didn’t know it would be this hard
I’m tired and emotionally worn out so this may be rambling.
Oral surgeon determination: wait and see. Sometimes an injured baby tooth pushed back in the gums will re-descend on its own and the child is no worse for wear. Other times it won’t and it has to be extracted. Which means Lexi will have a whole in her smile for 6’ish YEARS until her permanent tooth comes in. We are to give it 8 weeks, with WEEKLY visits to the oral surgeon to check its progress. Weekly. 8 weeks that I hope go by quickly.
Meanwhile, she still looks disfigured. There is a lot of black, blue and gray all around the gums. I can’t tell if its bruising or dried blood/pus and she won’t let me get in there to clean it…and I don’t blame her. But I know she’d look less disfigured without a mouthful of icky looking blackness around her teeth and gums.
She cried when she tried to eat, though it seems to be from frustration not pain. She’ll really only eat soft foods (yogurt, pudding, very well done pasta) right now.
She wakes up in the middle of the night crying in terror and wants out of her bed, so obviously, she is still processing this.
She threw her stuffed bunny onto the floor from her bed today and said, "uh oh, boo boo" more evidence she is trying to process this.
What makes me tear up and cry very hard is the change in her personality. She has always been vibrant, outgoing, happy, willing to explore and try things. Since the fall/ER visit Monday she’s been withdrawn, quiet, sullen, almost seems depressed. We haven’t seen a real smile or gotten a real laugh yet. She’s very timid and wants to be held/carried all the time.
Is this normal, experienced parents? Will she return to herself once the emotional trauma of this wears off? Or has this accident changed her permanently? That is what I fear. That is what makes me sob when she and Art are in bed and I’m alone.
I don’t want to have lost my brave, outgoing, awesome girl. Some mommy friends are telling me she won’t remember this, she’ll move on. And I want to, need to believe them. I miss, really miss her, the real her.
I sob when I think this has changed her personality forever.
I blame myself. We recently switched her to a "regular" bed with a side rail, which was working without incident. Until she decided to push on or jump on or climb on the rail-we’re not sure. I wasn’t home, Art was getting her water. The rail opened and out she fell. I feel like writing and calling the bed rail company and screaming at them and sending them my medical bills. The rail was LOCKED into place, it SHOULDN’T have moved.
I blame myself, it was my idea to get the bed. It was my idea to get the bed rail. Maybe if the rail wasn’t here, she would have just slid off on her belly like she does off the couch.
Art blames himself as he left the room for a few seconds.
We are both locked in this guilt and anger at ourselves. I don’t blame him. He doesn’t blame me. We just do it to ourselves.
And her beautiful smile is gone. I used to get comments on how pretty her teeth and smile were. Gone. I KNOW this is vain. I KNOW it could have been so much worse, she could have had a spinal or brain injury, head trauma. I KNOW. Please don’t leave me notes telling me I should be grateful it isn’t worse. I KNOW AND I AM. But I need to mourn the loss of her smile.
For awhile I felt like a good enough mother. No ER trips. No accidents. I was very careful.
And as of 2/7/11, that’s all changed. Now I feel like a negligent mother.
I never knew having kids was this hard. I never knew injuries/illness to them would hurt the parent so much.
I feel your pain! Luke had a tooth pushed back and I was just so so so upset about his smile 🙁 His “fixed” itself (although one tooth looks more gray then the others). I bet the reason she’s so withdrawn is because of pain and she’s had a blow to her confidence. Sometimes kids need a blow or two to make them slow down a bit. She’ll perk up. Just be supportive and talk her though it 😉
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The same thing happened to Madelyn, almost exactly. She fell and her her mouth on the a tv stand. She pushed her gums all the way up into her mouth and ripped so bad they had to be stitched back together. She was 2 at the time and I’d love to tell you she has forgotten about it but she still talks about the day she got blood on her Elmo blanket. The trauma effects are gone as she was extra clingy
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and extra cautious for a while, maybe 3 weeks, after. We didn’t need surgery as her teeth are fine. Her’s did get pushed up but didn’t touch the permanent teeth which is what they feared. Did you have an x-ray done? we had one done to check and see if the permanent tooth showed damage, she may not have hit hard enough for them to be concerned about that idk. They did tell me that if her tooth
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began to turn black that they would need to pull it but thankfully that didn’t happen. Kids bounce back from injury much faster than adults and our dental surgeon said the mouth heals faster than any other part of our bodies. I’m sure she will be fine, just love her extra right now and assure her that you are there for her and she will overcome this. Madelyn is back to herself and although she
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still remembers that day clearly she isn’t traumatized by it at all.
