One of those days, I wish I were not Married!

Gah, I know all married days can’t be good but fuck… 

I am so sick of having someone decide what is best for me, what I want or do not want and is always making sure he has just what he needs and wants.

I am sick of repeating myself twice because he is always tuned into work, or some other thought that is always  more important than my thoughts.

He disagrees with everything I say once he hears it as if he is on auto. Then of course once he thinks on it and agrees, it is all his idea.

I know he loves me blah blah and he is a good guy but damn, its driving me nuts today. I feel like I could be happy just being alone…at least today.

Somehow, I let him talk me out of my jeep and he then trades it in for a one he wants… he could have just got the one he wanted but really, he just does not want me to have my own car and its getting on my nerves. I am practically home bound, one because of this crazy ass valley fever and 2 because he likes me that way….home right under his thumb.

If I mention that I am going to go to the store for something, he will jump right up and go, knowing I wanted to go by myself. He has it in his head that I should not be driving…when it suits him anyway. Other times.. oh yeah, go but it is always to go do things for him.

I do not need a fucking father, a daddy that controls my every move.. I am sick of it bad today.

He is allowed to live his life as he see fit but I my always adjust mine to fit his. He NEVER adjusts for me and when he thinks he does.. like when he insists on driving me.. he is always rushing me so it is never fun. He feels like I slow him down so much that he rather I just stay home.. he says it is easier.

It’s been so long since I have even shopped for food and it’s gotten that I must eat like he wants to. He is forgetting I don’t like have the crappy shit he eats. He just ran out to buy a new microwave because he couldn’t cook a potato for breakfast… like there is no other way to do it, only the way he wants. If I mention something I want.. he has actually told me, I do not need it.

He wants me to draw, knit, swim, sew and expects me to LOVE cleaning house. He no way wants me to have any outside interest. It didn’t use to be so bad but it’s crazy. What an control freak but I knew that and we both know I am a doormat.

He actually told me he worries about my driving because of meds I am on… wtf, you would think I am on stuff that alters my mind. He thinks being low on vitamin D may make  my driving  off. I think he would be happy if  I didn’t have a drivers license, except there are times he wants me to do stuff for him.

He works everyday, taking the ride with him, so I am stuck. He does all shopping and errands and bill paying. He has no problem with me spending money as long as it is something that will keep me home and something that will not get in his way. He is actually doing more cleaning than I am these days.. Its just damn weird. I want a partner, not a keeper. Oh yeah, he loves to spout off how I am a kept woman…. I want to puke.

Okay, enough bitching, its not like after 200 years of marriage either is going to leave but……… it may get ugly when I reclaim myself.

If I hear the phrase… You have been with me over well over half your life, I am going to slap him.. I know he thinks he owns me but thinking it and acting like it are 2 different beast.

Okay… I am going to go push his buttons by just saying… Where are my keys, I am going to the store. He will be bugged out but will jump up to drive me, then I will not want to go.

I am a bitch today….worse than normal ;P