Errr…. *Edited*
In terms of my thought processes and the things running through my head, it’s been an interesting few days. I debated all last week emailing Keith and seeing if he wanted to do something this weekend, but in the end I didn’t. I should have, but didn’t. I spent Friday afternoon at home, painting some wooden figures. I really enjoy doing that as it relaxes me, at least a little bit. It was strange too on Friday as I was already getting nervous about singing today in church. I’ve sung solos in church before and I’m never nervous until at least the morning of and sometimes not until just before it’s time for me to sing. But I was nervous by Friday. Friday was also my first day on the new dosage of meds and things seemed to go alright.
Yesterday the meds went well too. I actually did some studying, though not as much as I had planned (though that mostly has to do with the Cubs and Bulls both playing yesterday and winning too!). My brother went to prom last night with his girlfriend and it was interesting to be reminded of just how old my youngest brother has gotten. He’s only 3 1/2 years younger than me and I just barely remember the night he was born. To think that he will graduate from high school in just a few weeks boggles my mind a little bit.
Today at church I really felt the spirit in Sacrament meeting. I’ve really struggled with my faith the last few years and in particular remembering to read my scriptures and pray. I’ve struggled with it for most of my life. I’ve wondered of late if part of the problem is my ADD and the problems associated with that. I know the church is true, but I seem to have issues with the more practical parts. At this point, it doesn’t seem as if I can do this on my own. I need to pray and ask for help and really talk to my Heavenly Father. Even that being said, I feel like I need someone here to talk to about all of this, someone who isn’t going to preach at me. Someone relatively close to my own age or someone who’s struggled with some of the same issues. I know I could also talk to my Bishop, but I want someone who I can talk to a little more regularly than that. I also know that I need to start dealing with some of my issues regarding my faith and reading my scriptures if I want to marry the kind of many I want to marry – if I want to be married in the temple. I know I want to be married in the temple because I don’t want my kids to deal with the same problems I did growing up in a part member family. There are enough problems and issues to deal with in this world without adding the problems that come with being a child in a part-member family. So tonight I’m feeling very thoughtful tonight….
*Edit* I said before that I had planned on Friday to go to the temp agency downtown about finding a different job. I didn’t go, mostly because I’d rather leave my parents in the dark as long as possible (less chance of them giving me grief about it or trying to talk me out of it).