Negitivity of the moment…. *E*

 

 

 

 

 Thank you ~*Uniquity*~* for your readers choice nomination!! *Smiles* That was very sweet of you.  

 

 I nearly wrote about this at the time it happened, but I took time to think on it, chew on it… And I still have the same response.

I, being a nice friend, had reached out to a friend of mine whose status message on yahoo seemed like he was hurting. I tried to be comforting.. and this was the response I recieved: 

You should talk.. I don’t want to hear form you again either.. ms. adultered who supports the murder of babies.. leave me the fuck alone!

Naturally, I was/ am hurt. I tried to make a apology, but, then after thinking about it, and Annie staying up with me into long hours of the morning while I cried (Thank you again, love) I realize he is right.

Now, before you get up in arms, tourches blairing, demanding this persons info, I will not give it up. He has deleted his diary, and there is no reason to hound him. I know how some of you are. *winks* 

As for his statement. Yes, hes right. I did something very wrong, in commiting adultery. Not just once, but several times.  I ceated on Felix while married, even if he knew a divorce was coming, it was still cheating, we were still married, and having a emotional affair with M was wrong as well. I knew better. And it ended, and I was hurt, because I wanted that trust, that comfort, that support… but I have realized, I need those things from someone not married. *Soft smiles* And Hence, why I have had no more contact with M since the last message I sent him, telling him goodbye offically. ( And no, I have NOTHING against my readers who are TOW, I will always hold that in my heart, I was TOW, and I understand, very well.)

I know I was wrong, and I am changing behavior. Not because of anyone but myself, and my son… and a need to be better, and less morally corupt.

About the babies thing… I dont know if he just doesnt know my story, or what… But, for those of you who dont know… I guess I should clerify.

After James was born, a very short tiem in fact, I got pregnant again. Now, keep in mind, I had just been told, I only had half a uterus, one overy, one kidney, ect. And they were SURPRISED I made it through James’s birth… It was not easy. Anyways. When I got pregnant the second time, I was POSITIVE it was the right thing, it would be my girl, my kids would be close together… and then my health started going so wrong, and we didnt know what was wrong…. And thats when it was discovered that the baby was killing me. The little girl I had always wanted, I was sure of it, was taking away everything I needed to survive… And after a very long consult with my dr, and the very stark realization that my son needed his mommy, I went through with the hardest procedure of my life. I walked into a abortion clinic, listening to the cat calls, the name calling, the protestors telling me how awful I was, that this baby deserved a chance… and then I stood there, tears streaming… and my husband, my Felix, bless his heart, finally grabbed me, and told them they had no clue what they were talking about… My SON needed me… this baby was KILLING me.

I went through with the abortion, which lead to a very sick time… the meds they gave me, I was obviously allergic to. I almost died after the procedure….

I do not agree with just "birth

control abortions". I dont. It is not a form of birth control. But, in cases like rape, and in cases dealing with health matters…. its necessary. Which, is why, I do not want Obama to make abortion illegal. Which, is why, the baby murdering comment came about.

That was the very hardest decision of my life. More so, because I was WILLING to give up my life for that baby girl, in a heartbeat… but I couldnt do that to James.

I was very hurt by this person, and I still am. But, I think it needs to be known, publically, that I made a mistake with M, and Im sorry. I will never, however, be sorry for my medical treatment, that saved my life, and gave my son his mommy, which he needed… obviously, as we had no way of knowing his daddy would be dead by now. Nearly 9 months ago… *Sigh* 

I am terffied. Because I have cheated death, many times, and now… it may have caught up with me… Im afraid, because Im afraid I will die, very soon… with my health issues…. anything is possible.

And, in answer to many questions… A kidney transplant might not be possible, because I only have one, and my blood disorder. My blood disorder very well may cause me not to be able to be helped…. *Sigh* 

Just had to vent some, and clerify… I love you all. And to you, the man who sent me that IM on yahoo, if you read this… Im sorry things went this way with you and I. But I am always here, if you need a shoulder to cry on. No matter what. Like a GOOD Christian would, I dont condem, judge, or hold a grudge…. and I do forgive and forget.  I am hurt, yes. But. I am here for you, if you ever need a true friend.

And, for the record… this, my friends, is why I dont believe in religion, or churches. But, esp, in "Christians". Now, dont get me wrong, I believe in God… but "Christians" over time have evolved into this judgemental, bible thumping group… a very "if you dont like my theories and ideals, then your going to hell" type… and ya know… *Shakes my head* Thats not what good is about.