Rent, Emmy’s, etc…
Dear Diary;
I’m flipping between RENT and the Emmy’s. RENT is winning (of course). I can’t not watch it.
I was having a crappy day today cause I was mad at myself for not going last night and then I couldn’t find anything to do- I called up my brother to see if he wanted company but he never answered so I figured he was working.. checked out his facebook and saw that tonight was his "game night" at the store so that was out… Erin was at home all day by the phone cause her mom is in the hospital so I didn’t want to bother her. I talked to Jenn about maybe hanging out with her but it’s her GF’s birthday today… I was going to scrapbook but I (believe it or not..) don’t have any pictures to use…. I helped ma and pa make some homemade salsa with the tomatoes and peppers from the garden- but I could only stand it for one or two batches before they started driving me INSANE. I couldn’t even play the Sims because my disk drive is busted! It was an EXTREEMLY boring day.
anyway..
about last night… I have this thing where I always feel like I’m not welcome- even when I’m invited. I don’t know.. maybe it’s an insecurity- maybe it’s a legitimate vibe, but when people invite me to things I usually get the feeling like it’s more of a courtesy invite. I feel like I don’t quite.. fit. Especially with new friends. Last night, I don’t know.. I felt like it wasn’t a big loss to them when I didn’t show. I sent a text to Jess and I got a "ok, another time." for a response. Which is perfectly normal and fine- but to ME it felt like a "whatever.. " kind of response.
I dunno. I’m really insecure and shy if you haven’t already picked that up.
i totally understand the whole not welcome thing or not really wanted. i think its just cause im insecure. my friends are naturally bitchy sometimes but theyre usually joking. but ya i get the vibes alot. and i loev rent 🙂 and i hate boring days too.
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Insecure is not great, but okay. Upset is okay. No loser though.
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OMG I love RENT…havent watched it for awhile..I need to get out my dvds and watch it
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If your gut feeling is usually accurate, then I’d say maybe it was a good thing that you didn’t go. But, if your gut feeling is wrong sometimes about these things because you’re shy around new friends, then I’d say, dang it, get out there ‘cuz you can’t make new friends unless you spend time with them and get to know them and they can get to know you! My niece talks about this particular issue allthe time. It’s hard for her to get to know new people, but she wants to have more friends. It’s scary and it’s an investment of time and energy when you’re not sure that the other people are willing to invest their time and energy. Love RENT!
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I totally feel what you mean about the invite! my problem is being socially anxious and awkward and i don’t know what to say to people. what station is rent on? i might have to check it out.
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