Uh…Frak…I have no bloody title…Deal with it.

Uncle Remus once told me I could be a princess…Even still…

The internet has connected me to some wonderful people…& some of them are still there…& some of them have disappeared…&…&…*sigh*

I’m a bit restless…I want to do something, but not a clue as to what, and not the drive to find out or just do. I hate that…I know I can do better than that, I should do better than that…Yet, I still don’t.

I still miss roleplay…I miss the writing, the connections, the adventure…Everything.
But…I also know that Raven’s story has been told, at least to the point it can be, and have her be at school…Which face it, it’s where she wants to be…It’s home.

I went looking for something I know I wrote…I could of sword I had it typed up…But apparently not on this computer, and it’s not in any of the files that were saved to the jump drive that I can tell…So where is it? *shrugs* Hand written, in the closet in the bathroom, I know that for sure. So it still exists, but I wouldn’t even now where to start looking in the box. It’s a good sized box, filled with Raven’s life…The original fan fic, the time tables, the entries, a couple of her shirts…Including the one that reads “I want the Potion’s Master” *smiles*

I’ve been thinking a lot about certain entries, and how I adored them when I wrote them, and still do…A few just stand out in my mind…Like “Poetry in Potions” [Which I think might actually be the title of the entry. *laughs*]
There were so many wonderful moments…Some utterly heartbreaking, I know I made a few people cry. Some heartfelt and touching, and probably the cause of more tears. Some fun and lively, and some that were just hilarious…That I’m sure caused a lot of fits of laughter.

I want to write…I think I might NEED to write…It’s my life, it’s my blood, it’s my heart…And I haven’t been doing it. Not like I should, not like I need to. But…I have nothing to write that keeps me going. I need a story, something that drives me…I have thoughts and ideas, but nothing that gets much further, nothing that catapults me into the…*sigh*…I don’t even have the word for it.

I’ve been thinking about this for weeks now…But school has kept me busy…Kept me writing entries about it, and about homework, and this and that, and all that is insignificant when you get right down to it. [Not that school is really insignificant, it’s important in it’s own right, but…it’s just not what keeps me going…It’s become troublesome and tiresome, and I so need the break that is coming…I only hope it’s long enough for me to recharge…I need to recharge, badly.]

Aside from writing…I find myself wanting things that are just unrealistic and impossible. What really makes no sense is the one thing I keep finding myself wanting, I know I really don’t want…It’s strange, and confusing, and…Yeah…All that stuff.

Still want to be a princess tho…*small smile*
& for months…I’ve been missing ‘Uncle Remus’…Gods Nell…Where the bloody hell are you? I know you came back, to some extent, and stayed hidden…Once or twice. I know it was you that left that one unsigned note…It had to be you, no one else could of wrote a note like that.

There are others too, that I think about…That don’t deserve my thoughts, but they still get them on occasion. *shrugs* I don’t know why. Guess that is just want happens when they have been a part of your life for so long, were an important part…*wonders if all the rain has uprooted the evil baby doll head at all*

I’m writing this at night, tho I don’t plan on posting it till sometime tomorrow…& I have to be careful not to cry…Already started once…Had to get up and make sure I wasn’t caught. I can’t get caught crying if I can’t offer up a good explanation…I don’t think I can just claim hormones and have it dismissed…Tho I am grateful too…That he would notice & would ask & would care…Even if he might not understand…if he caught me crying.

I had to explain my state of irritation the other night after we watched the first half of Deathly Hallows together…I don’t think he quite got it…But he tried at least. He should be grateful tho…He didn’t get my Tommy is an idiot lecture…Harley did, as I was putting him to bed, and I guess I was loud enough that Sonja heard it in the living room…So she got it too…& I think Mum got it the next day. Seriously tho…For suppose to be such a great wizard…Tommy is a bloody idiot!

Yeah…Miss roleplay.

I’m feeling a bit better…I needed to write…It’s helped…Even if it’s not quite what I wanted to write, not quite what I had in mind over the last couple of weeks…It’s words, and it’s writing, and it makes me at least a little bit happy.

Read two more of the short stories in ‘Wild Nights’…So I’m through 3/5th of the stories…I’ve read Poe’s, Dickenson’s & Twain’s…I’ve got Henry James’s & Hemingway’s *rolls eyes* left to go. [Not looking forward to Heminway’s not because I don’t expect it to be of some entertainment value, but because I hate his writing, and Oates does a wonderful job of ‘mocking’ the writers style that she’s writing about…Tis the point of the book…Which is also why reading Twain’s was a bit difficult to read too…Though warped and twisted.]

I need to pick up a copy of The Grapes of Wrath…Before I talk myself out of reading it. Our American Lit. teacher gave us a ‘summer reading list’ last class. *laughs* If I am remembering correctly, Grapes of Wrath was on it, as well as…Um…*shrugs* Something else I had planned on reading…A couple things I have already read, tho ages ago…& at least another idea…Tho I might have gotten to that one anyway, as it’s by Oates as well, and she’s so loverly in that warped & twisted way.

Mum’s shop might strike…

&…By the time this is actually posted…It’ll be my darling sister’s birthday…

HAPPY BIRTHDAY <span style="color: rg

b(255, 0, 255);”>RAYA!!!!

I was going to attempt to draw my Sissy a picture…But my Bamboo HATES me. *glares @ it* Bloody thing. *sigh*

*hangs head* Bloody hell…I need the help of a Gryffindor…How horrid is that?! *laughs*