It Just Is

I do not mean for this entry to be a bummer, it just is what it is and I want it to mark it.

My sister gave me some insight onto myself the other day while talking. She said she thinks every time I speak of my Dads death that I am really talking about my brother. WTF I asked. She went on to say that as tight as my brother and I were I have only mentioned his death a few times but will speak often on my Dad whom (hmm is that proper, whom?) I really do not even remember. I remember feeling like I killed him, I threw up at his funeral and we (the family) were in a terrible accident just after his funeral. We were all in the paper because the accident was so horrific that it was amazing we all walked away. Other memories of him are just vague and not all the daddy love stuff.

I cried and just told her that I am can’t believe I was left to go through life without my brother. We were "the kids" because the others are older enough that they had a Mom and Dad life, brother and I did not but we had each other. Then I thanked her for the relationship that she and I have. And I sincerely mean that. We have very much become….we can say what we want to each other but no one else better say anything bad about the other. We have each others back, period. How can you not be grateful for such a relationship with a sister.

Also, this is the day Hub and I lost our Shannon to a person the decided drinking/drunk driving was fine. He was never sorry. We had 2 kids in that accident and our B had to watch her sister die. I wish I could carry that for her and I am thankful that we have her. It was only a fluke that our other daughter was not in the car also, it was just a last minute change.

Now the good new on death! I have been on the kick of looking up people from the past and I decided I was going to write a letter to a man that molested my brother and myself on behalf of my brother and me. Well… he is dead yayayayay I couldn’t wait to tell the rest of the family that ,…puke, loved him. In all fairness to them they had the good graces to act like they did not care. I am thinking of finding out if charges were ever brought against him but then he is not really worth spending the few bucks it costs.

Got the stitches out of my legs today after a muscle bio last week but no report on that yet.

Be chipper