Too many things to give a real title to.

Let’s just start with the YouTubes, so they don’t get lost in the shuffle.

Just a couple Zuko’s…

Zuko is my Superman

 

You’re Not Zuko [OMGs…I so didn’t know what song this was when I was downloading it…And it was only a few days ago I was thinking that this song would be so perfect for Zuko!]

 

On with the entry…

These are my thoughts. I can’t help it. But this is my diary. So I can say what I want.

If this is to help me forget, I should just let you know, it’s not going to work. There are things, physical, mental, etc. that will always remind me. I look out the window, the ground is covered in snow. The words of songs, they resonate in my ears…Some, I can’t even listen to right now (and that’s not even the ‘sad’ ones). Whispered words…’uncle…’ I can’t bear to tell them. Little things that should have no bearing…Things said in talking. The mention of a month. The mention of a length of time. The mention of an age. Things that are just laying around…
TV shows…That list of movies that I’m suppose to watch (all I did was mention I had to add one)…I’m going to read the book…I said I would…And I will.

Harley seen my ‘scratches’ today…They are healing…Just so you know…If you care to know.

I can still laugh…But it’s not the same. I can still smile…Though I’m not sure why to try. For the moment, I still feel…But…It would be easier if I didn’t, I know. I guess some emotions really are better off suppressed…Pushed into non-existence. I will survive…Because I have no choice. Part of me though…

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*pokes at potential movie(s)* Apparently there is, in the works, a three movie deal for…A live action Avatar The Last Airbender. I’ve seen happy, and unhappy thoughts on the subject, as seemingly the movies are to be written/directed/produced all by the same guy, who is not a part of the original Avatar group. *shrugs* So I guess it’s a wait and see kind of thing.

OMGs…*rolls eyes* Take a couple of EMT courses and you think you know more than the doctors do. I’m the one that takes care of the kids…I’m the one that knows when they are sick, and what their symptoms are. I know that a high grade fever is more serious in an adult that a child…And that as long as it goes back down with medication he’s going to be bloody well fine. Go away! *kicks Pet who thinks he knows anything*

Today’s the first day I’ve had a ‘real’ meal in three days…Not that my eating habits are indicative of real meals anyway. Mum still gave me a look…Noting that my plate was smaller than the usual, and that the cut of meat I had was less than what I would of taken usually as well. When my plate was empty…I felt nauseous. Same way I felt after my bowl of noodles the night before, and the breadsticks the night before that.

I’m pretty sure the couple handfuls of jellybeans were not a good idea last night…Just as I’m sure the frozen cookie dough I’m eating currently isn’t either…Nor will be the cookies when they get out of the oven. But if eating is going to make me feel like puking anyway…Might as well eat something that’s suppose to have that effect. [Okay…Edit the thought of gouging myself on cookies…Blah…Ate 3 uncooked and 3 cooked…half dozen cookies is enough I think.]

Worked some more on my dress…The bodice is pretty much done. Just need to do the bottom seam/hem (as soon as I figure out how it goes), and putt the eyehooks on it. Then it’s to the work of making the skirt. I’ve got most of the sewing done on the skirt…It’s just gathering of the underskirt, and figuring out how the rest of it all hooks together.

I was cutting up some meat this afternoon, and my hair was falling in my way. I seriously considered just taking a handful of it and cutting it off. Didn’t want to get dead cow in my hair though. Asked my Mum what she thought about green…She didn’t seem too keen on the idea. It went with near spikiness. [Did you know spikiness is an actual word…the spellcheck told me so.]

Anyway…To go with the ranting in the pet’s direction. Harley is not feeling well. He didn’t go to school today, and I do not think he’ll be headed to school tomorrow. Not sure about Sonja…She was a bit feverish earlier, nothing like Harley, but something.

Today I almost likened myself to the KingPriest…Until I realized what I was saying…Then I just stalled in talking, had to take a moment to regroup my mind. I can’t remember how I got on the thought to begin with now…I’m not sure how/if my brain is working at all.

As I wrap this up for the evening…
Current feeling: Quite empty. There is a hollow ache in my chest. Deep and Abiding.

I’ll probably change my diary name tomorrow.
I need new pictures…And a new icon…And things…

Here’s a survey…

1. Made out for more than 3 minutes?

I’m sure I probably have…

2. Slept in a different bed?

Diffrent from what? Wait…Bed? *looks at futon* You’re suppose to sleep in beds?

3. Made out in a movie theatre?

Nope.

4. made out with 2 different people in one night?

Er…Um…Yeah…Suppose so.

5. Thought your cousin was hot?

He wasn’t my real cousin. His mother was just married to my uncle. *laughs*

6. Been in love?

Yes…

7. Slept?

Slept? Is that like sleeping? I’ve heard of sleeping…I hear it’s good for you…Hmmm…I might have to try it sometime.

8. Taken a shower with the opposite sex?

*shudders* Not a thought I want to relive.

9. Gone over the speed limit?

Yes…Can’t help it…I like to go fast!

10. Painted your room?

No, but I’d like to…Just as soon as I get a room I can call mine. I’m suppose to get to put murals up all over the house. Been here 8 years, hasn’t gotten to happen yet.

11. Drove a car?

Yeses.

12. Danced in front of your mirror?

Yes! Tis much fun.

