Answering Questions: Part II

Questions. We start with one from YoursforNow:

So, when are you getting married?

Er, not soon. The only viable candidate for joining me for the ceremony is obviously Heather and I think we’d both want to live with one another for a while before we’d even really consider marriage. She currently still lives in California and is probably still at least a year away from moving here. So. I’m still a long way from being in a position to even consider marriage.

Next we have three questions from sayhello who asks:

What’s your biggest regret?

I really regret not making an attempt to be more social when I started college. I spent a lot of my college days in my dorm room or apartment talking to people online. I know it’s lovely that I wrote over 100 entries per year back then instead of the measly 15 or so I write now, but I think my happiness would have been enhanced if I made myself leave my comfort zone more often.

Then again, it’s because of me spending so much time online back then that I ended up meeting and interacting with Heather, so perhaps it’s for the best that I wasn’t very social. I still think my life would have benefited from a bit more sociality then though, even if it came at the expense of Heather-time.

If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?

Is it sad that this question causes me to immediately think of physical characteristics? Yes, I’d have less acne! Be taller! Get rid of my excessive chest hair!

In my defense, I think physical characteristics are really the ones that I’m most unable to change. Sure, I have been known to have an irrational anger problem that leads me to “explode” occasionally, but that is something that I can change and rather have changed over the last few years. Whatever personality flaws I have, they are all within my power to change and I’d like to think that I have improved on a lot of them as time has gone on.

So, returning to the question, I’d probably make myself taller. Not that I am awfully short now (about 5’9), but I still wouldn’t mind being a bit taller. Of course, better posture might be a good place to start – I am known for slouching!

Whats your favourite thing about Heather?

I don’t know, obviously it’s difficult to pinpoint one favorite thing about a person that I’m rather fond of, but I really like that Heather has the ability to look at complex issues from both sides and also has the ability to defend someone who takes a position that she doesn’t agree with. Maybe this seems like a foolishly simple thing, but I’ve found that it’s

a much more difficult quality to find in a person than one might think. I think when it comes to disagreements most people are painfully bad at seeing another person’s side of an argument. It’s absolutely impossible that there is a good reason that their boyfriend didn’t take the garbage out or that the United States invaded Iraq and that is that.

Unfortunately, usually reality isn’t that simple and I like that Heather has the ability to grasp that. I think certainty is overvalued in our society, because certainty isn’t something easily obtained and the overvaluing of certainty leads more often to people holding on to intellectually bankrupt ideas because they can’t bear the social costs of being wrong. There are many things in this life that are complex and I believe a wise person is someone who is willing to say “I was wrong about that, because I wasn’t considering this” more so than the person who is “consistent” in their beliefs. So, yes, Heather is a girl who is constantly changing her mind and is never sure about much (oftentimes including how she feels about me), but in a strange way that is my favorite thing about her, because I love her willingness to accept that people are rarely certain and that she doesn’t have to pretend that she is.

She also has a nice butt.

Next The Sanguinary One asks:

MR MATT… HOW DOES SHERBET FIZZ?

When you put the sherbet on your tongue, the citric acids crystals dissolve and react with the bicarbonate of soda to create carbon dioxide gas. The carbon dioxide is what makes the sherbet fizz.

Next an anonymous noter asks:

okay, so . . . why don’t you make it happen with heather? take the risk and move out together. what do you have to lose? you’ve loved each other for years and balked at changing your relationship. why do you fear the physical proximity?

Psh, leading question! Trust me, I do not fear the physical proximity, in fact we deal with each other much better when we are in close physical proximity. This is one reason we managed to see each other 4 times (and for a total of about a month) this year, despite the fact that she lives in California and I have a pretty busy work schedule – because we really, really like a, um, close physical proximity. I mean, when you think about it, I spent about 1/12 of my time this calendar year with Heather – I know that’s not much, but it’s actually not that horribly bad considering she lives on the other side of the country.

That said, we are moving towards taking the risk and moving together, but we are admittedly moving at a crawl, especially considering that we have loved each other for years and all that. I do think it’s misleading to say that we’ve “loved each other for years and balked at changing your relationship” though

, because, although it’s true enough to say that we’ve loved each other for years, for most of those years we had agreed that being together romantically and exclusively in the long-term was never going to work. Since 2007, when Heather lived a year in Europe, we’ve had a relationship in which we obviously cared greatly for one another, but also openly dated and pursued other romantic interests without worry. It isn’t until relatively recently that we’ve decided to give “us” a chance again. Considering all that, I don’t look at us as two people who have loved each other for years from a distance, but who are just too afraid of making the move to be together. Perhaps there is some truth to that generalization, but it is more complicated than that.

Bleh, I know this isn’t the most romantic answer ever. Moving across the country is a big deal and isn’t easy. We both have good jobs that we are happy with right now. We both are very close to our families and friends who are nearby. As terrifically happy as Heather makes me and I make her, we are not the only things each other cares about – again I know this isn’t as terrifically romantic as if I were saying “I am moving to California to be with her, because I would die if we spent another day apart!” but the truth is, I wouldn’t die and neither would she and we both can live happy independent lives apart. It so happens that we are even happier when we are together and we both want to make that happen, but sacrificing everything in our lives immediately to do that isn’t reasonable. I know my rationality is conquering my romance again, but I think it will be better for our relationship if we take moving across the country to live with one another seriously and slowly as opposed to just doing it on a whim, as tempting as that seems sometimes.

And on that note we end the bi-annual “Ask Matt Random Questions” event. Thanks for all who participated. Hopefully you at least learned a bit about why I like Heather!