Clarifications

Ok, so I am going to attempt to redeem myself to those of you who have pretty much decided I’m an asshole after the last entry. First thing: I am not using Calesha physically! I suppose I can see how it came across that way in the last entry, but, seriously, it bothers me that apparently it seems like I’m just taking advantage of her feelings so that I can cop a feel. Really, even though I complained about how she isn’t very active in our fooling around, she also is generally the one who initiates the fooling around and, if anything, my bigger complaint is that it’s all she ever wants to do. I don’t really care about the physical stuff, she seems to want it more than I do (probably because she is the one reaping all the benefits!)

Anyway, I did have yet another “talk” with her and told her outright that I wasn’t going to be interested in anything more than the causal dating that we’ve been doing and that I was worried that she wanted more and that I was never going to be able to give her more. She said she was fine with that, it was actually a bit more of an elaborate conversation than this, but that’s the gist of it. So. I don’t know, I can’t be any more clear with her about my intentions and about how I feel about her, I already feel like I’m beating a dead horse and just unnecessarily telling her that I don’t want more when she isn’t necessarily asking for more. I keep getting notes suggesting that I’m still misleading her just by continuing to see her at all, which, maybe you’re making a fair point – I assure you, nearly all of you are probably much more experienced in dating than I am, you probably do know better than me. As someone said recently, just because I think about relationships a lot, doesn’t mean I’m experienced in them. I make Calesha out to be this innocent virginal teenager in these entries, but the truth of it is she is probably a bit more experienced than me in relationships. So, basically, I don’t know what I’m doing. But I’ve been honest with her about my intentions and what she can expect from me and I don’t think the fact that she really likes me a lot is a reason to stop seeing her. I enjoy it, she enjoys it, I’ve made it as clear as possible that it isn’t going to become any more serious than it is, so why not just keep enjoying it?

By the way, I do enjoy seeing her. I think that gets lost in my writing, generally I tend to write about things that I want to sort out, not things that are going fine. But, for all my complaints, I do enjoy it. And I’m going to keep enjoying it for now.

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Thank you for clarifying and giving us background. Much appreciated it. Like I said before, I don’t know Calesha very well; I do go by what you’ve written. I understand you sorting out your feelings because usually that’s what writing’s purpose is…to express what you feel and how you feel it. Yet, when you have an audience, we do get lost in translation because we don’t know all of story (c)

, and I understand why you wouldn’t want to go elaborate and give us all the story, either. Diary is usually reserve for the person who is writing…and usually, there isn’t an audience involved. So, I apologize if I made assumptions by not having all the information. I am glad that Calesha understands how you feel. ~WPP

RYN: No problem at all. If it was aimed towards me, I totally understand why. Most people jumped to conclusions without knowing all the facts. I’ve learned that we all should try to not to make assumptions based on what we are forgiven. Anyway, I should know better because I am a writer, I’ve studied English/Literature for about five/six years…so assumptive evaluations, especially with (c)

journal writing are unfair or can be bias. I am not being too hard on myself; I am just stating the mere facts or what I know to be true! Hee. Hee. As for Calesha, I totally understand her liking you. I pray that she is learning by your example. I’ve learned so much from my boyfriend because he has told me some of the sh*t that has went down when he’s been involved with…”middle in the road” (c)

women–which translates too women who like you, but they don’t understand the terms of how you exactly feel about them even though you’ve told them how you feel about them. I, myself, when liked someone who I thought could possibly like me…has felt into the trap of thinking that this guy liked me, but he already laid out the terms of the deal. Some guys want a casual involvement with no (c)

strings attached. Since I am 26 going on 27, I totally understand that with a few of the guys I liked. Yet, some guys will play with your head. By no means, I am NOT suggesting that you are like that and Calesha, now I understand, is not a complete fool, but from my own experiences, you got to keep you guard up for it because once you let your guard down, someone is bound to get hurt…either (c)

you, the person involved, or both. Usually, it’s one person who gets hurt because they didn’t understand the terms of the other person, or they just was in denial. Anyway, time will tell whether or not Calesha is really processing what you are saying. You are right; you should enjoy the moment, but (yeah, I am a cautious person! Ha, can you tell?) if there any warning signs in the near future (c)

make sure you take HEED. If you ever get any negative vibes about Calesha, you DO NOT ignore it, and this goes for anyone else and for everyone else who reads my notes on your diary. I tell you…there are some folks who you think are really cool, and it turns out they are nutjobs!!! Yet, Calesha seems like she isn’t pyscho or neurotic…so, it is all good…but I am just saying! ~WPP

I think you should continue to enjoy it as long as the both of you are on the same page.

Yours For Now...

August 26, 2008

Sounds like a plan. : ) I DIDN’T tell you she wanted a boyfried! ~I’ll be

FlyingBibliophile

Well its good she understands.

Sleeping on it

Thank you for the clarification. I understand that dating someone who seems to like you more than you like them is tough…I feel I’m in a similar situation. I understand your reasons and do not blame you for seeing her multiple times.

shamb*ala

Holy Wumpy, pancakes. Heh. Talking is the best thing in this sitch. YOu don’t want to get her all built up then say, “Oh yeah, we’re just dating. I don’t want any more than that …” … that said … it sounds boring. You could do better … but if it’s occupying your time, then go for it. Ya know?

whoa. wumpy pancakes just wrote an entry on your diary.

@Shambala & AloneVoice–Yeah, sometimes, I get carried away. Sorry for the long notes, Matt!!!

I suppose whatever makes you happy, dear.

michael.

August 27, 2008

ryn hey I didn’t mean you were forcing her. You’re not an asshole, you’ve just got an asshole’s taste in girls.

WistfulLove

August 29, 2008

do what you want.. she’s frustrating me and i’m not even around lol. i’d cut my losses.

Narciso

August 30, 2008

hello from germany . . . she will get hurt but she did it to herself, ja?

RYN: Where’s MINE?!

September 2, 2008

yeah mate, to be honest, I’m cracking I was much better at the long hours thing when I was a kid… it’s not even the work as much as 14 hours on my feet every day, if I could sit down at either of them I’d get through much easier. have started falling asleep literally anywhere if I sit down…

not that far, a couple of miles, but i know, what are the chances!