#23…Wish the world would all go away.
1:45 PM
The worst of the destructive thoughts have been hanging around in the back of my mind, and no so much in the back of my mind of late. Least I know it’s not something to do, it’s a foolish thing to do, foolish to even to contemplate. Just with everything…*sigh*…It’s the thought of something controllable when things don’t seem…Something I can focus on that is physical, not emotional. Blah…
Anyway…I’ve done nothing that I was suppose to do…Even after being up before 9. I’ve pretty much wasted all the time I’ve been awake. And what I have done is pointless.
Mum coped an attitude because I didn’t jump and want to take Sonja with me shopping today. Bloody hell! Gee, I thought I might stop and see about talking to Todd. Yeah…I so want to attempt to get five minutes of his time while he’s at work, to talk about us, when I’ve got one of the Critters with me. Of course, I couldn’t say that, or she would of really had a friggen cow.
What’s realling f#cking stupid…I’ve got less than an hour before I’m suppose to be leaving, and she goes to take a bath. *rolls eyes* Whatever. Fine…So I guess I’m taking Sonja with me, and if she’s not bloody out, well, Harley will be turned loose on the house.
*gives up for the moment* As I’m too frustrated to even think…Not that it matters…Never seems to work right anyway. *sigh*
6:16 PM
Returned from the weekly shopping. *sigh*
Wishing I’d just stayed away from B.C.P.
I got to see Todd, but didn’t get to talk to him…There were a lot of orders from the looks of it…So I guess busy could have been a viable excuse. But it felt like he didn’t even acknowledge my existence. Jericah (sp) said he was in a bad mood, been pretty moody all week or so. [Which really doesn’t help either.] She did tell me something though…Todd has Monday-Friday off. She told me I should show up at his house and pound on his door (as I kind of slipped that I haven’t really talked to him much in the last three weeks, and she asked if we were suppose to be going out, and I said that we are suppose to be).
I just don’t know what the hell is going on…Aside from having to hear Sonja say ‘It’ll be okay’ or ‘It’s okay’, or something along those lines a half a dozen times on the way home. Which is exactly why I didn’t want to take her with me, as I didn’t want to have to put her in that situation. She’s already had to deal with me a couple times at night when I tuck her in and start getting upset.
*sigh* I just want to crawl off into a corner and cry my eyes out…It’s the least destructive of the thoughts that wander through my head. *sigh*
