This isn’t about the election

Yes, folks, that’s right, we’re mere hours away from the beginning of Super Tuesday, likely the most important day taking place in our country over the next 4 years, with ramifications of such a gigantic nature that billions around the globe could be affected by the outcome. And I’m not going to write an entry about it. Nope, sorry, that’s all you’re going to hear.

Of course, by choosing to completely ignore the election (Ok, yes, technically, I didn’t completely ignore it since I’m mentioning it now, but, really, you’ve got better things to do than nitpick don’t you?), I’m forcing myself to find another topic to write about. Which, as always, is a daunting task in itself. However, once again, I’m up to the challenge. In lieu of speaking on the election, I’ve decided to talk about a much more interesting subject: Halloween.

Perhaps, the best thing about Halloween is that it doesn’t really celebrate anything. I mean with Christmas and Thanksgiving you always have to worry about some zealot telling you “You’re missing the true spirit of the holiday” and spoiling your reindeer sculptures. With Independence Day, you’re always faced with the guilt of realizing what a lousy country we live in and the possibility of immigrating to Canada. With Valentine’s Day, you have to be reminded either that you don’t have a sweetheart or that your sweetheart is an absolute twat. Even with Columbus Day you’re forced to realize Columbus was really just a jerk, and doesn’t deserve celebrating at all. However, with Halloween, thankfully, all such nuisances are lost. I think I can safely proclaim it as truly the most American of holidays

Of course, those of you who argue that Halloween has less to offer because it is only ceremonial, fail to realize that this is precisely why it is such a good holiday. Besides, when thinking of Christmas, honestly, what image pops in your head? Jesus? I seriously doubt it. More than likely it’s Santa Claus or Rudolph or some other commercial nonsense, but it is almost definitely not Jesus. This is not to say that Jesus shouldn’t be an important part of the holiday, only that he most definitely is not. Essentially, it’s to the point where the whole birth of Jesus thing is just an excessive Christmas story. Let’s face it, Christ is just ahead of Tim Allen in terms of marketing potential and that’s only if Allen’s next movie is a flop. So, basically, it’s time for us to face the fact that all holidays are commercial nonsense, including the most sacred of them. Halloween is already viewed as commercial nonsense and is, thus, already a step ahead. I think this is why, truly, we can call it our national holiday.