Blind… Monk…

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, cowboy, I think it is only fair, given you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175 pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady on your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?"

The old man thought it over, and replied, "No… not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times."

A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery.  He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down.  Do you think I could stay the night?"

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard.

The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can’t tell you because you’re not a monk."

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way.

Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.

The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car…

That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier.

The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply, "We can’t tell you because you’re not a monk."

The man says, "All right, all right.  I’m dying to know.  If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?"

The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk."

The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery.

He says, "I have traveled the earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for," and he told them the numbers for how many blades of grass there are, and the exact number of sand pebbles on Earth.

The monks reply, "Congratulations, you are correct, and you are now considered a monk.  We shall now show you the way to the sound."

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is behind that door."

The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked.  He asks "May I have the key?"

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.

Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone… The man requests the key to the stone door.  The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby.  He demands another key from the monks, who provide it.  Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire.  And so it went on until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.

Finally, the monks say, "This is the key to the last door."

The man is relieved to be at the end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound… It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight…

…but I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk…

DON’T SWEAR AT ME!!!
I’M STILL HUNTING FOR THE IDIOT WHO STARTED THIS!!!