Left Behind *Edit*

I’m feeling rather left behind tonight.  I was about to head off to bed when I decided to check on facebook real quick.  I looked at the page for a good friend from high school and found she’s engaged.  So many of the people I knew from high school are engaged, already married, or having kids.  Instead, here I am…nearly 24 and still have yet to have the first boyfriend.  I know better than to find myself a boyfriend just to have a boyfriend but at the same time I’m feeling left behind.  I saw another old friend today – we went to dinner after I spent the afternoon with my grandparents.  She has a son who’s 18 months old now (granted she’s unmarried and that’s something I don’t want).  And yet I see that we’re all old enough to be getting engaged, married, and having kids…we’re all old enough now that it’s not strange that it’s happening.  It’s definitely hard to believe though that enough time has passed that we’re legitimately old enough for those things.  I know that I’m young yet – not even 24 (two more weeks before that happens) and still I can’t help but feel left behind.  I’d intended to write an entry earlier on the day as a whole, but this just really hit me.  I know part of my problem is realizing that many times people in the church get married quite young.  By the same token, I know that I’m not ready for marriage or kids yet.  But I guess I feel like I’m still at the starting gate.  It’s almost like I’m waiting for something but I don’t know what.  Generally speaking, I’m not a patient person…me+waiting patiently=annoyed me.

 *Edit*

After I got offline last night, I went up to bed.  I was all set to head to bed when I was impressed to read my patriarchal blessing. Truth be told, I haven’t read it since I got my copy in the mail last October.  I realize now I need to be better about read it.  It was such a comfort to read it and such an…impetus…I guess, to be better.  I may not know how exactly to figure out where my life’s headed but I know I need to start setting goals.  My patriarchal blessing mentions setting my goals high and that I will achieve them.  I realize I need to do that. There’s one goal that’s been in the back of my mind for several years now.  I’ve never thought I could do it so I’ve never really tried.  However, I really realized last night that with the Lord’s help, I can do anything.  My problems aren’t all solved, I don’t miraculously feel better, I still feel left behind.  But I know now that everything will happen per the Lord’s plan if I do my part.  On my way home from church today, I was thinking about how much I needed that today.  It’s funny – each Sunday as I get up and get ready, I think about how great it would be to stay home and do nothing but then I get out of church and realize how much I needed that.  I love my ward.  It’s a family ward, which is certainly part of the reason I’m not meeting any eligible young men.  But I know this is where I’m supposed to be.  I feel like it’s really the ward I grew up in, regardless of having been in several wards over my childhood and teenage years.

Oh, and I have to say thank you to all who left notes on this entry earlier.  I left for church and there was nothing there.  I get back to find all these notes and they made me feel so loved 🙂

"Life is measured not by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."