Pnemonia? Really?

The medication is definately working.

I still just can’t believe I have pnemonia. It seems like something only old or really sick people get. I have always had a really great immune system. I rarely get colds, I don’t have allergies… I just don’t get sick. And yet, I have pnemonia.

I suppose I’m due. Every few years, I have some big bad thing that knocks me down a few pegs. When I was a kid, I had a cyst in my throat that had to be surgically removed. When I was 12 or so, I got the flu and thought I was going to die. When I was 16, I got mono. At 19, I had to have my galbladder removed. And at 22, I had a cyst on the base of my spine–really not fun. And now… on the eve of turning 24, I have pnemonia. The good news, I suppose, is that I should be safe for a couple of years.

I really hate getting sick. And I am just so terrified — stop me if I sound like a broken record — of falling behind… of getting off track. I feel like I’ve just started really living this semester. I’m doing all of the things that NORMAL people do… I am not letting the bi-polar keep me down, or limit me. And I am scared that this illness will throw me back into the cycle of depression and anger.

I am angry, for instance, that I can’t go to the gym. As much as it confounds me, the gym is the best part of my day. There are no phones, no emails, no homework. There are no friends who didn’t show up, or parents who don’t understand the pain they inflict, or husbands who miss those precious little moments. When I am working out, I am just me… there is nothing else there– except a cute trainer who does as much as he can to motivate me to come back. I am worried that by the time I am physically able to go back to the gym, I won’t be as committed. I worry that two weeks off will turn into a month–or two… and that I will fall back down and it’ll take a forklift to pick me up again.

My school work scares me too. I could put off this Auditing exam, but doing that really worries me. I don’t know… I know the logisitics… if I fail the class, I just take it again next semester… I’ll have done all the homework and taken all the exams, so it should be really easy. But I don’t want to take it again. I don’t want to waste that much money. And I don’t want to fail at this.

I’m really hoping that I’ll be able to get back on track today… at least with the studyng. I’ll wait to work out until my doctor tells me it’s ok, because I don’t want to relaspe.

I suppose the one really good thing is that I will not be smoking again. Pnemonia is warning enough… and if this is any indication of what lung cancer–or whatever else you get from smoking–is going to be like… I’m good. I’ll go without the smoke, thanks.

That is all for now. We will now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.