Race
Last night, when I was holding Calesha in my arms and we were just looking at each other in this stupid kiddishly romantic way, it started to drizzle rain a little bit and Calesha said “I’m getting wet!” and I winked at her and said “I bet you are.” I am so good.
I don’t think Calesha would feel this way about just anyone. Girls on dating sites get hounded by guys constantly (I’m sure some of you readers can attest to this) – she’s definitely had plenty of opportunities to meet up with other guys and have them fulfill her youthful romantic fantasies from online, no doubt. I don’t know – what I’m trying to get at is I don’t feel like she is obsessing about me in a creepy stalkerish way that makes me worry about her stability. She’s obsessing over me in more of a . . . very young, inexperienced way. That makes me worry about breaking her heart. But, eh, she’s got to learn about the hardships of love from someone right? I’m as good for the job as anyone. And probably a lot better for the job than most guys she could get involved with.
But I wasn’t meaning to write this entry about Calesha, exactly. I mentioned in the first entry that she’s black, but I didn’t explain that, well, a black girl and a white guy being together is not exactly the most accepted thing in this community. Including in my family. I hadn’t mentioned to my mother that I would be meeting up with a black girl because I knew that she wouldn’t approve of it, but last night she started asking me about what I did for the evening when I got home and asked me the girl’s name and I wasn’t going to lie about it, so I just told her.
And she started crying. I was really fucking shocked – I knew she wouldn’t approve of this totally, but I wasn’t aware it would upset her that much. Granted, I think part of the reason she was upset was that I obviously had avoided telling her the girl’s name for a while because I didn’t want to give away that she was black and it hurt that I was afraid to be honest with her. I asked her if she was mad at me and she told me “not mad, just disappointed.” Disappointed at me for dating a black girl. I know, it’s really hard to believe that people . . . still hold on to values like this. The “not mad, just disappointed” feeling is certainly mutual.
Adding to the reasons that my mother was upset is that, while I was out with Calesha at the mall last night, I naturally happened to run into members of my extended family and said hello to them, meaning that they saw me with a black girl. That’s right, gossip about Matt and the anonymous black chick is very possibly sweeping all through rural Georgia.
If I awake to a cross burning on my yard, I won’t be surprised.
I think I understand…my parents used to be that way…luckily after their divorce somehow they both realized that its a possibility…especially when I was with a panamanian for over ayear…I think my grandparents would have a cow though…and I live in Orlando…not exactly the deep south. It does stink.
Warning Comment
sigh. i totally understand.
Warning Comment
Jesus Christ. ~I’ll be
Warning Comment
I think it’s absolutely ridiculous that people still think that way. Granted, I’ve never dated someone from a different race. That’s not to say that if I met someone from a different race and there was a mutual attraction that I wouldn’t date them, because I would. Though I guess that’s not a possibility now since I’m married, haha. You get what I mean, though.
Warning Comment
Just…wow. Not to defend your mom, but I’m sure another thing that concerns her is how you’ll be received by this rural Southern community of yours. I wouldn’t want my son to be ridiculed for dating a girl outside his race. But I also wouldn’t be disappointed in him because of the color of his date’s skin. I’d be proud that you wouldn’t shy away from taking her out in public, etc. Oy vey!
Warning Comment
being brown, i’d be interested in knowing how calesha’s family feels about her dating a white guy. my parents would be pissed off if i were dating someone black, but that’s more because . . . well . . . asians are racist too. i guess it has to do with the socioeconomic status of minorities. that said, your parents seemed fine with heather, and she’s half-japanese. is it just black people?
Warning Comment
I live in a not so rural suburb of Indianapolis, and interracial dating is still very frowned upon, so it’s not just rural Georgia. It is amazing to me that people still hold these feelings. I’m sorry that your mom isn’t happy about it. I hope she can get past it and see Calesha as a person, not a skin color. How did you grow up in a small town and not have this small town mindset?
Warning Comment
yeah, inquiring minds want to know. i’m glad you didn’t turn out that way, though. i can’t help but to roll my eyes when i still read of reactions such as these. both of my exes weren’t black…and luckily, i never had problems from their families or mine. *sigh* i wish people would just get over themselves.
Warning Comment
Wow. You’re so “normal” (that is, nonracist) that I guess I kind of assumed that the whole Southerners Are Way Racist thing was now a myth. That’s kind of crazy. In my head. Truthfully, my mom and brother and stepdad would all flip out if I dated a black guy. Which is stupid, considering I have a black cousin… People are stupid. Race is just a color.
Warning Comment
You should buy your mother To Kill a Mocking Bird.
Warning Comment
ryn: Kira, yeah. That completely fucking floored me. Didn’t really give her much of an answer either. Better that than lying/gushing I hope. This year, the breakup’s, been fucking tough. I suspect you’re right about CJ. I’m sort of gutted and I don’t even know why (“regular sex!”, yell all my readers). Bah, girls love knocking me down a peg.
Warning Comment
Wow. The racism I know is scummy poor asian kids getting the shit kicked out of them by scummy poor white kids and vice versa, not Matt’s supposedly nice mum crying about the existence of black girls. Fucking disgusting. You didn’t even tell her so?
Warning Comment
RYN: I think I started in 6th grade…and I’m kind of a prude about that sort of thing so thats why I didnt put it in my entry…but since you asked lol.
Warning Comment
My parents would do the same thing if I went out with an asian girl (particularly if she was Japanese). They were born in ’43 and ’44, and they still hold onto some old prejiduces (although, oddly enough, they are just about to buy a Japanese car). I hope our generation can move beyond the old, shallow mis-conceptions …
Warning Comment
Wow. This makes me so sad.
Warning Comment
living in the rural south has to suck,dude. i know, around here, i see interracial couples all the time. that doesn’t mean they had the blessings of their parents, though. things are changing, slowly, slowly…
Warning Comment
My parents hold similar views. My parents say I can be friends outside my race but would not accept me dating outside my race.
Warning Comment
I grew up in the deep south, too. I know how this goes, and my family’s about the same. I find it disturbing, really.
Warning Comment
i’ve been in two interracial relationships, in one now… and luckily the majority of my family is open enough to know if i’m bringing someone around to meet them they’re important to me. that’s not to say i haven’t met opposition. my first relationship, family loved me.. this one not so much. it isn’t even that i’m white, just that i’m not from the islands. there is racism interracially which isironic and proves that you just can’t win. it’s ultimately up to you.
Warning Comment
I sure am late to this. But judging by this entry and the other notes, I must say that I’m pretty lucky to live where I live. Interracial relationships are the norm, here. We have a very large military community so the demographic is constantly shifting and growing more diverse. People still have prejudices, particularly adults, but as a girl who’s dated two black guys I’ve never had any problems.
Warning Comment
Anyway, I think you handled the situation very well, better than most would have. Me, I would have argued quietly but very angrily and then wouldn’t have talked to my mother for a long time. Kudos to you, for being a nonconformist in this regard.
Warning Comment