Which do I want to start with…

I suppose the one that is of the obnoxiousness & irritation. *shakes head* Seriously…I should know not to talk to him, he hasn’t changed a bit since high school…He’s never going to bloody well change. Blah.

Dude…You have a wife! Do you really think you should be telling someone else that you love them? That you can close your eyes and remember every inch of their naked body? That you’ve had to think of them when you are with your wife so you can…er…finish the job?

Yeah…Seriously…I had second and third thoughts when it came to adding Mike to my Facebook friend list…But hey, I wanted neighbors on my farm, and what not. & I thought, maybe, in some delusioned corner of my mind, that perhaps he would of changed.

We talked a couple weeks ago, and it wasn’t too bad. It was right after I had posted something, and going through it he discerned that I am…Whatever it is I am, with Wasil. Today though…*shakes head* It started fine…No, I can’t even say that. It started with him asking if I would help him with his chicken coop…Okay, fine…I asked about him having too many chickens, and him saying yes. I recommended having a BBQ (One of Mum’s friends actually announced having one to get rid of her extra chickens & cows this morning) because chickens taste good…Which was followed by a ‘veiled’ remark on his part…Which I ignored…I made a comment that was meant in all innocence, but as soon as I hit the enter key I realized it could of sounded not quite right, which of course, he picked up on the not quite right. *rolls eyes* Told him yeah, thought of that too late, then he recommented on his previous comment that I had ignored…Then it was him being him.

Him telling me that he regrets that he listened to everyone else in high school, did what they said he should do, instead of what he wanted to do. Apparently he loved me so much back then, but wanted to be popular, and the want of popularity won out. I told him that I thought I was just a warm body to him. To which he kept staying no, I was never just a warm body to him, that he really did love me, blah, blah, blah…*drives a spike through his head*

It wasn’t just I wish, or I should have, or any of that…It was the telling me there has been times he’s had to think of me when he’s with his wife so he can…finish…My word, not his, his was less pleasant. Also him telling me that he’d give anything for one more time with me. WTF? Can he not just keep his hormones & mouth in check? Seriously? He told me that he was with me the last time because he wanted to end his marriage and be with me. *shakes head* Gods…*drives spike deeper into his skull*

I should of told him that that was all fine and dandy, but there is only one guy from high school I’m interested in sleeping with, and it isn’t bloody well him!

Which yeah…Gets me onto the next subject…& one I can’t go an entry without writing about, at least I’m fairly certain it must seem like that.

After several failed attempts @ writing him…I managed to get two part letters (as I don’t think either one of them were really whole letters) written and sent them to Wasil this morning…Though I’m not sure if he read them, he didn’t mention it when we talked tonight.

It’s just one of those cases of there being things I know I should say…Things I want to say…& I can’t ever seem to manage. I get nervous…Worried…Scared…Etc. Part of what I did say was that I was afraid of rejection…Of losing him…Which led to a brief mention of not knowing what I’m suppose to not be thinking of, and if that was part of it. But then went on to tell him some of the things I know I needed to tell him…Mostly innocent enough…Then the not so ‘innocent’.

Either way, we had a very good evening together…He’s still not feeling well, but I think he was feeling a bit better today…I hope so…He needs to get better before going to school for the printer repair.

June seems forever away…I’m anxious & nervous.
The other night Wasil was trying to get me to play Truth or Dare…Which I suck at…I can never think of dares…Anyway…Did get to ask a truth, though I chickened out of the one I really wanted to ask (which would have been how he feels about me)…Instead I asked him what he was looking forward to most about visiting…He said getting to be close to me. *smiles*
Seriously, I was figuring it was something else…& granted the being of the closeness will lead elsewhere, I’m sure…To know that isn’t the foremost thing on his list of what he’s looking forward to…It really means a lot…Not so much feeling like I’m just a warm body.

I should be sleeping…My head is hurting and my malfunctioning tailbone is hurting as well (been sitting on the not so soft futon for to long). Which reminds me…I’ve got a bruise on my ankle that is about the size of the bottom of a standard coffee cup, and I haven’t a friggen clue as to where it came from and how I got it…What I do know is currently Peter & his cauldron are the wrong bloody color. Yeah, it’s right on (and off as it’s that big) my tattoo!
Yeah…Sleep time now me thinks…*curls up in a ball*