It has been brought to my attention…E

That once more, I need to cut back my friends and bookmark list.

You see, a darling friend of mine has brought it to my attention, how little many of the people I have on my list actually care, or read… and just leave the general notes… The ones I despise. There was also a thought, brought to my attention, that many think me a drama queen. Which, is why I had catagorizied my "friends" as it was. And, people I thought were my friends, are now bad mouthing me to my TRUE friends. How foolish you people can be sometimes.. You dont talk about a person, behind their backs, to their best friend.

That being said. Going forward, many of you will have noticed you will no longer to be able to read EVERY entry. I will leave some public, like I have been doing, but the rest, arte in two groups, as stated before.

And, this is your chance, if you think Im taking this too far, too dramatic, ect… Just leave me. Let me, and my "pathetic drama filled" life alone. But remember. If this was you… If it was you in my position, you would be the same, if not tworse. I am on 25 pills a day. 3 drs apts a week. I see a hematologist, a reg dr… and any other drs they refer me to.

YOU try and walk even a HOUR in my shoes. My tolerance for pain is usually high. I have had 5 tattoos. None of which hurt. Now, the pain in my body is OUT OF CONTROL. As is the pain in my heart, and my brain.

You think Im over reacting? TRU AND LOSE YOUR SPOUSE, AND THEN LIVE WITH ALL THIS PAIN, DUE TO A TERMANIALillness. And I know, MANY of you dont think this is so dangerous. But, like it was pointed out… I could be dead this time next month. So. Yes, this year has been a fucking NIGHTMARE. And yes, I have been having issues. But. Come on. You try it. Walk a day, in my shoes. With the lack of ability to speak properly, the slurring, the strokes, the pain… You try it. Tell me Im over reacting then. And until then? Leave me the fuck alone. Do not come back, do not read. I am not some train wreck for you to watch for to die.

I am very real. In very real [pain. With very real feelings, fears, ect.

I did NOT want to write about this, to begin with, because I knew someone out there, would be like this. And push me to hurting worse then I already did.

Thank you, for fucking with my heart once more.

Now, to my real friends, thank you. And to the others? Good luck in your endovers. But stay out of my life, if you think Im just a drama queen, or a "cry for attention". I have had a SHIT year, I dont need YOU telling me how fucked up I am too.

**EDIT**

Complications

Most thrombotic complications involve the venous circulation; venous insufficiency is a common complication.
In children more than in adults, antithrombin III (ATIII) deficiency may cause arterial occlusion resulting in stroke or other ischemic injury.

Prognosis

Prognosis depends on 3 variables: the degree of the deficiency, the nature of the observed clot, and the number of clots seen.

Prognosis for homozygous-deficient antithrombin III deficiency is grim. Typically, severe thrombotic complications arise in neonates. Prognosis for survival into adulthood is good for patients who are heterozygous deficient. The peak risk for thrombotic complications does not arise until

the third and fourth decades of life.

The nature of the observed clot is an important variable. A clot that occurs in the mesenteric circulation or other central vein carries a more ominous prognosis than clots in the peripheral circulation. Patients with clots in the mesenteric circulation are often best treated with indefinite anticoagulation, even after a single episode.

Clots that recur, particularly those that recur either in the central or mesenteric circulation, are of important prognostic significance. Patients with such clots are much more likely to continue to experience thrombotic episodes and eventually to suffer either a life-threatening clot or suffer needlessly from the complications of the thrombi. One thrombotic event may be treated successfully with limited warfarin therapy, particularly if no other prothrombotic condition is present. Patients who experience multiple thrombi are often best treated with indefinite warfarin therapy.

**This info can be found at http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/954688-followup, pretatining to Antithrombian III, also known as AT III**

*HUGS* Love you, sweetheart.

Amanda, you truly do need to pare down your list. This is your diary, and truthfully, I don’t think you should have anyone reading it who you don’t trust has your best interest at heart. You have so many REAL issues to deal with that you don’t need the angst and anxiety brought on by cyber “friends” who don’t know the meaning of the word. Because a person CHOOSES which diaries they read, anyonewho leaves messages other than support should be restricted from your diary. I know it’s hard to think that people judge you. That they don’t care about your pain–physical or emotional. But try and remember, this hate and anger isn’t ABOUT you. It’s about them. Their inability to have a happy life of their own. They are so caught up in their own miserable existence that they seek out someone they perceive as “weak” to make themselves feel better. Just…cut them out. No apologies or excuses needed. Big *HUGS* to you, girl. You deserve only kindess and sympathy from your friends right now.

RYN: You are very welcome, Amanda. I sincerely appreciate that you left me this note, but please know that I UNDERSTAND so much of what you don’t write about or that we don’t discuss in notes back and forth with one another. Between my husband being a retired nurse, me working in the medical profession when I was in the military, and my daugher having a brain tumor, I have a lot of insight thathas my heart open to your situation. I KNOW the fears, as a mother, that you have. And as a mother, I know the fears I have FOR you. Surround yourself with positive energy, Amanda. It’s hard to get out of a dark place when you’re surrounded by negativty. I KNOW from reading back in your log that you have been in happy places. Re-create happy moments where you can. And make new ones when you can. Make each moment you spend from here on out being about the positive. I KNOW you can do. And if you ever doubt yourself, please know that I don’t! Call on me to remind you of what a fantastic, strong woman you truly are.

I can understand your decision. I will await the verdict. However I have always had a problem with medical speak and although i think i understand some of it, could you dumb it down for an old man?