Answering Questions: Part III! Plus More Calesha
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And finally after all the Calesha hogwash I finish up answering all of your questions. We start with a pair from Beautifully/Torn who asks:
Was all of your post-secondary education worth it? Do you think you would (or could, even) still be happy and successful without it?
The latter question is by far the easier to answer, as I definitely think that I could and would still be happy and successful without my masters degree. I’m a firm believer in the idea that there are an infinite number of paths that each of us could take and that varying forms of happiness may be achieved in each of them. I think the important thing is to not dwell on the choices that we have made in the past and the alternatives that we could have taken, but instead making the best of the situations that we are currently in. Still, objectively, would I be better off without wasting a year getting a masters degree? It’s definitely arguable that it would have been better to wait until I got a bit of real-world experience in accounting, especially seeing how my first job worked out. But I’m not going to dwell on it.
And now we move on to several questions from catch the sparks who has a few less serious questions:
Peanut butter and jelly, or peanut butter and chocolate?
I’m not a big fan of peanut butter in general, but I think I like it combined with jelly better than chocolate. I’m not a big fan of Reese’s.
Laugh until you cry, or cry until you laugh?
I’ll go with laughing until I cry, since the initial reaction is probably more revealing of the underlying emotion.
lolcats or loldogs (come on, try to deny loving them!)
I can only claim to have seen lolcats (and only thanks to Erin!) and I found them mildly amusing, so I’ll pick them.
Lose your sense of smell or lose your sense of taste?
I’d probably opt for losing my sense of smell (since I already have a terrible one and it just seems generally less valuable), but if you think about it, it’d probably be more reasonable to lose my sense of taste. Then I would have no trouble eating healthy and it’d probably add a few years onto my life!
Colour with crayons or fly a kite?
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I have never in my life flown a kite, however, that makes it the winner because I always have sorta wanted to. Just not bad enough to actually go to the trouble to do it . . .
And now we close out with a question from Wumpy P. Pancakes who asks:
What book has inspired and motivated you to want to take action in your life?
A good, tough, question. I could go on forever about the books I found the most enjoyable to read, but which one actually inspired me to make changes in my life? Honestly, I’d have to go with Barry Schwartz’s The Paradox of Choice. It’s something of a pop-psychology book, yeah, but it’s serious enough to not be considered “self-help” and, I think, can really help a person get a better grasp of the things that actually make them happy (and how our wiring basically works against us a lot of the time). The book’s basic premise is that, while choice is a good thing for people and something that we do value, the overload of choice that our society faces today causes a huge and unnecessary amount of stress for people. The primary reason for this is that we humans seem to “punish” ourselves mentally for making bad decisions more than we reward ourselves for making good ones and, basically, a lot of times are happier if we don’t have to make a decision at all, especially if we don’t feel like we have time to make an informed one. This is probably a terrible summary of the book’s ideas, but then that’s why you should read the book. Still, it really has been the closest thing to a life-altering book for me as it’s helped me to realize a lot of my illogical thought processes and helped me to not focus on whether I have all the information possible about every subject but instead just make the best decisions possible with what I do know.
And I think that’s the last of the questions, though since I got a little behind in answering them it’s possible one slipped through the cracks. If you asked me question and you honestly wanted me to answer it, let me know and I will definitely do so!
Anyway, I couldn’t end the entry without at least a brief update on the Calesha saga, which does at least seem like it may have come to a conclusion. I responded to “Monique’s” e-mail asking if she had a facebook or myspace account and also asking if I could talk to her on the phone. Unsurprisingly, I have yet to get a response. Then, last night Calesha messaged me and was unsurprisingly friendly and willing to completely ignore my accusations of her lying, something I don’t think someone who was actually being truthful would do. Anyway, in the midst of her babbling I told her that I really wasn’t looking for a way to end our friendship and that I really wished it didn’t turn out this way. She acted oblivious, I further accused her of lying, and, well, I may as well just post the conversational excerpt since that’s really the easiest thing:
(12:34:42 AM) Matt: you know, I really wasn’t looking for a reason to lose you as a friend
(12:34:53 AM) Matt: and I really wish this didn’t happen
(12:34:54 AM) Calesha: What?
(12:35:03 AM) Matt: Calesha . . .
(12:35:15 AM) Calesha: Yes?
(12:35:22 AM) Matt: ok, keep being that way
(12:35:41 AM) Calesha: What are you talking about?
(12:35:47 AM) Calesha: What way am I being?
(12:36:23 AM) Calesha: And who said anything about losing people?
(12:36:50 AM) Matt: the way where you act innocent and like you haven’t created a half dozen creative lies in the time I’ve known you
(12:36:54 AM) Matt: though I do give you points for creativity
(12:37:05 AM) Calesha: Wow.
