Dreary day

I’m not sure where I want to go with this entry today. Most mornings, I have a fairly good idea of where my entry is going, but this morning, I feel… funky.

Perhaps it’s because my anniversary is in a week. I will have been married to Grant for two years. I’ll be celebrating by taking a history exam, going to the gym, and then coming home to an empty apartment, save two cats. Traditionally, anniversaries havent’ been of any great importance to me. I am married every single day; taking one day to express how much I love him seems silly… I try everyday to make that clear. But at the same time, it’s weighing down on me how much he and I are missing by being apart for so long. I know it’s what we "have" to do — or what we’ve decided we have to do — but it’s still a hard road. And I find myself becoming more and more disillusioned with the whole mess.

I’ve told him all I want is an e-card and an email. I’ve gotten flowers before… jewelry, etc. It’s nice to get those things, but I have determined, they are only truly wonderful if he’s there to hug and kiss when I get them. If I get them, and then have to wait for him to call, they seem to lose their magic. And I am too busy to enjoy them anyway.

What I really want is for him to find a job. He’s looking really hard, but finding a job this far out (two months) is near impossible. The way it generally works is you know two weeks before you move where you are moving to. But I hate it. If I could have one wish, it would be to know where we’re going now… before I have to pack. It’s unrealistic, but that’s what wishes are all about, right?

I should go. I have a lot to do today. I have an accounting test I haven’t studied for, a group project I’m doing mostly on my own, a trip to the gym this afternoon, and then more fun when I come home tonight doing homework. Joy.

I hope you all have a great day. Here is it dreary and bleak… and my mood is slinking off in that direction…