Was I Catfished? *Update*
So, I’m sure many of you have heard the recent news stories about a Notre Dame football player, Manti Te`o being “catfished.” More specifically that he developed an online relationship with a person who “died” only to later find out that the person didn’t exist (at least, they did not exist as they were presented to him).
There is still some speculation that Te`o might have actually been in on the whole thing (he gained quite a bit of publicity from sharing the story of his girlfriend’s death), but thus far there is no direct evidence of this. A lot of people’s theorizing has to do with the fact that it seems unlikely that Te`o would fall for such a thing. Did he really not think it implausible that his “girlfriend” was always unavailable to meet or skype, etc?
Anyway, the whole story has made me reflect on a close friendship I had a few years ago and whether or not I was “catfished” as well. Back in 2007 I talked nearly daily on the phone with a female open diarist. I now think that it is more likely than not that this female diarist is not the person who she represented herself to be.
Granted, I still have no evidence that this person isn’t exactly who they say they are. It would be nearly impossible to prove such a thing, wouldn’t it? It’s akin to proving that God doesn’t exist. I can constantly point out the absence of evidence for existence, but I could never conclusively “prove” anything.
But yes, despite the fact that we talked on a near-nightly basis for nearly a year (and were friends longer than that), I never received even semi-conclusive evidence that this person was actually who she represented herself to be. She became my Facebook and MySpace friend, but she had suspiciously few other friends and most of them were admitted online friends (though she claimed some were people she knew in real-life, there was no way to verify this). We never video-chatted. I saw pre-recorded videos of her, but never personalized ones that couldn’t have been fabricated. She had no pictures of her face on her facebook or myspace accounts and freaked out when I posted pictures of her on her own facebook wall. And despite constant planning, we never actually met.
Again, what makes the whole situation so annoying is all of this really still doesn’t prove anything. She explained to me that she didn’t really use Facebook or MySpace. Some people don’t. We never video chatted because her webcam was broken. It could have been. She freaked out about me posting pictures of her on her own facebook because she is very private about her “real life” because she’s had several stalkers online. This does make some sense. And we never met because multiple inconveniences kept happening that prevented it.. But maybe all of that is plausible. Maybe she is everything she says she is and just decided that she didn’t want to meet me. Or maybe meeting me wasn’t as important to her as my meeting her was to me.
There are other things that make me skeptical of her life, such as the fact that she has had a more dramatic life than any person I’ve ever known personally. But, then, surely some people do have such dramatic lives. Yes, it’s unlikely to have been held at gun-point 5 times, but it’s certainly probably happened to someone. Who’s to say that someone wasn’t her?
The most confusing part of the whole situation is that she was a really great friend to me. She was there for me when I was in need, after the first break-up with Heather. She listened to my problems and remembered them. She gave me great advice. She truly inspired me to be a better person and to improve myself in many ways. I definitely had very real feelings for the person on the other side of those phone conversations, whoever they were.
And, keep in mind, whether she was misrepresenting herself or not, she also took the time out of her day every day to call me and talk, often for hours. I think that is what made me believe in her for as long as I did – it just seems so incredibly unlikely that someone would invest that much in being a person that wasn’t genuine. But then maybe she never knew we would grow as close as she did. Maybe she never expected it to go so far.
Or maybe she was everything she said and the fact that I never had conclusive evidence of her existence is just a coincidence. Or maybe she withheld that evidence because she really is very private and never wanted to turn our friendship into something that extended beyond cyberspace and telephone calls. But then why not just say that? Why plan to meet me?
I must say, if I truly was “catfished” the masterful thing about pulling it off is to not avoid the issue. She often told me “Matt, you would LOVE to videochat with me. I can’t wait until we do it.” It was her idea initially to meet. We planned on going to Europe together.
So, how can I call her out for these things when she is actively seeking them to? She does want to videochat, she just can’t because her webcam doesn’t work. She does want to meet, otherwise why would she be planning a vacation for us together?
Anyway, I suppose it’s obvious from the tone of this entry that we have grown apart over the years. After multiple failed attempts at meeting her, I mostly gave up on the friendship ever being a real thing. I didn’t necessarily conclude that she wasn’t the person she represented herself to be (
despite suspicions), but I did conclude that she wasn’t interested in our friendship ever being more than virtual and I was at a point in my life where I had enough online friends.
I think the most annoying part of the whole saga is that I was suspicious of her from day one. I always felt that something wasn’t right about the way she represented herself. But I ignored my suspicions, because I couldn’t really prove that I was right and more than anything I wanted to be wrong. I wanted her to really be real and the longer we were friends the more I wanted that. After all, it’s a pretty devastating thing to admit to yourself that this person who you have developed genuine feelings for has misrepresented themselves. Nevermind a person who you planned an entire European trip with, including telling your friends and family about the trip that you never ended up going on potentially because the person who you were going with doesn’t actually exist.
