a quick look back at 2010

i wonder if i have any one who still reads this diary?  i doubt it because i don’t seem to write in it very often anymore.  its tough to write about nothing, i mean i know, to a degree, i’ve done that for, what almost ten years, but it seems, lately, to have become even more of nothing.  i can’t keep writing about job hunting (i’m hunting just not finding all that much).  i did have a phone interview a few weeks back with one of the medium sized universities here in indiana, but, as per usual, it was just that a phone interview.  nothing more came of it, which was too bad. 

i haven’t heard from guns in weeks.  i guess that chapter is officially done.  that hurts.  over thanksgiving i kept thinking "wow, a year ago today i was in a totally different place…" and i started to look at how my life had changed, i’m not sure its for the better.  i’m still in the same place jobwise i was last year, and that’s not good, financially i’m still treading water, again, not good.  but this time last i was in an incredible relationship with an incredible girl, we’d had conversations dealing the "emm-word."  but then life really threw a curveball and that wonderful relationship didn’t so much fall apart, but evaporate in an atomic blast.  i really, two months later, don’t understand it. 

i’m ready for 2010 to be over.  it looked so bright on January 1st.  but how quickly things disintigrated.  i should known it was going to be an ugly year when one of the first things i had to do was put my cat Woody, the Barron von Woodster down.  the economy fell further into the toilet and everyone blamed everyone else for it and didnt’ do anything except throw goodmoney after bad.  but i’m not going to turn this into a political rant.  as much as i’d like to. 

will i look back on 2010 fondly?  probably not.  it was probably one of the most difficult years i’ve had to deal with.  but i can say this, i’ve stayed healthy, so has my mom.  i’ve stayed even keeled.  i’ve been very careful with finances and am actually quite proud of myself in my retraint.  i’ve slipped a few times and bought things i didn’t need, but when i did i used either cash or my debit card.  i’ve gotten through the year with hardly using a credit card.  i don’t have any cred cards any more, save for a discover card.  that’s tucked in a drawer and hasn’t seen the light of day very often at all this year.  i cut up my credit cards last year.  and i’ve slowly paid down the balances.  yes, that was a plural on both.  i have a little over a year until my car is paid off, actually its a closer to 18 months, i think.  i suppose i could sell it, but i dont’ want to, but i can tell you this, when that thing is paid off, i’m paying myself a car payment every month.  i don’t see myself ever buying a car with payments again. 

i can say one thing for sure.  i’ve matured.  i’ve matured financially, to a degree.  i’ve learned to tell myself "no" and that’s a big deal for me.  but i’ve also matured in another way: in my faith.  i don’t talk about that much, but i have.  i’ve learned more about myself and my walk with God this year than ever before.  i have rediscovered the joys of prayer and reading the scriptures.  i have discovered the comfort that comes with asking God’s help through crisis, i’ve learned the repeatedly this year.  i’ve learned to be truly thankful for knowing that i am in the Grace. 

so, i am looking forward to 2011.  it is my prayer that it will be better than this one.  i am well blessed and not worried.