The 6th Annual Diary Survey: Movie Edition!

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So, in my long absence from OD, I nearly forgot one of the most popular yearly events here in OD land: The Annual Diary Survey! I can only imagine the disappointment that would have swept through the community had April 1st came and I had not posted the annual March event. Many likely would have taken it for a cruel April Fool’s Day joke. It’s a stirring thought, to know that my carelessness could have caused so much potential pain.

 

Anyway, I’ve decided to use a a movie survey for this year’s edition of the Annual Diary Survey. I realize that most of you would find it more tolerable if I just did a more general survey, but, well, I figure the number of people who actually read every answer I put to a survey is pretty limited anyway, so why not do one that I would enjoy more in my geeky way?

 

Also, before I begin, I must make one geek note: Every question that asks something like “Best Horror Movie” I reinterpret to mean “My Favorite Horror Movie.” I know this is probably a petty designation, but there is a difference in what I would consider the Best Movie I’ve seen on an objective level and the movies that I enjoy personally because they speak to me. And I’m not a film critic and don’t study film, so I’ll leave it to others to say what the “Best Movies” ever are – this survey is about my personal preferences, nothing more.

 

And without further ado:

 

1. Ten Best Films of All-Time:

 

(listed alphabetically)

 

Apocalypse Now: The most horrifying movie I’ve ever seen.

 

Fargo: A sneakily poetic movie that is also very funny. I think of it as a sort of American masterpiece.

 

Junebug: This movie probably speaks to me, personally, more than any other with the story of a southerner who is returning home with his fiancé from Chicago (granted, I’ve never moved away from the south, but, you know, emotionally speaking or something). I also think it did an incredibly great job of characterizing southern people and I love the way it humanizes characters who aren’t exactly Ivy League graduates.

 

The Last Picture Show: A real classic that seems to have been forgotten as time has passed. Speaks to me especially because of the small-southern-town setting.

 

Me and You and Everyone We Know: Objectivity completely fails me here, as I just have a huge crush on Miranda July.

 

No Country for Old Men: Just a pitch perfect western/thriller with a ton of nuance and a great performance from Tommy Lee Jones. Notice the Coen brothers are the only director(s) to show up twice on my top ten.

 

Pulp Fiction: Probably the most purely entertaining movie I’ve ever seen and the closest I’ve ever seen to a movie being just absolutely perfectly done. And it has the greatest dialogue ever.

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The Remains of the Day: Absolutely mesmerizingly subtle performances by Anthony Hopkins and Emma Thompson here.

Secrets & Lies: The best of Mike Leigh’s films, it carries a real emotional weight and is also laugh out loud funny!

 

The Talented Mr. Ripley: This was what I considered my “favorite” movie for ages after I first saw it in 1999 and I do still think it’s an excellently entertaining thriller with the creepiest performance you’ll ever seen from Matt Damon. I also have a soft spot for movies that have flawed protagonists.

 

 2. Five Worst Films of All-Time:

This is a bit tough, seeing as I don’t watch many movies I don’t expect to like, but here goes.

 

Black Knight: Martin Lawrence has the ability to annoy me unlike anyone else.

 

Jackass: The Movie: My only exposure to the Jackass franchise and the only exposure I ever want. Stupid and disgusting.

 

The Longest Yard: I’m referring to the original Burt Reynolds movie here, as it’s just absolutely terrible on every level and it’s pretty mind boggling that this was popular enough to demand a remake years later!

 

The Princess Diaries: Honestly, I’m sure this isn’t among the 5 worst movies I’ve seen, but I tend to block a lot of terrible movies from my memory. That said, this is still really bad and I’m not ashamed of putting it here.

 

Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Prices: Absolute liberal propaganda. This coming from a person who likes Michael Moore’s movies! This is the most intelligence insulting documentary I’ve ever seen and is the ultimate example of the dangers of using anecdotal evidence to make a greater argument.

3. Biggest Guilty Pleasure: Pet movies. The Adventures of Milo & Otis and Homeward Bound are great!

4. Best Title: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

5. Worst Title: Nothing really leaps to mind, just anything generic. The Descent. Hostage.

6. Movie Titles That Could Be Confused with Porn Titles: Big Daddy? I don’t know!

7. Sequels We Didn’t Need: Over half the sequels ever made would probably fall under this category. Shrek is one movie in particular where the story was perfectly finished, but the popularity demanded mediocre sequels.

8. Best Sequel: The Godfather: Part II, though I’m not in the group who finds the 2nd film better than the first. Honorable mention to Before Sunset.

