I Do Stupid Like a Champ

Have you ever heard how you should never use a chair instead of using a step-stool or ladder? Well, you really shouldn’t. I mean really. Shouldn’t.
 
For at least two years I’ve been planning to repaint my shed. It was looking dingy and since I’d only ever painted it with a primer coat, it wasn’t what could be mistaken for nice looking. Earlier this summer, the Homeowner’s Association came around inspecting everyone’s houses and they agreed with my earlier assessment of my shed. In writing. The kind of writing that is started with a reminder of the HOA requirements that requires that each house meet certain standards, which include a painted shed. It was sort of nice knowing that my standards were a couple of years ahead of the HOA’s.
 
I followed all of the other HOA requirements for submitting an architectural change request. I cheated a bit on the paint color, the HOA says the shed has to match one of the trim colors of the house. I didn’t like that choice. First, the back of my house, where the shed is located, is all brick. My trim color is on the front of the house and not visible from the shed. Second, my trim color is dark green from the shutters on the front of the house. No way I’m painting a shed that receives full sunlight a dark color. I don’t like the idea of having my lawn mower melt from the high temperatures that a dark colored shed would produce. So I compromised and submitted the main color of the house, the cream/tan color of the siding on the front of the house.
 
The HOA took nearly the full 30 days to approve my change request and I got an approval dated Aug. 15. I swear it either rained every weekend between Aug. 15th and last weekend, or it had just finished raining or was about to rain. I finally got to paint last weekend.
 
Let me describe my shed. It is a 4’ x 8’ box that is at least 6’ tall. I say ‘at least’ because the roof on the front side of the shed is about 7’ tall to make the roof slope from front to back. I can easily reach the 6’ part of the walls to paint, but the 7’ side was just a wee bit out of reach.
 
I had already painted everything I could reach, so I just needed to quickly reach the last 3-4 inches on the front side. I pulled the patio chair over and, reminding myself that I shouldn’t be using a patio chair as a step-stool or ladder, I quickly painted down the 8’ length of the shed. As I went, I reminded myself that using a chair as a ladder was not a good idea and I better not drop the paint can if I happened to slip. I actually considered what I should do if I slipped. This came in handy later.
 
Then it was later. I actually finished the last portion of the front side of the shed. I was actually stepping down from the patio chair that I had been using as a step-stool or ladder. I actually slipped and my foot went between the seat of the chair and the arm of the chair. I actually kept the paint can from spilling. I actually said, out loud, “holy shit that hurts.”
 
It is now a week and a half later and I’m pretty sure that I will have to go to the doctor’s office, just to be sure. Right when I pulled my leg out of the chair I knew I had to go to the doctor. When I was sitting with the frozen mixed vegetables on my leg I thought I might have to go to the doctor, but I soon decided that I might not have to. Most of the scab from the scraped portion of my injury has fallen off (by fallen off I mean I picked it off) and the pain that I attributed to the scrape is still there, and it’s not the scrape.
 
So I think I’ll make an appointment and admit to the doctor that I did a stupid thing with a patio chair and paint. And I’m nearly sure that the doctor will tell me that it’s bruised to the bone and deeper, and it will hurt until it stops, and that I should never use a patio chair instead of a step-stool or ladder.
 
The moral of the story is that you should never use a patio chair in place of a step-stool or ladder. Unless you remind yourself to not drop the paint can if you slip. At least, that’s what I got out of the story.
 
Ender is out.