House
So, I’m buying a house. I’ve practically already bought one – I’m scheduled to close on March 30th. It just makes more sense for me financially. I did some calculations a few months ago and I think I could afford a $120-130k home based on the rent I’m paying now. That’s including estimates for closing costs and property taxes and all that too.
So I found a house listed at $107k that I really liked, I offered 88k, they declined, I offered 99k, they accepted. The house is probably about the same quality of my apartment on the interior, but it will give me a lot more space and save me money. It also allows for more room when/if Heather makes her move to Georgia.
Heather’s potential move to Georgia is at once both this exciting and terrifying thing for the two of us. Relocation of some sort is obviously necessary if we’re going to continue being in an exclusive relationship, but it also shakes up lives that we’re both relatively comfortable with right now (comfortable with aside from the fact that it prevents us from seeing each other that often anyway). Seriously, I keep thinking about what a big change it would be for me when/if she moves here. It would obviously be a much bigger change for Heather considering she’d be uprooting herself from her family and friends and moving across the country to live with a boy who isn’t always the best roommate.
I have had some moments lately in which I worry if her moving here is really the right thing for her. I have a fear of disappointing her I suppose, though disappointment may be the wrong word – I don’t mean it in a self-deprecating “I’m not good enough for her” kind of way. I just wonder if I am going to provide her with the life that she wants. With the boyfriend that she wants. And, if not, if it’s wise for her to alter her entire life just so we can figure that out.
I know that I am a very solitary person and that I live my life very modestly. There are plenty of things that I am willing to splurge on, yes, but there are even more that I am absurdly cheap about. And I know that this is not always very easy to deal with, especially when you are my girlfriend.
We have already been arguing over how to decorate my new house. Heather thinks it needs a new paint job because the current colors are horrid; I think they’re fine. I have an old print hanging above my couch that I like just because it belonged to my grandmother; Heather thinks it’s hideous and needs to go. I like a scattered quirky decor that is based on movie posters and random stuff that I pick up cheaply here and there; Heather thinks my apartment looks like crap. And so on.
If you’re thinking that this seems like really petty stuff, then you’re right. It is. I think that is what is worrying about it – that we’re already arguing over incredibly petty stuff. The truth of it is that I am not very good at compromise. I’ve lived quite a few years on my own now and I’m accustomed to getting things how I want them all the time. Unfortunately, the reality is that, if this relationship with Heather is going to work, I need to grow up and get over getting things how I want them all the time and open myself up to compromise more often.
But I don’t know if I’m ready to grow up yet.
girls like to nest. i moved to a guy’s house once. his stuff was everywhere and it never really felt like my place, so i quickly moved out. it just never felt like i actually lived there. and a new paint job always makes a place feel like your own. if she hates the old colors, go to the paint store and pick colors that both of you like. it’ll be your house together, then. she’ll feel more at home
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Let her decorate like, one room entirely, but the rest you’ll have to compromise on. If she wants to paint, she can go buy the paint. Is she gonna split the bills with you? Nothing wrong with being cheap, except that you make plenty of money so cut it out. ; ) ~I’ll be
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Matt, if you’re worried because she wants to argue about how your house looks, then you have nothing to worry about. Women want to create their environment. If you want her to live with you, COMPROMISE. You can’t TELL me you would truly be unhappy if she painted your living room, or relegated your movie posters to the the study, or whatever. So relax. And congrats on the house!!!
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Yes, G and I both had ideas of what we wanted in a house. Of course, we both house hunted together. I’m not sure how I would have felt moving to Tulsa to his apartment. Hmmm…I will say we have worked together to create the lives we live. Good Luck!
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Congrats! It feels so good to be a homeowner. Unless a pipe bursts or the dog destroys the carpet. Other than that, it feels so good. 🙂
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I understand your concern, but let Heather decide if it’s good for her to move or not. I’m sure she already thought on all this and she still wants to move, so that’s because she knows it’s going to be good for her. Plus, arguing about petty stuff is good. It’s insignificant. If you were arguing for big things – now that could cause a real damage to your relationship.
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Well if you two are moving intogether into a new place of course she will want to make it hers. If the colors make her unhappy let her research it and then go pick colors that you both can agree on. Its a big move for her already she is probably just nervous and wants to make the place right for you two. Pick your battles sir, and enjoy the new abode! congrats
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Matt, I like how you make me to see more snobby in this entry about paint colors and art choices than I am, and yet everyone is still on my side. Haha. Anyway, I feel like you’re unnecessarily stressing about my desires to remodel your new home. I think I’m all about nesting because I’m making this big move and it’s a good project for me. Sigh. We’ll figure it out anyway
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P.S. You should post a picture of that piece of art you’re talking about. I told you that you could keep the dog too! And that’s from your g’parents house too. Just not the cardboard print and all fifteen posters of movies. I promise not to keep all the kiddie art I still have hanging around my room. See, compromise.
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I think it’s one thing if the other person is moving into a place that you have already made your own. Like when I moved in with my boyfriend, it’s already decorated the way he wants (movie posters, action figures.. things I would never have) but I deal with it because this was already his, but he has let me feel like mine too in little ways. But if you are getting a place that is essentially…
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for you both, then you should allow her input, since it will be yours together. When my boyfriend and I move, I will definitely be laying down some decorating law. But with all relationships come compromise, so maybe she doesn’t like the g’ma painting, so maybe it can hang somewhere that’s not the front room? And the paint colors, I agree with others, pick out colors together you both like!
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And CONGRATS!!!!
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I think it’s impressive you’re going to be closing on a house. The living together thing will likely be tough if it happens, but many people have dated without living together and made the change and figured it out. I think if you both are willing to grow up a little, it will be okay. And a house. That is so very cool. I’ve never even been close to that.
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RYN – Remember, I live in Hippie-ville so it’s not totally weird. We’ve met her before, she knew my boyfriend recently moved in, and she lives alone. And she probably wants to save a hundred bucks a month. So. I told MCG last night that I wouldn’t mind, but I don’t want to move twice in six months or anything. Plus we’d have to coordinate a day when it could get totally accomplished… ~I’ll be
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Matt, you’re entry further inspired me to go ahead and write about what I read…it is tied into a little of what you talk about being nervous about Heather moving in with you…and it being the best decision. You, my friend, are a wonderful person!
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