Lost

I think overwhelmed about covers it.  So does lost.  I’m so tired of work.  I’m really not happy there, but I’m not sure where I would be happy.  Perhaps I should go back to skip tracing. At least there it was simple.  I think I need to go back to the job market but I really don’t want to in this economy.  I’m not sure going back to school’s the answer either.  I’d love to sing for a living, perhaps for Shadow Communications (associated with Deseret Book) but right now that’s just not possible and I don’t know when or if it will be.  (You can blame Chris for getting that thought in my head -but I do need to continue to develop my musical talents – I’ve been given them by Heavenly Father – I need to use them) I’ve gotta pray about it, that I know for sure.  And I’m going to read my patriarchal blessing again – I desperately need the comfort it will bring me.  I need to pray about the right opportunities at work.  I don’t want to deal with any positions before I have surgery – too much upheaval at once won’t be good for my state of mind.  At this point, surgery is only 4 1/2 weeks away.  But I also need to be in a better state of mind before I have surgery.  Speaking of surgery, my sinuses have definitely been…aching (I guess that’s the right word) the last week or so.  And there’s occasionally some pressure there as well.  I’m definitely ready for all of it to stop.

I don’t think Chris is the man for me.  I don’t know who is, but I don’t think I’m ready to meet him.  I’ve seen pictures of Chris and I’m just not attracted.  I think he’s just going to end up a good friend when all is said and done.  I just have this definitive feeling that he’s not the one.  I know it’s from the Spirit.  But I do know that the one for me is still out there, I just have to be patient.  So again, I’m back to learning patience. 

On another note, tonight’s entry marks 6 weeks of solid journal writing.  It’s hard for me to believe that I’ve managed 6 weeks of writing in my journal every day – 42 straight days.   Through all this, I’m really starting to recognize when the Spirit is telling me something.  Like two nights ago, I kept getting the niggling feeling that I needed to read my patriarchal blessing.  It was right before I went to bed that I finally read it and boy did I need to read it. 

Let’s see…what haven’t I mentioned lately?  My visiting teachers are coming this week and I’m grateful for them.  I love them dearly and I know I’ll see one or both of them when I’m home after surgery.  My dad leaves tomorrow morning for two weeks.  The next time he’s gone for two weeks, he’s gone over Halloween weekend.   Oh, thanks to our cool weather, the trees are already starting to turn.  Truthfully, it’s a bit amazing it hasn’t already started to happen, given our cool summer. Of course, we could do with some rain. It’s been two weeks since it rained and our next shot at rain isn’t until next weekend.

"Life is measured not by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."