NoJoMo – 12 *Late* Q&A

Q: Why am I writing this entry one day late?
A: Because I slept most of yesterday. You see, I woke up yesterday, determined to go into work, explain to my boss that I needed to work half days for the rest of the week to catch up on rest and get rid of this nasty infection in my jaw bone. I’m absolutely positive my boss would have happily agreed with my plan.
Q: Why didn’t this plan of mine work?
A: Because when I got out of my recliner – after puking for no reason right out of bed – fully dressed to get my car keys and head for the door, I face planted on my living room floor. Yes, that’s right. I pass smooth out, leaving my poor husband to call not only my mother to yell at me about being a stubborn pain in the ass but also to call my boss—who agreed with my husband about me being “a bit stubborn.”
Q: Holy shit, are you ok?
A: Oh, hell. I’m fine. Why the hell does everyone freak out when I fall down? I only do it all the damn time. When I get sick, I tend to push myself too hard which leads to falling down. It’s a thing. It’s like…. My body and I have this little deal. I keep pushing and pushing and pushing. When my body gets sick of me, it starts collapsing. Then, I start listening. No collapsing, well, then, excuse me, but I have bills to process, and payroll to run, and a website to update, a marketing strategy to formulate, a proposal to research and create, not to mention apartments to lease, maintain and monthly rents and mortgages to keep up with.
Q: Why does it take collapsing?
A: “A bit stubborn” isn’t the half of it. As hard as my mother tried, I see illness as weakness. I think that’s why I’m so hard on myself about my bi-polar disorder. I think that’s why I work so hard to obtain my “normal” lifestyle. I think that’s why I care more about impressing my boss than about taking time off to heal from having four teeth ripped out of my jaw. I have drive in me to be better than and to do better and to conquer… because to be less is unacceptable… and illness… of any kind is a weakness. And weakness can only lead to defeat. Weakness makes you less. On the surface, I don’t believe any of those things. When judging others, I find those words offensive… it is only in judging myself that I hold those views as gospel. Thanks, Dad. I suppose it isn’t his entire fault. I am an adult, and as such, I should have the ability to overcome my childhood. This is just one thing I haven’t overcome yet. So it still takes collapsing.
Q: So, you slept all day? What now?
A: Well, my husband demand (asked nicely/passively aggressively implied) that I take the rest of the week off, and I agreed. You see, with the threat of surgery, and the face plant, and the embarrassing call to the boss, I was totally okay with taking the rest of the week off—with the exception of running in on Thursday for 15 minutes to run payroll so that it wouldn’t take Tom or Julie an hour or two to figure out what I’d half done or what was going on. It took me 15 minutes – an hour if you include drive time. I will take Friday off as well and have the weekend to spend on my ass “recovering”—as you lushes tend to call it. Don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t be a total fat as if I didn’t enjoy my fair share of ass time, but I also enjoy being able to come and go as I please. I also enjoy being able to work, write, fruck, drink, eat, and stay awake more than four hours in a day.
Q: Okay… so, are you feeling better?
A: Yes, thank you. In fact, I’m off to write today’s entry.