Hate is a Four Letter Word

I thought I hated my last job.
I did hate it. I was stuck. I was stagnant. I loved the people I worked with on a daily basis, and disliked the ones that “made the decisions” in the organization. I saw so much potential, and so much lack of effort to get there. I grew frustrated and then angry and then out and out defiant (in my own way). I didn’t leave because the salary was really good. I didn’t think I’d be able to replace it.
Then I was laid off. That’s what it took to get me out of there – it was my push, my impetus to move forward.
So I got a new job. It’s a management job. I’m building a program. That’s something I’ve done before. It’s in education. It’s starting a new school, plus overseeing two other programs. That’s not something I’ve done before. I didn’t know how good I had it at my last job.
This is what grass roots programming is – so much potential and the freedom to make it what you want. It’s also no guidance and no structure to fall back on. And let me tell you,  I am a structure kind of girl.
The stress and pressure that comes with the job (or that I put on myself) is enough to cause weekly migraines. I have a hard time falling asleep and when I do sleep, I dream about work. Or, I’ll wake up in the night and then think about work until I: ( a.) fall asleep to dream about work, or (b.) get out of bed to go to work.
I have a problem employee, and I’ll be damned if he isn’t the first person that pops into my head when I thinka bout work. I’m mostly worrying about how I’m going to handle him, or how I’m going to tell him he can’t do this or that, or how I’m going to get enough proof to show my boss that the guy needs to be fired.
He’s horrible. And for once, I don’t hate the guy for it. At my last job, staff would give me problems and I would end up disliking them because of it. With this guy, he’s pretty charming, and he can hold a good conversation, he’s just an idiot when it comes to certain things.
He teaches one of the classes at our school, and the other day he told the students that the word “Catholic” means “to worship cats.” What? Really? Seriously?  

The journey is the reward

Lao-Tzu