Friends Only, and Human Pin Cushion

So many of you are right. You are RIGHT. Thank you. You all made me feel 10000 better about my entry, and my decisions. I am going friends only. Quite a few were cut from that list. But, like Robin and Kitty pointed out…isn’t this MY place to come and cry? Isnt that the reason I have a OD plus account? I got a lot of texts, emails, phone calls and notes about everything…and then I called my mom to ask her if I was over reacting. And as many of you know, I never call her for support- just doesn’t happen.

But moms words to me…”You almost died Amanda. If you didn’t react the way you did to that, then I would be worried.”

And yes, I jumped to the MS diagnosis because that doctor was sooooooooooooooo sure. But, as we learned the doctors aren’t always right. *giggles*

But yes. I will be writing in here. My open, honest, uncensored thoughts, feelings, and such. This is ME. For me. To over come the fact that six months ago my life was a thousand worlds away from here, and I was different. Granted, I have made some major mistakes in life, and made even worse in relationships, but one thing that comes to mind….

Yes, I might be trusting, too trusting, but I would rather be too trusting then not. Because at least this way I’m closer to finding true love then not…and I’m sorry, I don’t want to be like you. So cynical, and always right.

I would much rather put myself out there and learn and meet new people and make mistakes then not. Because then I have a new experience. And yes, I love easy, but that’s me. I trust. I love. And I’m better for it. I’m happier this way. This is who I am. And I’m proud of it. I might over react. I might be crazy. I might love easy. I might trust too quick. I might want MORE. But ya know what….I love it. It’s all good. It’s me. It’s why I am the way I am. I am okay with me. Confidant, funny, trusting, loving, happy. A woman who tries not just sits back. *Shrugs* I know this isn’t where I want life to be…but it’s okay. I have had an amazing time. Felix might be dead, but he was a lesson learned. My health might be bad, but once its fixed I will be amazing.

I would much rather be me then be unhappy, untrusting, uncaring, cynical, angry, bitter… or anything else. And if you don’t like who I am, you don’t have to read me. This is my diary. I write for me not for anyone else. If you don’t like who I am…go. I’m not stopping you.

Thank you, each and every one of you for your notes. Aren, Robin, Kitty, Phil, Kat, Missy, Momma Gem, CatMommy….(and of course, Annie and whoever else didn’t note but I know cares *giggles*)

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=”3″>I am going to end this entry with a note that made my day 100%, and while I will not say who left it…I want to thank her publically for everything. She came to my rescue and made me realize that I am in my right here. And this note….God, I love this note. *giggles*

I know you are tired of it. So am I.

But, there are some things I am even more tired of. The biggest is I am tired of some jerk offs on this site ruining it for some really good people who need some emotional support that they are not getting elsewhere in their lives. These jerk offs are pushing people I care about into closing themselves off from the outside world completely where they get no outside support on things they should not be going through alone.

I love this site. I’ve been on it since almost the beginning. I don’t plan to leave it but I will admit I have thought of it. The reason I don’t leave it is because while there are jerk offs on this site there are even more on other sites. I love OD. But I don’t love some of the people on here that think they are better than everyonelse, who think they can dictate to everyonelse how they should feel.

I don’t think you over react but so what if others do? They obviously don’t know you or they wouldn’t say such things. And, honey, even if you DO/DID/WHATEVER over react/under react/ whatever? SO WHAT?! It’s YOUR diary!!

Not mine, not the jerk offs, not anyone’s but YOURS.

Thank you all again. Oh so much. I cant ever repay all of you. *smiles*

With that all said…Im gonna leave you with disturbing pics of the human pin cushion. *giggles* More the brusing. It’s gotten bad.  Love you all. Thank you all, so much.