(12:37:11 AM) Matt: and, you know, even if you were telling me the truth and there is a person named Monique and you didn’t write the e-mail
(12:37:15 AM) Matt: which I am convinced you did
(12:37:23 AM) Matt: then it still wasn’t a very nice thing to do
(12:37:26 AM) Calesha: A half dozen lies, you say?
(12:37:32 AM) Calesha: Dude.
(12:37:58 AM) Calesha: Where are you getting this from?
(12:38:13 AM) Calesha: You have constantly called me a liar.
(12:38:49 AM) Calesha: And I have never in my life been labled as such. My own parents when they KNOW I’m lying to them have never called me a liar.
(12:38:55 AM) Calesha: And you know.
(12:39:09 AM) Calesha: I don’t see what your problem with me is.
(12:40:23 AM) Calesha: But if you want to sit there and call me liar and say how I’ve ma
de up half a dozen things…if that’s what you want to do to make yourself feel better and it helps you sleep at night, by all means, go ahead.
(12:42:33 AM) Calesha: I’ve done everything in power to continue a friendship with you after you have numerously questioned my integrity. I’ve done everything in my power to not….you know what, I don’t need to explain myself to you.
(12:43:13 AM) Calesha: Because obviously you were never my friend. If you ever ONCE questioned anything about anything I’ve said…you never considered me a friend.
(12:43:40 AM) Calesha: Please, don’t waste your time with a rebuttal.
(12:43:47 AM) Matt: Calesha, it really amazes me that you can turn this situation around and put it on me
(12:43:59 AM) Calesha: I’M NOT TURNING A DAMN THING AROUND
(12:43:59 AM) Matt: I thought you were better than that
(12:44:06 AM) Matt: and I really did care about you
(12:44:12 AM) Calesha: Yeah, right
(12:44:16 AM) Matt: I did
(12:44:22 AM) Calesha: You sit here and call me a liar, Matt.
(12:44:29 AM) Calesha: NEVER in my life has anyone dare say that to me
(12:44:49 AM) Matt: because you are a fucking liar and you know it and it’s sad that you still won’t admit to it when you’ve been caught
(12:45:08 AM) Calesha: I can’t believe this.
(12:45:31 AM) Matt: I can’t either
(12:45:37 AM) Matt: I wanted to go see you this Sunday
(12:45:42 AM) Matt: and have fun
(12:46:01 AM) Matt: and I don’t know why you wanted to play games with me and make up stories
(12:46:06 AM) Matt: but you ruined it
(12:46:19 AM) Matt: and I honestly am worried about you
(12:46:30 AM) Matt: because sometimes I think you really believe all the stuff that you tell me
(12:46:33 AM) Matt: and I’d love to help you
(12:46:35 AM) Matt: but I don’t really know how
(12:47:08 AM) Calesha: Save your shit, Matt. I’m the fucking psych major and trust me, OH WAIT THAT’S RIGHT…YOU DON’T. Well let me tell you, I’m the one with problems.
(12:48:03 AM) Calesha: I don’t know how it came to this, but even when I TRIED to be cordial, you just couldn’t let it be.
(12:48:27 AM) Calesha: So you know, have a great life, Matt. I hope you have a great life.
And that was the end of the conversation. She’s since blocked me on AIM and deleted me from her facebook friends. Which is about the level of maturity I expected from her. Oh well, at least it’s over, I guess. Though I am sad about the whole thing – Calesha may have not been my dream girl, but I did care about her and we did have good times together. It’s sad that it ended up like this for no reason other than her immaturity and inability to not manipulate relationships.
But, yeah, still, she is pretty amazingly good at making me into the crazy one isn’t she?
i mean girls tend to do that, which is why i don’t think they’re to be trusted. i will always regard them with suspicion henceforth.
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Okay, so she’s mad at you for calling her out? I feel like she was basically admitting she did lie, but is mad at you for confronting her. She did admit she lies to her parents, but apparently they don’t dare to call her a liar. CRAZY B*TCH!! I know it’s always sad to lose a friend, but I think you are better off. I guess this does mean your diary might get boring now.
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*sigh* its sad.
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She’s a crazy psycho b*tch. It sucks, huh. She and Todd should hook up. He can lie about having cancer and she can lie about her drama.
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Calesha is unwell. Unbalanced. Off. Has she always acted like that? I am sorry for it. It’s as you said. She wasn’t Ms. Right, but you cared for her and it’s hard to adjust to the truth of how she really is.
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Oh we all knew she was immature. Told you that from the start. At least it’s over, indeed. Though I’m still not positive that it’s certainly over…she’s clearly crazy. ~I’ll be
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” I guess this does mean your diary might get boring now.” HAH! Also, I bet her name’s not even Calesha. I bet her parents just go along with it because if they say, “Uh, you’re name isn’t Calesha,” she’d be all, “ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR!?” and Lord knows we can’t have that. I think you should show up at her house, beg forgiveness, see what she does, and tell us all about it. : ) ~I’ll be
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I think half a dozen seems like an understatement, even.
