than what I was making at the group home working with those teenagers. I started thinking about what amount of money I would accept to wipe random persons asses all day and if I’m being totally honest, it would take a little more than 11 bucks. I sort of got shafted with this- it’s not the job I applied for and it’s not the rate of pay that was listed.

The other job is at Home Hardware. I might get into the paint section or housewares.. the pay is probably only minimum wage, but it’s just in town and getting to and from work is less difficult and about an hour less traveling time. I have no customer service experience, so that scares me a little. I know, I know- how can someone not have customer service experience, right? Well I don’t. Not really, anyway. I worked at Sears when I was in high school because my mom worked there. I unpacked the things people ordered, entered them in the computer and occationally helped customers (which was the part I hated the most unless they ordered with their sears card and not COD). After that, I jumped right into working with people and children – babysitting, daycare, educational assistant.. etc. It’s at the point now where I really, really need a job and no one is willing to hire me because I just don’t have that type of experience.

I really feel like I wasted 3 years of my life in College. I’ve said this before, but I’m saying it again. It’s not that college isn’t a good experience in itself, but I jumped into a course I didn’t think enough about and got trapped. The story goes like this: I was in my room one night looking at college application forms and scanning colleges and universities and what programs they offered. I had NO idea what I wanted to do- but I felt like I needed to go to school.  At the time, Erin and I were talking about what we were each applying to- which schools we both liked and whether or not we’d go to the same one. We liked Loyalist. I was looking at a Loyalist book that night when my mom came in and started looking at it too. I was looking at the ECE course and next to it on the opposite page was the DSW course- which my mother was reading. She suggested I apply for DSW because the book said something about it being a more advanced ECE course that allowed you to work in many more places. Did I really read what it was all about? Not really. I wrote it down as a choice and moved on.

My college application form read like this:
 
Loyalist College – DSW
Flemming College – Culinary Management
Algonquin College – Florist
Algonquin College – ECE

I kid you not, I’m holding it in my hand right now (I found it the other day).

Clearly I had NO clue what I wanted. When Erin told me she had been accepted early to Loyalist and I told her that I had gotten and early acceptance too- we celebrated. We WENT to Loyalist to an open house and looked at dorm rooms. We agreed to both go there and that was the end of the conversation until many weeks later when she told me she had something to tell me. I had already sent in my forms to go to Loyalist, applied for residence and purchased a meal card when she told me that she wasn’t sure where she wanted to go. I thought we had agreed and were solid- but she held out because she wasn’t sure. In the end, she decided she wasn’t ready to leave home and she didn’t go to college at all. I went to Loyalist by myself- MAD AS HELL, and hated every second I was there. It’s my own fault.

Now I’m $15,000 in debt with no other experience and no desire to work in this field. It leaves me pretty screwed.

Pretty damn screwed.

I’m tired, I’m going to bed.