But then the most confusing thing about the whole situation is that, even if I was “catfished” it still isn’t true to say that the person I talked to didn’t exist. There is still a person that I talked to on the phone who I genuinely did care for. That I honestly still care for. I once made a list of 102 things that I loved about her. It was a follow-up to a list of 101 things that she loved about me. After she wrote it I said “I think that is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.” I meant it at the time.
The truth is, I still hope I’m wrong. I hope she reads this entry and is so pissed off at me that she flies to Georgia just to slap me in the face for doubting her. But, even if I’m not wrong, I still appreciate the fact that she was there for me when she was. It’s a foolish unrealistic desire, but part of me still hopes that we can be real friends one day.
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Well, ironically after writing this entry, I performed a google image search on every picture the person in question has ever sent me. One of them turned up and led me to the page of a model who is friends with Heather Morris. This would not fit the biographical information of the person who I was friends with. Ironically, at the time the pictures were sent, Heather Morris was not the celebrity that she is now – had she not taken off for stardom I may have never discovered the truth. Which makes me feel only slightly less stupid.
But, yeah, I was catfished. I will admit, it was a great relief to finally find out the truth, even if it wasn’t quite the result I was hoping for. Unfortunately, now that I know that she wasn’t who she represented herself to be, I’m really only left with more questions. Is she someone else I know? Is she someone I somehow know in real life? Another open diarist? Has she already met me and I didn’t know it?
But, yeah, more than anything I just feel like an idiot.
Hmm, I never trusted her and you always disliked me for that. Even now you do. P.S. My list was better and you know it.
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Maybe she’s sweatpea33!
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Why in the world did you post pictures of her on her own facebook page? And how? Did you stalk her on the internet to find pictures of her and then post them for her?? At first I thought this was me, too, because of my weirdness online. Sadly, my online weirdness is because I WAS catfished, twice, way before anyone knew what that was. Over eleven years ago. ~I’ll be
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*random* I think this happens more than most people on this site know. When I first started writing here (2005) there were two women I “knew” on here who were pretending to be others. One was a 45-year-old woman who pretended to be 24 to some guy. She used a picture of her niece or someone in the family as her profile pic. The guy was also in his 40s but she didn’t want him to know she was that age for some reason. He fell in love with her and she faked her death. Another (age 38) was communicating with some guy stationed in Iraq. Said she was 23 and single. She was actually married with kids. The funny thing about that one was I think the guy was lying as well. I, myself, got duped by some guy who pretended to be Mr Wonderful and turned out to be an alcoholic, drug addicted, abusive husband. He was supposedly divorce and never drank or touched drugs. Online is a scary, deceptive place sometimes. I’d like to nominate you for RC but don’t want to do so without your permission.
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Anyway, I think some people, especially women, get off on the attention tese virtual relationships bring. Either they are married or in a relationhip in real life and just looking for more attention or they have some kind of issues with intimacy in person so they start these online things, knowing that they have full control of the outcome.
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^Sorry for the lack of clarity. She sent me pictures of herself. If it was her.
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I should probably clarify, too. The two women that I mentioned. The one who faked her death was writing in a different diary. One, where she pretended to be the younger woman and another where she talked about what she was doing. The other one wasn’t talking to the guy on here. It was some chatroom thing where she “met” him.
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Oh how humiliating for you. Best wishes for the future.
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That’s a hard thing to go through. However, I think every relationship has misrepresentations in it, especially early on. We cover up our flaws, only letting the other person see the best of ourselves. So much of growing closer to each other is letting down those covers so that the other person sees those flaws and still loves us just the same. It’s easier to be deceived online, but the most
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hopeful of us want to believe that removing the physical aspect will allow the other person to truly fall in love with us for who we are on the inside. Maybe she lied about her physical appearance. Maybe she just enjoyed having such emotional power over another. Maybe she was 100% honest. Whatever the case may be, I hate it that you went through that, and I hope you find someone who’s real.
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I know the feeling. I’ve been in that position, I’m in the UK & I flew to the other side of the world to the USA stupidly of me… I checked into a hotel 5 days earlier than I’d planned so you can take a guess at whether the person I’d been talking to was who met me at the other side. xx
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“Oh how humiliating for you” ? What? I do not understand that noter. It’s hardly humiliating for you, you were your own true self. How is that humiliating? ?
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Held at gun point 5 times?! Unless you’re white and living Oakland, CA I doubt it (and even then probably not, because chances are the thugs would just shoot you the 1st time). I’d love to hear a follow up of her flying out to GA 😉 I had an OD friend that I talked to regularly too and then one day he just disappeared…Hmm perhaps I was catfished as well(never thought about it til now).
