Long entryness…

Went two days without ‘proper’ communication with Wasil…Texting is not proper communication when one is spoiled by using webcam to be able to see boy. Yesh, I know, I is a spoiled little child. 😛 *giggles* But got to see & talk to him last night…& it was of the much wonderfuls. *smiles* *sighs*…Even if there was a bit of shedding of the tears after cam & call were closed.

I love him…I know I do…And it drives me utterly crazy. The distance, the not knowing, the inability to actually just come out and say it to him. He knows I’ve ‘fallen’ for him…Not sure what he equates that to…I’m just scared to say the words, to type the words…No matter how badly I want to.

He went to bed early Tuesday night…He’s been working a lot the last couple weeks, I think they is wearing him out…Which is why I didn’t get to talk to him properly. But we said our good-nights via text…So that’s something…

Part of text convo that made me feel betters…
Raven: ……Wish I was there. *kisses*
Waz: me 2 bg… me 2. And 3 and 4 and so on… 5… 6.… 7…

Admittedly I’m paranoid…I’m afraid of being replaced, despite if looking at the facts, I know I shouldn’t be. Boys who have held on to thoughts for nearly two decades aren’t likely to just give up or pass on making thoughts into reality when they are faced with the actuality of it…Right?

I need to get past the “This is how it usually goes, so this is how it’s going to go” mentality that rattles around in this brain of mine.

Reese gave me a shirt yesterday that use to be Butterflies&Sunshines…Which I think boy appreciated…It’s got an 86 on it, but above it is written “Baby Girl”. *giggles*
He asked me if it had his name on the back, and I said no, then he said I shouldn’t wear it, and I asked why, and he said: “yr only my BG no one elses” I told him I would make sure to let anyone who needed to know know. [& these are the things that should also tell me that I shouldn’t be worried about the things I worry about.]

Also got past the whole disclosure of bad things that happened in the past, well to some degree…Wasil is, from what I’ve gathered, heavy into roleplay (he says he likes to keep things interesting, that the same thing over and over is boring -which yeah, been there, done that- He says that is one reason sex doesn’t last in relationships, no change…Which I can fully understand and agree with, so it’s all good)…He ran through a rather…Scary…scenario…He is an observant creature, and noticed something was up, to which my reply was ‘bad memories’…He didn’t press the issue, but understood what I meant…He said it was something I hadn’t told him…I said ‘Yeah…I know.” Then he asked “did you shoot him”…I said I should of. Didn’t bother to elaborate it would be more of a ‘them’ than a ‘him’…But it was the worse one I had in mind…As the rest I just kind of went with, as I felt like there was nothing else I could do…At that point, I pretty much thought that was all I was good for. [It’s just loverly how something like that can mess with your brain.]
Wasil told me he wouldn’t ask me to do anything that would hurt me…He said he would never intentionally hurt me.

He tried to teach me Cribbage again last night…I actually didn’t do too bad…Better than the last time we tried playing. He says he’s going to make me play Euchre when he comes up here. *pokes at cards* Evilness! *laughs*

Okay…A break from that topic. *laughs*

Critters are home today…Harley woke up an hour before the alarm was to go off complaining his stomach hurt…Poor boy, he’s been running to the bathroom a lot this morning. When I went to wake up Sonja, she too complained of stomach hurting…She’s been hold up in her room all morning.
She’s on antibiotics again…Idiot took her to a doctor in Mancelona Friday…They were figuring she had pneumonia again. The doctor ordered X-rays, which Idiot’s pet too her back to the doctor Monday…He said there was nothing on the X-rays but he wanted to have a catscan and a bunch of other stuff run. Granted I can understand wanting to figure out why she’s been getting sick, but that seemed a bit drastic to me…So I called and got her an appt. with Dr. Tinney, since he IS the doctor she’s suppose to be going to, he knows her history and all of that. He also thought a catscan is a bit of an extreme thing for a young girl, especially when it is a massive amount of radiation aimed at her chest. He wants to see her in a couple weeks, and see how things have cleared up and go from there.
I left a message on Idiot’s phone, haven’t heard back from him…Apparently the scan was scheduled for today @ 3:00. *shrugs* I told him my thoughts on it, Dr.Tinney’s thoughts on it (I also included that with my family’s history with cancer that unneeded radiation at a growing girl might not be the best idea in all the world)…Also told him in the message I left that they both woke up not feeling good…& I had to go because Harley needed me at that point because he was having bathroom issues. *shrugs* I haven’t heard from him as of yet…So who knows.

I am of course…Not at school today. O.o Blah…So…I don’t know…I need to look at the algebra in the next two sections and see if I can get it figured out…&…I think I’m missing a quiz in Oceanography…O.o Blah…
I need to get caught up on things…But I’m feeling kind of floundering again…Maybe I should hit the clay again…It helped me relax a bit before…Just not sure what to make. [Reese even gave me some more clay…As she had taken some home from class last semester too.]

It’s March 10th…And it looks like Spring already!
The temp, according to the computer Harley is on is 55…Yesterday at one point Appa’s thermometer read 60. The upgrade of the septic mound in the front yard is DIRT! Though there is still a big snow bank on top, and snow on the majority of the yard…More and more dirt is starting to show through & the eaves are dripping…I do so hope this lasts.

Okay…I need to go do something on the productive side…Even if it’s staring blankly at my algebra book trying to figure out what the heck I’m suppose to be learning…Crap…I still need to observe squishes and write a paper by the 20th. *falls over* Gods…I hope I just pass these classes this semester, I so need summer break.

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