Um. Okay… Lets revisit from a different angle

Shall we?

I got this comment on myspace today: "Too much drama. You are Drama, ever since job corps. You want people to feel sorry for you, well, I dont."

Of course, my response was: "You live my life, for two hours. Your biggest worry if is mommy and daddy will pay your rent, and if your convict boyfriend wont go gay on you after all that time in jail."

I left it at that. Shes been talking shit to my friends ever since. This is another point proven, of if your just sitting by, waiting for me to crash and burn, well, you will find yourself on the outside.

As for my cutting of people. Like I have found myself explaining time and time again… I no longer know who I can trust. I know ONE person here, who I KNOW without second thought, I can trust. Okay. Make that two. But still.

If you find yourself on the outside, its nothing extremly personal, trust me. But. I have a lot going on, and I am tired of stupid people talking about me behind my back. I am tired of saying Im faking it all, or that Im a simple drama queen. Because, if you know me in real life, you know Im not.

I dont open up to a whole lot of people, mainly because of my mental well being. I open up to people who I know have been in my shoes, in some form or another. I dont just open up to random people, not like I used to. Plus, my opening up, takes some part on YOUR behalf too. If you expect me to open up to you, you have to make a effort yourself. I will not be in another one sided friendship, like I have been in the last few years.

This is the last you will hear on this subject. But, if you find yourself on the outside, please know, its because I have to protect myself right now. My heart, and my son. I am not playing kjust to play anymore. I am playing for keeps. And, in this mess, I am going through very real, very rough life, that has thrown more waves at me then anyone I know could withstand. With the exception of two people, who have seen hells worse then mine. And those two are Annie and Max. And I thank them for every effort, every word, every reaching out gesture… I love you both.

I will keep posting public entries. But the more personal, painful things, will be friends only. And, this being my decision, will not be made lightly, or changed lightly. I am tired of people going around, bad mouthing me… and then trying to play nice to me, and be my friend. It does not work that way, and you can talk till your blue in the face… But my decision, once made, will stay that way.

*hugs* It’s good that you have your priorities straight and you are doing what is best for you. Good friends, the kind that will stick by you through thick and thin, are priceless. Keeping you in my thoughts & prayers. Love you.

*sigh* I’ll never understand the need for people to hang onto strings that nothing more than illusions…let her go. Try not to be angry. Feel pity and pray for compassion. She’s obviously not worth your emotional well-being, is she? Forgiveness isn’t about making excuses for another’s behavior or actions, it’s a matter of emotionally detaching yourself from them and their actions. Many *hugs* to you as you walk through this lesson. It’s hard, and generally comes with tears, but once you get set straight on the path, you’ll find so much more peace.

Who the Hell left that MySpace message…?! Oh my God… *snarls* That is just unforgivable. What a heartless bitch. *frowns* I wish people could just understand… You didn’t make these cuts because of them, not really… You made them for YOU. This is YOUR diary and YOUR life. Right now you’re in a shitload of pain, you’re lonely, scared, you are fighting for your life. You need a place whereyou can write about what you’re experiencing without fear of judgment and with a lot of support and understanding. *HUGS* Right now even “good” friends really aren’t enough. You need GREAT friends…and you deserve them too, sweetheart. I promise to always try my very best to be a great friend to you. I love you very much, Mandi. Take good care.