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I’ve been here from the beginning and I’ve had a few encounters and friendships that were odd. Most often I find that people represent themselves as they wish they were or could be, rather than they actually are. It could be argued that none of see ourselves clearly. I don’t know. I try to take the good – and leave the rest. Friendship moments are wonderful – even if they are few. The mediumlends itself to oddness. Be well – lovely entry.
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This is “BRANDEE NORDSTROM” all over again!!!! Good grief
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People have been being played for decades. That’s what we called ‘catfish’ before the MTV show. Keep your head up, and I wish you the best.
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um, can you ask heather to not state my name publicly in this entry? Thanks.
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^Oddly enough, I know a “Kate” on here that is very secretive and I’ve always wondered… I digress. I know more people on this site that have had an issue with a “fake” diarist than I do ones who have not been “victim.” I think it’s how this site lost its splendor for me over the years. I needed a safe place, and it was no longer safe.
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I do find it amusing that when you assume she isn’t the person she portrayed herself to be, that you still care for that person even though she likely misrepresented everything else as well, in which case you don’t know that person at all. Amusing and a little bit sad. How can you possibly believe your caring is honest and true for someone if you know nothing about them?
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That being said, I don’t find anything you talked about that far out there. For example, if you grew up where I did, it’s not that uncommon to be held at gunpoint or knifepoint. I’ve been there a few times. Also the vidchat thing, why not make it happen? Buy her a cheap one, you can get em sent from amazon for as little as 5 dollars. If she refuses, then back off it. *shrug* Simple as that imho.
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Same with facebook. My facebook is INCREDIBLY bare of friends and family. I just don’t deal with mine on there and I don’t want them there. Most of the people on there are online friends. That’s not the crazy either. *shrugs again*
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I don’t think it matters if people know her name or not so I don’t know why you privated my note. I honestly didn’t know she requested you not post it. It’s not like you linked her diary. And anyone could figure it out if they wanted to. I mean, it isn’t like you tried to go to Europe with a lot of people.
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In this day and age if someone wants to prove they are who they say they are, they can easily find a way. The people on Catfish the TV show are so dumb.. simple Googling often proves someone’s identity. Anyway you can appreciate your friend for what she was/is; someone who was there for you and enjoyed talking to you.
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So unplug the webcam. 😛 And if she refuses cut her off. No point in lying to yourself about the whole thing.
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Also, who is Brandee Nordstrom?
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Brandee Nordstrom is/was easily the most famous deceit in the history of Open Diary. She amassed 30,000 notes far more quickly than anybody, and she did so as a 38yo housewife presenting herself as a fun and frolicking single girl of 25. She duped an OD regular into visiting her in Calif., from the east coast, not letting on her true look until she knocked on his hotel room door.
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To the (dis)credit of the duped one, he invited the ficticious Brandee Nordstrom into his hotel room for an explanation, and then he happily F*CKED HER only then saying: “I think you’d better leave now”. Other diarists actually met (IRL) this supposed 25yo, and they did nothing to unearth her scam.
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Brandee Nordstrom / Dean(n)a : http://a2.ec-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/150/48dbd3d67be64b84a1d12728990de765/l.jpg
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There have been more than one fake diaries on this site. Maybe a few remember the sweet young boy who died and his brother carried on his diary.
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Matt you have a lot of pidgets on this entry. It’s kind of funny. Maybe they’re Katie.
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Or maybe it’s Brandee Nordstrom!
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Why do you have a picture of Brandee Nordstrom? And what’s with all the unsigned notes. Is that you Kevin?
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You know, Brandee was really quite nice even though she had a fake diary.
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Just an opinion here. Some people are not meant to be “real-in-person” friends yet they probably don’t realize it nor do they mention it to other people. These are insecure people, usually, or those totally concerned about safety. We need to remember that there are those “out there” , some pervs that actually “groom” their victims for as long as a year or more. She might have been real or not.
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Today, there is skype –and that shows you a person a little more precisely than a pre-recorded video. A pre-recorded video could have been made ten years ago. I think that if you just listen to your own gut instincts you might be happy. Usually, if we have suspicions of a person, there is a reason to be suspicious. No one knows about that friend of yours except her and you.
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I think, if you meet someone online, talk everyday, share intimate moments and such, the next step is getting together irl, it’s all like prep work for the real life skin to skin relationship. Even if u meet in real life and you dont click,, at least you tired and didnt pussy out, seems liek she was scared of showing u her true physical appearance, maybe she was giving u pics of someone she wasnt?
