My Violent Past

Being that I posses an exceedingly gentlemanly nature, people often recoil in shock when they hear that my past is really quite violent. Now, granted, I haven’t exactly ever been involved in a drive-by shooting, but, still, there have been several acts of violence delivered and received by myself. More received than delivered, unfortunately.

Yes, I can tell you’re already taken aback, but I assure you that I speak the truth. It all started in 4th grade when a dear friend of mine, Austin, struck me with a half-eaten apple. Several kicks to the gut later and a disciplinarian was called to separate us. One would think that at this point I would have learned my lesson . . .

But, I hardly did. I got into a fight with the same bloke within the year, when he took a kickball from me. It happened again with a different friend a few years later, this time when I was attacked by my teammate in basketball, due to a squabble over something I can’t be bothered to remember. We renewed our battles in another two years, complete with him tackling me as we tumbled over multiple desks, with order being restored just before my life was taken.

Understand, I’m merely providing the highlights of my horridly violent life as a young boy. There are several other fights, not to mention about twenty “near fights” for every one that actually occurred. I even once nearly fought my current roommate, Spider, over a game of cards he was cheating in. And, yes, he was cheating no matter what silly things he may say.

Of course, we all know I’ve evolved to a point now where I wouldn’t dare reduce myself to throwing fists to solve a problem. My powers of persuasion are generally much more effective anyway, not to mention the cause of a lot fewer bruises. Still, you may be wondering, A.J., just how far have you come? Just what sort of ruthless thug were you in childhood? And to that, I answer with this picture:

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We can only thank God that I changed when I did.