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I think all parents have been there! I know I have! Don’t blame yourselves. Our kids stayed in their cribs until they were three. Zach was fine with that, Sam learned to climb out. If he had fallen I’d have felt guilty for NOT switching him to a bed with a side rail. When Z was about Lexi’s age he fell and hit his face on the coffee table, hit one if his top center teeth, and although itdidn’t get pushed into the gums there was blood and the tooth turned gray. I was SO upset, thinking the same thing, that it would be like that until he was six! If I recall he also seemed more timid and clingy for a few days, but was back to normal in no time (so much that I can hardly recall that he seemed different!). His tooth also turned white again after several months *whew*. She’ll be fine, really she will. :)Some things are beyond our control. It think it’s how we respond to these situations that matters, not the situations themselves, if that makes sense.
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kids are really resilient. they get over stuff fast! these things happen. i made sawyer a little tent once and he tripped and smacked his face off the coffee table. coffee table, gone. lesson learned! it happens to all of us.
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AWW Sorry to hear this Hon. You can’t blame yourselves, though naturally you are going to anyway. try to be thankful it was not something much worse in any case. And I’m sure she’s still totally adorable.
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(((hugs))) Oh, hunny. I can’t imagine. Yes, it could have been worse, but this is your baby. your little girl. You have every right to feel crappy for a while. But, this too shall pass. It won’t be like this forever. We are going to pray that tooth back down for these next 8 weeks–which in mommy years is equal to a life time. hang in there…
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I assure you she won’t remember it. My daughter tipped a grocery cart in to a wire display bin when she was reaching for a stuffed dog when she was 3. (I KNOW your guilt too well). She had two black eyes, a bruised lip and a goose egg/gash on her forehead. It was awful!!! She bounced back and actually still needs to be reminded to sit when she’s in the cart. This is a mother’s war wound.
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I guarantee she’ll heal faster than you will. ((hugs))
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These things happen all the time! We all look back & say, “but if I’d only done this” or “not done that”. You’re good parents & that’s why it feels so bad. But here’s an important thing: If Lexi senses your guilt & doubt in yourselves now (e.g.you’re blaming yourselves, etc etc), she’s going to feel like there’s something to feel insecure about. She will be troubled. Now, get back up on that horse & be the confident, outgoing, loving, parents you know that you are! The sooner YOU move on, look at this ‘realisticlly’ (like you would if you saw this same thing happen to someone else), the sooner Lexi will be back to happy, confident “Lexi”. ((hugs))
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One more thing I thought of…in the whole scope of things, how big is this? I mean, sure I know it’s serious, I’m honestly NOT making light of it–but–these things happen. How you handle this is an example for Lexi. How do you want to teach her to handle mishaps as she has them herself growing up? I don’t mean to come across cold; I’m intending anything but that–just trying to help you see what good & capable parents you STILL are & move on!!
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I agree with Casilda. You have to get beyond it before Lexi does. I bought bunk beds for my oldest daughter when my youngest was a baby (there are 6 years difference between them) with the instructions that the baby never be on the top bunk when they are playing. I think my youngest was almost 2 at the time. One day I hear screaming and here comes Sarah carrying Lissa with blood pouring out of Lissa’s mouth. I was horrified. I had been in there playing with them but just left for a few minutes to get something to drink. Sarah decided it would be a grand idea to help Lissa to the top bunk. Had I not okayed a bunk bed then it wouldnt have happened. I felt all kinds of guilt. I dont think Lissa remembers it at all, now, and there was no lasting damage. It was very scary for me and made me clingy and over protective for awhile. Once I got over that, Lissa got over it, too. So just know you are a great parent and you and Lexi will both move on from this. I know what you are feeling and sorry you are having to go through this. It is very traumatic for all of you.
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id write the company several times! she’ll grow to accept it, and deal just may be the pain reminding her and she can’t quite understand why it’s painful…that would be my guess. Write the company and what’s the worse that can happen?
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