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The same thing happened to me a couple of years ago. My husband had passed away a year earlier, and I “virtually” met the most understanding, charming man. He told me he was deaf, that’s why he couldn’t talk on the phone. He couldn’t video chat because his cam too was broken. Still he was there for me. I was lonely, and wanted to see the best in people. I developed feelings for this person…
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We were online together every night. We exchanged pictures. He told me he would come to visit me. I believed him. I truly did. I feel like such a fool now. I feel as if I let my husband down when I let my guard down, and allowed this person into my life. I was a fool. A part of me still is though it’s not as bad as it was at first. When our “love” blew up in my face I was devestated. I couldn’t…
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…sleep. I couldn’t eat. I was simply devestated. A part of me still thinks that someday he’ll be sorry. He’ll message me, email me, something and we’ll start over again. Still another more reasoning part of me knows that this isn’t going to happen, and if it did I would not allow him to do that to me again. Once was enough. I’m not entirely healed from the experience. I’m more wise though. I’m..
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also now in a healthy relationship with a man I was fortunate enough to meet online but also in person as well. I’m as happy as I can be. I’m also a lot stronger for going through it. I am glad you shared your story. I’m sorry you went through this though.
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Brandee Nordstrom was a WHORE.
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You definitely got scammed bro.
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Did you ever do cyber or phonesex with her?
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^No. Our relationship was never really romantic.
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Perhaps the female Open Diarist subject of this entry was really quite nice???? (as if that excuses anything)
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Skype can still be manipulated with software. the only way you really know someone is to well know them.
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By the way I am glad you don’t have the bitterness. I would unfortunately be quite pissed. I hope someday you get some answers though.
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“the only way you really know someone is to well know them” Is that what the OD guy was doing? “well-knowing” Brandee before he kicked her out of his hotel room? I love it!
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this (and the accompanying commentary) is one the most interesting things i’ve ever read. i’m sorry it took all this time for you to find out. we’ve probably (especially on OD) been “catfished” (? never heard this term before) more times than we know.
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Wow, lookit this can of worms! Ah, Matt. *pats*
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Oh wow, how crazy. I have no idea who Heather Morris is though…But damn, this sucks. Don’t feel bad I think it happens a lot more than most realize.
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Reminds me of Kevin!
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I think I am the person you are talking about! So sorry I hurt you.
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I made friendship with a girl here named “bethany alice”. The thing is, she was a big support and she also made of me a bit of a better person. We would exchange some emails. Then one day her fiancé logged in and announced to all of us she was in coma. I believed it. They never updated the diary again. Then some months later I was cleaning my email folders and I found her emails…
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(cont.) I searched her fb profile… And it was the email address of this Orla Harrington, irish girl, she had almost everything public so I saw everything she claimed was a lie and not only that… She was so alive as you and me. Disappointment. But it’s okay. I keep only what she taught me. The rest is like if she was really in coma, in a far away land.
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P.S. – Although ironically, I am currently living in Ireland again. 3 hours by car from the town where she lives. I find this thought very amusing!
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I banged Brandee Nordstrom. TWICE
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“I am not the person who is singing I am the silent one inside I am not the one who laughs at people’s jokes I just pacify their egos I am not my house or my car or my songs They are only just stops along my way I am like winter I’m a dark cold female With a golden ring of wisdom in my cave”
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and everybody banged Brandee Norstrom twice!
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Nobody cares about Brandee Nordstrom. Stop leaving creepy notes. Or sign them at least. Pidget.
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Wow, that really sucks. Interesting you brought this up. I haven’t actually attempted to contact or meet anyone that was online but I have been paranoid about this after seeing the movie Catfish. I’m sorry that happened to you. I can’t believe people are that crazy! –
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I banged Heatherette AND Brandee Nordstrom… during a bisexual Open Diary 3-way.
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… says the one who asked about Brandee Nordstrom in the first place!
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This entry is a bummer, but the notes are hilariously odd.
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Matt: It is very interesting that you wrote an entry as such for I wrote an entry today about Te’o and being catfish…I didn’t know what this means until it was mentioned from writers’ of a show commenting on basing Te’o’s story for an episode or episodes. I can’t imagine how it feels to find out that someone wasn’t who they say they were. Even when I started using the Internet regularly at 17, I realized how much it was a gambled to talk to anyone online who you didn’t know in real life. It still is…and the danger there, well, it still exists. Then again, one can argue that whether you are online or in real life, we all have met scammers one time or the other…who pretend like they were someone else…and they were not. I think you are always taking a gamble trusting folks…whether they are real or they are fictional. YET, nevertheless, it can still hurt when you have decided a lot of time to spend with someone…and you come to find out that they were deceitful with you. As for your gut, Friend, as you become older, you trust that MORE THAN YOU EVER DID. If your gut says something is OFF, 99% of the time, your gut is RIGHT.
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They’ve got catfish on the table They’ve got gospel in the air And Reverend Green be glad to see you When you haven’t got a prayer But boy you’ve got a prayer in Memphis
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randomly sent and sad of the experience you went through…
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Oh I SO CALLED this way back when. Sweet vindication!
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