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Re the questions, how DARE you say my questions were less serious!? You cut me deep, Matt. Re Calesha, eeeeesh.
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Yeah, well, I’m a psych major too. I think she’s crazy. So obviously being a psych major means nothing because we both are and we both have different opinions of her. Then again, she did admit that she’s the one with problems in there. :p Now I’m going to walk around judging people because apparently being a psych major gives you the right to do that sort of thing. Oh right, I’m mature. Not that mocking her is the most mature thing to do, but it’s 2:30am and it’s fun. :/
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whew! [shakes head] i think it was for the best. you deserve so much better, you really do. as for sense of taste vs sense of smell. if you can’t smell, you can’t taste. and it’s awful. i lost my sense of smell/taste for 2 months after some sinus surgery. it made eating an agonizing experience.
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Sometimes I think she has a split personality. It’s really the only thing that makes sense. Maybe there’s Calesha and then there’s Monique. Can the split personalities interact? Then again, I always thought Calesha was 12. She really acts it. Maybe she has some kind of stunted growth. She might take to stalking you now. For some reason I think that’s her next move.
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Mate… this is not funny more, this is just really embarrassing. Go get drunk with Donna or summat eh…
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I’m not sure what her major has anything to do with anything, except that a better understanding of the human mind might’ve given her more sophisticated methods of playing mindgames and turning all your words against you. She’s batshit crazy. Poor Matt. You need to find a normal girl! No more OkC for you!
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Random note ’cause I know something about stuff. If this “monique” really did have a study, it would have to go through the ethics review board of the university. They would have a record of it if you called and asked. Also, they would NEVER have passed that kind of study without a much better debriefing process (I was on the screening board last year for my own school)
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Good luck with future romances. You handled it well and definitely deserve someone better than this. Sorry it turned out this way.
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Someone noted about studies going through boards…there are lots of informal studies at schools. I got to a liberal arts university and shit like that happens in classes all the time. So it COULD happen, but since CaleshaMonique is crazy, it didn’t. ~I’ll be
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Oh that’s true, I forgot about informal class studies. But even then I doubt any prof would give the go ahead to that kind of study given the ethics of it all. ryn: I failed so miserably that it’s actually kinda funny. Ah well, maybe next year.
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Why, because he cheated on me? Forgiveness is a vital part of life. ~I’ll be
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Thanks for answering my question! I really appreciate it! Now, to business. Mmmm…I want to give my condolences over the death of your friendship. I feel bad for you, my friend. Not pity by any means. I understand the feeling of being let down by something didn’t work at out between someone who you became close to, and now, the person has to go on your shitlist. I totally understand. You invest your time in someone that you liked, and now, you find out she isn’t the person that you thought that she was. Yet, at least you found out now instead of finding out later which could have been dangerously disastrous. Calesha is one of those people who is either going to grow up or evolve into something much worse than she is. If she doesn’t change, I predict that she will enter many relationships that will not work out. She has a maturity problem or is really psychotic. I hope that it is an immaturity problem instead of a psychosis problem. Anyway, I know this sounds cliché, but there are other fish in the sea. You will meet someone compatible and sane! There are women out there who doesn’t have the kind of baggage that Calesha has!!! Much love and respect,
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RYN: Yes, I did take SC’s course, 20th Century British Fiction. I am sure that you read novels such as: Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit, The Birthday Boys, The Dubliners, etc.
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I think I’ve accepted that he’s not leaving her. I’m just trying not to get too caught up in it and start expecting things. Also, I hardly even described the sex, how do you know it was hot?! : ) ~I’ll be
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oh does that mean you want a necklace!? 😉 tee hee.
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ryn: You could always ask. I’d answer.
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Why would you be offended if it has nothing to do with you? This election has become entirely too emotional for people; honestly, it has. Yes, I’m willing to compromise for the sake of my “friends” or even for people who are sensitive, but I think she overreacted a bit. Regardless, I’m sorry that I offended you if I did; although humor is something silly to be offended by.
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At the very least, she admitted to lying with her initial loose lips sink ships conversation, so even if Monique is real, the experiment is real, flying pigs are real and happy technicolour hippos swim around her bathtub at night when no-one is looking, then she still lied to you, she admitted to that, so you can call her a liar there (theoretically) without any debate from her.
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Nah i’m not offended by the comparison. Though, I suspect the feeling-like-you-know-someone-when-you-really-don’t thing is magnified by sex.
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k.
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I lost my sense of taste years ago. One look at my wardrobe confirms it.
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