Still more funnies…
Hey All,
Thought I’d post some funnies, since my weight loss is not so funny… at least it’s "stable" (knock on wood – and then some cuz I want to lose weight!).
Business Class
I’d been working on my business degree for about a year when I finally got to take a popular finance course. I went to the bookstore to buy the text and was shocked to find out that it would cost me $96. I asked how much it was worth if I sold it back at the end of the semester.
"You’ll get $24," said the clerk.
"This is insane," I protested as I wrote out the check.
"I know," replied the clerk sympathetically. "I’ve always thought that a person who buys a book for $96 and then sells it back for $24 should fail the course."
New Definitions…
Read closely, and perhaps slowly, to understand…
1. ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s.
2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tried to do.
3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage.
4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with.
5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate.
6. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
7. ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living.
8. EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist.
9. HEROES: What a guy in a boat does.
10. LEFT-BANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of money.
11. MISTY: How golfers create divots.
12. PARADOX: Two physicians.
13. PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
14. PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm.
15. POLARIZE: What penguins see with.
16. PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.
17. RELIEF: What trees do in the Spring.
18. RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife.
19. SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does.
20. SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government official.
A Woman’s Poem
He didn’t like the casserole
And he didn’t like my cake.
My biscuits were too hard…
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn’t perk the coffee right
He didn’t like the stew,
I didn’t mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and smacked him…
Like his Mother used to do.
In a Hurry for Golf
For all the golfers out there and their patient, loving wives…
Paul and his wife walked into a dentist’s office. Paul said to the dentist, "Doc, I’m in one hell of a big hurry! I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf. So forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it– I don’t have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!
The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness–Paul is a very brave man, asking me to pull his tooth without using anything to kill the pain."
So the dentist asked him, "Which tooth is it, sir?"
Paul turned to Barbara and said, "Open your mouth, Honey, and show the doctor which tooth hurts."
That’s all of ’em for now…
(¯`v´¯) ~K.
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(¸.´ .¸.´ .¸¸.¨¯`.
