This entry is a mess…Enjoy. *laughs*

Tuesday, July 10th, sometime after 10 PM

MSN Personal Message: Just know I’m here if you need me. *hugs*

Written after he said he didn’t want to talk, because he had a bad day. Was feeling hurt/hurtful, and didn’t want to say/do anything to hurt me.

*sigh* He is…distrustful. In the back of my mind, the voice who likes things easy whispers…’Why put yourself through such?’
The thought of dismissing him…The thought of telling him forget it, I don’t want to be made to deal with such…It causes my heart to ache, painfully.
I know it’s not going to be easy…I don’t/wouldn’t expect it to be. [I betrayed him! Yes, it was years ago, but he’s carried that hurt with him…He’s trying to get past it, but he’s suspicious by nature…As he’s had it happen to him repeatedly since.]
Thing is, Tuesday is his day to do for his parents…And he had a REALLY bad parent day. [Understatement from what I do know, though I know I don’t know all.] *sigh*
Anyway…In an attempt to feel better he came online looking for me (who had too much off-line stuff to deal with to be able to be online). I of course, wasn’t on…He clicked on my messenger card thing, just to see me (which I doubt was very successful either, as I change my icon to something other than me usually when he’s not on). He found, somewhere, Derrick listed in my contacts list. Sent already hurting boy, hurting further…Even though there was no need.
After a bit…And some side-trackedness…I believe we got things sorted out for the time being. I know it’s not going to be easy…I would be a fool to think it would be…But I do believe it’s worth it. I know the kind of person he was before…Sweet, loving, caring…And I know he is still that way, even though he is older, and time changes people. Yes, he’s untrusting, for now, but that is something we have to work on and through…He’s scared…So am I.

Anyway…Aside from that…He asked me about my writing…*grins*
I sent him a snippet for laters in the roleplay…Then went into typing mode with a bit of back-story to go with it in messenger. Then kind of went into babble mode about my sissy. *giggles* *hugs Raya*

*skips around yesterday*

1:00 PM Had my ortho appt. [Like I mentioned in my previous entry,] I’m down to ‘half-days’ with my retainer…’nights’…I figure midnight to 10 AM. It feels quite weird not having it in…Like I’m forgetting it. *laughs* [Which I did forget to put it back in at midnight last night. *laughs*]

Went to that S.M.I.L.E. thing for Friend of the Court…Learned it stands for: Start Making It Livable for Everyone. [Dudes! We’ve already managed that, without this waste of time! Ahhhhhh!]
It was, what I more or less figured it would be…Expect with more speakers, and a video. *rolls eyes* *dry weak laugh*
It’s all about common sense people!
Though I do know/understand, as it’s been pointed out, repeatedly, common sense is not all that common.
And I know, in traditional divorces, there tends to be a lot of animosity, hatred, anger, etc. Which the people let interfere, and effect their children. Common sense would say you do what you have to do to make the children’s life as good as possible.

I rode over there with Dan [Look it’s his real name! *laughs*]. We pretty much had the same thought…It’s all common sense stuff, and that we’ve been doing a good job dealing with all of it. [Guess, from what he said, some of his friends have started to say things about me, and he tells them to shut it. Wouldn’t know why they would have anything to say about me, as none of them know me…But people are like that I suppose.]
We both know that we are just one of those cases of two people who don’t belong together…& that we get along better now.
I even got steak dinner out of the deal. He was hungry, didn’t feel like the leftovers in his fridge, or firing up the grill…So we stopped at Ponderosa. Steaks were only $1.50 more than the buffet…So what the heck.

[Minor interruption: I don’t know all the details…But Mum’s friend Cindy found out she has cancer today. They told her she has options…She’s going to talk to her regular doctor before she decides what she’s doing for sure. But she’s going to be off from work until the end of August at the earliest. *sigh* Hopefully having options is a good thing, and that this is taken care of with a good outcome.]

 And an MSN bit…As I haven’t put any up in a while…This one is just too cute not to share. *giggles*

*I was away for a bit…He wrote this while I was gone…Said it was because he was sitting there looking at my picture* *giggles*

Bill says:
There once was a woman named Jenn…
Whom I trully believe is a Ten…
I’d push her around all day in a cart…
Because she always seems to melt my heart…
I’d build her a well…
Because she makes my heart swell…
I’d care for her night, and day…
I just guess I’m strange that way…

I had surveys I was going to do…But didn’t get them finished filled out…Too much other stuff going around in me head. Though I did get 3 entries written today! Felt quite good to be writing. [Bill asked me about my writing again tonight…I went on and on for a while about it. And he just listened, it was nice…It’s nice to know he’s interested in what I’m doing. *smiles*]

Here is a quiz thing I took the other day…*has been feeling quite vampire-like for a while now again*

What Hellsing Character Are You?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

[Yeah…Just ignore that one little word there…*cringes*]

I tried to do this personal DNA thing…I couldn’t get the little picture to show up. [I’m getting a DNA complex] I also has this visual DNA thing I tried to put up the other day, it wouldn’t work either. I’m going to have to type up everything I got on it, as I can’t even copy and paste what it said.

Anyway…Here is what the Personal DNA had to say about me.  [It didn’t want to even post right…So if things are messed up in this entry…Not my fault.]

You are an Artist  

 

Your appreciation of beauty, ability to think abstractly, and innovativeness make you an ARTIST.

Never one to be tied to a particular way of doing things, you let your imagination guide you in discovering different possibilities.

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You would rather seek out new experiences than stick to your everyday habits, taking in as much of the world as possible.

Your eye for beauty and your willingness to consider different perspectives make your creative efforts interesting—even though you may not realize this yourself.

You prefer to think about things before voicing your opinion, considering a wide, diverse range of options.

While there are forms and styles that you prefer, you tend to keep an open mind when it comes to your artistic preferences.

You are curious about things, interested in the "why" more than the "how."

You have an active imagination that leads you express yourself in a distinct way.

You’re not one to force your positions on a group, and you tend to be fair in evaluating different options.

 

Be more open to risks in your creative efforts, and don’t be quick to dismiss the praise of others.

Think about how attention to detail may help you be more sure of yourself.

 

Your awareness of those around you, along with your nuanced perceptions of the world at large, makes you the GENEROUS person that you are.

You value time to yourself and understand how rich your private world can be—you know that you don’t have to go wild to have a good time.

You are excited and energized by ideas and often enjoy things more through observation than through experience.

This tendency gives you an appreciation for different perspectives and opinions about the world.

Being as aware of others as you are doesn’t mean you find it easy to trust them immediately—this is something that happens more slowly for you.

Despite this, you are aware of the complexities of many situations and are reluctant to pass judgments on others.

Although you have fewer friendships than some people, those that you have are meaningful and are important to you.

You value spending time alone—it is while reflecting on the world around you that you often learn something new about yourself or begin to understand something that’s been bothering you.

 

Given how attuned you are to others’ thoughts and feelings, you might find that trusting people more is a way to broaden your perspective even further.

While you know how much can be learned from observing the world around you, remember that much of life can be lived by experiencing it, not just by understanding it.