9. Worst Sequel: Rush Hour 2. Because Chris Tucker wasn’t annoying enough in the first movie.

10. Most Disappointing Movie: Take your pick between two Tim Burton re-makes:  Planet of the Apes or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?

11. Most Bizarre Film: This is tough seeing as I watch my share of strange cinema. There’s plenty of David Lynch movies that could qualify here. But, really, how can you go against a film where the entire cast was hypnotized? Thus, Herzog’s Heart of Glass is my pick.

13. Best Acting Portfolio: This is a coin-flip between several actors, but I’m choosing Robert Duvall. From the Godfather films to his amazing performance in The Apostle to some pretty good stock performances in recent years (Open Range!), Duvall’s got a pretty impressive and lengthy portfolio.

14. Worst Acting Portfolio: Keanu Reeves really has his share of bad movies (The Matrix withstanding).

15. Most Fun I’ve Had at the Movies: I have to go with Pulp Fiction again. Just such an entertaining movie.

16. Best Movie I’ve seen in the last year: It’s now been over a year since I’ve seen No Country for Old Men so I have to come up with a new answer. I’ll have to go with Murmur of the Heart (a French film made in the 1970’s, but I saw in the last year). This also has the best Netflix description for a movie I’ve ever seen.

17. Paris Hilton Award for Worst Movie Premise: I want to sit in on the session of people in business suits discussing the premise of Slam Dunk Ernest.

 

18. Best Villain: Brando’s Kurtz in Apocalypse Now. Not a

traditional answer, but who’s scarier Kurtz or Freddy Kruger?

19. Worst Villian: Um, I thought the villain in Hostage was really bad.

20. Best Onscreen Death: Take your pick from Pulp Fiction: Vincent (John Travolta) being shot by Bruce Willis after the toaster goes off or Vincent accidentally shooting Marvin in the face.

21. Worst Onscreen Death: So many cheesy things to pick from. I remember some especially chessy stuff from Resident Evil, so I’ll vaguely go with something from that.

22. Thora Birch Award for Hottest Female Actress: I’m not sure why this award is named after Thora Birch (no offense!) I really have the hots for Keira Knightley though.

23. Best Acting Performance: Seems unfair to pick one performance ever because of all the great ones it leaves out, but I have to go with Anthony Hopkins in The Remains of the Day.

24. Best Acting Performance Runner Up: Robert Duvall as an impassioned pastor in The Apostle.

25. Worst Acting Performance: Put all Keanu Reeves movies in a box, shake it, and pick one out.

26. Worst Acting Performance Runner Up: Pick another one.

27. Best Supporting Actor Performance: If you consider Brando’s role in the Godfather to be a supporting role, than that has to be it.

28. Best Supporting Actress Performance: Amy Adams in Junebug.

29. Best Screenplay: I thought Charlie Kaughman’s Adaptation was pretty brilliant, if obviously self-absorbed.

30. Worst Screenplay: I don’t know that you can really pick out a “worst” screenplay. There’s kinda a bottomed-out level where any writer can lazily structure something really generic together.

31. Best Director: I have to go with the Coen Brothers, as they’ve made some absolute classics without ever producing a real stinker (though I thought O Brother Where Art Thou was close).

32. Worst Director: Again, I don’t focus a lot on bad movies, but I will say that Jan de Bont made some real stinkers over the years.

33. Best Animated Film: Shrek is an easy choice if you limit your options to family/kids movies. Waking Life maybe if you’re thinking more adult animation.

34. Best Horror: If you mean horror in the true sense of the word, Apocalyse Now. If you mean horror in terms of the widely accepted genre definition, 28 Days Later.

35. Best Comedy: Personally Little Murders makes me laugh more than any other film I’ve ever seen, but I very much believe most people’s mileage is going to vary on this one (though I still do recommend it, if nothing else than to witness Donald Sutherland as a hippie preacher).

36. Best Musical: Not exactly my expertise. I did really enjoy De-Lovely.

37. Most Overrated Movie: The Dark Knight. Seriously, it’s just an overblown action movie. Put me to sleep.

38. Most Underrated Movie: The Talented Mr. Ripley is a really thrilling and complex movie that pretty much got ignored at awards time when it came out and now is pretty forgotten, I think.

39. Most Overrated Actor/Actress: I know he was good as Ray Charles, but I’m not a big Jamie Foxx fan.

40. Most Underrated Actor/Actress of 2008: Matt Damon. He’s shown some really good range from the ghetto genius of Good Will Hunting to the creepy Talented Mr. Ripley to the action star of the Bourne movies. Not many people can play such diverse roles and he doesn’t get much respect for what he’s capable of.

 

In closing, I can only say that if anyone actually read all this, then I’m impressed.