Uh…Yeah…A title is suppose to go here,,,

*sigh* I’m feeling a bit…Eh…I don’t know what to call it.

It’s that whole not hearing from Todd, not seeing Todd. I know it was only Monday that I did hear from him…But it’s been so long since I’ve gotten to see him, be near him…& I’m worrying I want too much.

I love him…& sometimes I wish I didn’t. It would just be easier…If I didn’t really love him, this last month, where I haven’t gotten to spend anytime with him…It would of shown me that…I would of said to hell with the whole thing, and given up. But I do love him…And it’s agonizing to be separated from him.

But I’m not sure how he really feels…To what degree he feels. He’s told me that he loves me…But I don’t know how much…He didn’t say ‘a little’ the last time…& he repeated it a couple times. He’s told me that (if he didn’t think it was ‘gay’ to say he had one that) he would say I was his best friend. He’s told me he feels like I’m the only person (outside his family) that really cares about him. Which I do…I care about him so very much. But I don’t know how he feels, completely.

*feels slightly betters* Phone just rang [3:00 PM]…Todd was returning my phone call from this afternoon. J Didn’t stay on the phone long, he was heading back to a nap. Apparently he was at work last night…I didn’t see the Blazer there because he had his mother’s van instead, because his Blazer is having not starting issues. *sigh* He hasn’t a clue what’s wrong with it, he’s figuring as he’s had the thing a year, and it hasn’t had any major problems yet, that it’s time for it to have a major, going to cost a lot, problem. Though we can all hope not.

Yeah…Still doesn’t do much for how I was feeling in regards to some of my thoughts…But he did call…So I know he still wants to talk to me. [Why am I so bloody paranoid over this?! Gods…I shouldn’t be. Seriously, I don’t usually have people just stop talking to me…There was Blake…But I stopped talking to him too…I didn’t care to call him, he didn’t care to call me. *shrugs* It was the weirdest parting of the ways every…ANYWAY…]

I don’t know…I know nothing…My brain is rotted. *nods*

Homework updateness thing:
1.) I have my art bag ready to take in Monday for my conference with Doug for Drawing II. I finished Buddy’s picture. So I’m done with Drawing II (aside from classes).
2.) 2-D design I am done…Just have to show up to class on Tuesday.
3.) Life Drawing…I need to finish my sketchbook. I’ve got the drawings sorted out for my portfolio. I don’t have the multi-study picture…I don’t know if they did those on a day I wasn’t there or not. *shrugs* So I definitely won’t be getting a 4.0…I’ll actually be surprised if I get a 3.5…Might be looking at a 3.0.
4.) Creative Writing. *groans* I’m having trouble with revision. *sigh* I can’t get my brain to write. I fixed comas and what nots. I wasn’t sure what else to do, unless I add a couple chapters…*sigh* Blah. *falls over* I don’t know how to get my brain going.

*has done a tiny bit of Christmas shopping*

I’ve got…3 things each for the Critters…1 thing for my Mum…& a couple odds & ends for some others.

Harley (thus far)
1.) Black ‘trench’ coat. It’s actually a long-ish guys coat, but it should be trench coat length on him. He actually said he wanted a trench coat of his own, so I’m hoping he’ll be happy with it.
2.) A can of Lincoln logs.
3.) A package of Ninja guys.

Sonja (thus far)
1.) A pair of black Tripp pants. They didn’t come with chains, so I’ll have to get her some of those to go with. But she said she wanted black ones, even black trim, not coloured like the rest of us have…So she should be quite happy. [Especially since her father made her take her favourite pair of black pants back to his house, where she will hardly ever have a chance to wear them…How bloody stupid is that?!]
2.) A can of Lincoln logs.
3.) One of those black velvet colouring sets, stickers and what not. She really likes them.

Mum (thus far)
1.) A pair of pyjama pants with Stewie from Family Guy on them. [She keeps saying he’s her hero. *laughs*]
 

****Several Hours Later****

Well…As Mum needed something from town, I has forgotten to pick up a couple things last night, and just wanted a couple other things…Went back to Gaylord tonight.

Part of the reason too…The weather wasn’t being too bad for the moment, and I didn’t know if Todd ever found a ride home from work. In all honesty, I was hoping he hadn’t…But…Alas…His dad dropped him off at wherever his sister was at, so Todd could get the truck from her, so he had a ride home. *pouts* I had been hoping I could take him home.

Even though I didn’t get to take him home, I did get to see him…Get to talk to him…Even got a hug! J He actually came out and sat at my table for a few minutes while I was waiting for my hot wings. Yes, hot wings, two nights in a row. Tonight’s were extra yummy though…Not sure why, they just tasted superb.

It’s really been an up and down kind of day. I attempted to start work on the Critter’s classmates yearly Christmas ornaments…Opened a brand new box of Sculpey, and the stuff just crumbled in my hands! O.o It was completely worthless!

I was close to heartbroken. L Especially after how excited I seen that Duane got when he seen the leftovers from last year on the counter, and anticipated one for this year.

Well…While I was at Wal*Mart, despite them being out of Sculpey last night, I decided to check again…They had some hanging there…I poked at it through the little window they have in the package…It squished under the pressure. Yesh! So I bought two boxes of squishy Sculpey! So I shall be able to make the ornaments after all. *is flooded with happy relief*

Well…I was trying not to get my hopes up of getting a Christmas present from Todd…Now, I know there is not even a chance…He found out what was wrong with his Blazer…Fuel pump…To the tune of $600.00! O.o
Oh well…Tis better to give than to receive anyway…& I already got him one thing, more of a gag gift [A cheap version of at Rubik’s cube…Cost me $1.00 @ Michael’s.]…The other is something, sort of more practical…For him anyway…Something I would of never thought I’d ever be buying…Or encouraging the use of. *shakes head* He d

oes strange things to my brain.

I still need to work on my Life Drawing sketchbook & my revision on my story…I attempted to work on it at B.C.P. But I couldn’t concentrate on it there either…I think because I didn’t have a viable excuse to be hanging out that long…& part of me was worried about the weather kicking in and causing trouble on the way home.

I think that’s about it…*skips off to have dreams of Pizza Boy*

Oh yeah…In the last two days I’ve managed to break the zipper on one of my favourite pairs of jeans & bust the zipper on the boots I wear most of the time. So…I’m down a pair of pants, and out boots that I can wear while there is snow on the ground! [My other boots have too high of a heel to wear when there is a chance of slipping.]