word spilliage…
Sometimes I think regular fights would be easier to deal with. *sigh*
Would it hurt/bother less if we did?
Sometimes, this distance is so stressful…
Wasil will be here sometime tomorrow night…
He’s feeling like I don’t want him here…I’m feeling like he’s wanting more from me than I can give.
I’ve told him I want him here…
I love him & I miss him…
*sighs* Sometimes…I feel like I’m just…I don’t even know.
Why can’t I just do…I want to, but the words he wants, they don’t come out. They freeze inside me…& he ends up disappointed.
I feel like I’m waiting for the day he just says ‘to hell with it’…& decides he wants someone else. [Maybe that’s my problem…I can’t stop waiting for that…So in my inability to move past that, I’m going to end up making that what happens.]
On another note…I got my hair cut today….It’s short…I bleached it out…It’s blond (expect the parts where the purple didn’t come all the way out, and are currently a color we shall not discuss)…Tomorrow I go to get dye for it….& dye it again.
Break is slipping by…I haven’t gotten past chapter 4 in Dracula. I haven’t done any work on the bridesmaids dress.
I have got some entries written…Barty’s latest I’m quite proud of…It was fun, & a long time coming…We’d joked about it since we found out Tommy relocates to the Malfoy’s.
I’m not sure how much I’ll be on after tomorrow…For…I’m not even sure how long. He’s got a week off…But I don’t expect him to stay here that whole week.
I think…The thought of him here is making me a bit anxious…Not because I don’t want him here, because I do…But I’m just afraid I’m going to upset him, and I don’t want that. *sigh*
what you are feeling is completely NORMAL for an ldr. *hugs you* really really it is. i battle those same feelings a lot of times, the what ifs. lately mine are more, why does he want me and what if we can’t ever be in the same place and what if i do have to have surgery … the one thing i have learned is don’t doubt yourself into loneliness. take every second that is together and hold them tightly. we can’t fight like none ldr people can. there isn’t any way to have the intimate times of looking in their face and reading body language to help with understanding. do NOT beat yourself up over that. *hugs you more* it is one of the most ugly parts of an ldr. *sighs* much love and thoughts for you all.
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Have a good time with Wasil!! I’m sure it will go wonderfully.
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He is doing a little better today – so that’s a good thing.
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LDRs are hard. I know because Pookie and I had one for a year before we were able to move in together. I’m not sure why the words “I Love You” are so hard for you to say – has he already said them? I know for me after everything in my past I decided to never say it first again (my ex didn’t say it for 6 whole months, and when he finally did say it the first time, he was drunk). After my Pookie said “I Love You” to me first, I found I was relieved to say it back to him. I had been wanting (but not wanting) to say it to him for a while before he finally said it. I agree with RainbowGlitterWitch – don’t doubt yourself into loneliness. The distance sometimes hurts more and is harder than fighting, but it’s also more peaceful and you learn to cherish your time together when you ARE together. Look deep into your heart – if you do love him – TELL HIM – especially if he has already told you. He’s already crossing distance to spend time with you, if that action isn’t proof enough that he will do anything for you and not to hurt you but to be there for you, then I don’t know what is. I hope it all works out for you! Enjoy your time with Wasil! xoxo HUGZ xoxo
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I hope you two are having/had a wonderful visit together. Long distance can be really tough. I can’t really say more than echo what others have said. Believe that you are worth it, because you are!
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