13. Gotten a hickey?

Ages, and ages ago.

14. Been dumped?

Yes.

15. Stole money from a friend?

No.

16. Gotten in a car with people you just met?

Good Samaritans that were helping out a stranded motorist.

17. been in a fist fight?

Nope

18. Snuck out of your house?

Not really.

19. Had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?

Yes…

20. Been arrested?

Nope.

21. Made out with a stranger?

Nope…It’s always nice to at least no someone a bit first, don’t you think?

22. Left your house with out telling y

our parents?

Yeah.

23. Had a crush on your neighbor?

Nope.

24. Ditched school to do something more fun?

Yeses…

25. Slept in a bed with a member of the same or opposite sex?

Yes.

26. Seen someone die?

Nope…*shudders*…Seen some near death.

27. Been on a plane?

Nope.

28. Kissed a picture?

Yes. *laughs*

29. Slept in until 3?

Yeppers.

30. Love someone or miss someone right now?

Yes…*sigh*…To a painful extent.

31. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?

Yes…It’s been too long.

32. Made a snow angel?

Yep. Back when I hadn’t realized that snow was evil yet.

33. Played dress up?

Yes.

34. Cheated while playing a game?

Not that I can recall.

35. Been lonely?

Yes…

36. Fallen asleep at work/school?

Yeps…To both. *laughs* [Late nights at a gas station can get pretty boring.]

37. Been to a club?

*thinks* *wonders if JT’s counts* There was music…and dancing…and the over 21 set could drink. It’s as close as what Traverse City had at the time, I’m sure.

38. Felt an earthquake?

Nope…Don’t get too many of them in Northern Michigan.

39. Touched a snake?

Yes! *huggles snake* *remembers a diffrent snake* O.o Fresh snake. *laughs*

40. Ran a red light?

Um…Oops? *laughs*

41. Been suspended from school?

Nope…I was the good child. *smiles*

42. Had detention?

Yes…Didn’t say I was the perfect child. *smirks*

43. Been in a car?

Yes. Helps to be in them to drive. *laughs*

44. hated the way you look?

Yes…*pokes at self*

45. Witnessed a crime?

Nope.

46. Been lost?

Yes…Physically, mentally, spiritually.

47. Been to the opposite side of the country?

No…Been to a coast…The East one…Not sure I’ll ever see the West coast now.

48. Felt like dying from embarrassment?

It happens.

49. Cried yourself to sleep?

Yes…

50. Sang karaoke?

No…I can’t sing. Plain and simple as that.

51. Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t do?

Yes…And something I told someone else I wouldn’t do. *hangs head*

52. Laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose?

Nopes.

53. Caught a snowflake on your tongue?

Yeses.

54. Kissed in the rain?

Not that I can recall…I’m thinking that would be something that stuck out too.

55. Sung in the shower?

No…But I have, badly, in the bath tub. *laughs*

56. Had a dream that you married someone?

*thinks* Um…I can’t remember.

57. played getting married?

Um…Yeah…*shakes head at self*

58. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole?

No…What kind of person would actually do this?

59. Ever gone to school partially nude?

Not unless tank tops count as partially nude

60. Been in a wreck?

Yep, a couple of them.

61. Sat on a roof top?

Yes…That’s been a long time ago too.

62. Didn’t take a shower for a week?

*takes baths* Baths are goooood.

63. Ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone?

I’ve freaked myself out a couple times…But still watched anyway.

64. Played chicken?

Not that I can recall.

65. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?

Nope.

66. Been told you’re pretty?

Yeah…

67. Broken a bone?

Yeses, collarbone…It mended with a bump in it.

68. Been easily amused?

It happens on occasion.

69. Laugh so hard you cried?

Yes!

70. Cheated on a test?

Nopes.

71. Forgotten someone’s name?

Yeah.

72. Blacked out from drinking?

Uh…Bloody Rum.

73. Played a prank on someone?

*tries to remember* Can’t think of one outside of roleplay…Though there seems to be a thought nagging in the back of my mind.

74. Gone to a late night movie?

Yeah…

75. Made love to anything not human?

*Wonders if some of my ex’s classify as not human* I know we all have doubts whether Mike is human or not. *smirks*

76. Failed a class?

Yes.

77. Choked on something you’re not supposed to eat?

Uh…

78. Played an instrument for more than 10 hours?

No.

79. Cheated on a girlfriend/boyfriend?

Yes.

80. Celebrated the 4th of July?

Yes…Though not last year…*glares at Critters*

81. Thrown strange objects?

Define strange.

82. Felt like someone?

Like someone other than myself?

83. thought about running away?

Yes…*wants to run away on occasion now*

84. Ran away?

Not technically…I went out back of my house when I was little, and came back before my Mum even knew I was gone.

85. Had detention and not attend it?

Not that I can recall.

86. Made your parents cry?

Not that I know of.

87. Cried over someone?

Yes…

88. Owned more than 5 sharpies?

Oh my yes…*hugs sharpies*

89. Dated someone more than once?

Yeps.

90. Had a dog?

Yes…*sigh*

91. Owned an instrument?

Yes…Had an organ, a flute…Own a harp currently.

92. Been in a band?

Nope.

93. Drank 25 sodas in a day?

I don’t think so…Gods, that’s a lot of pop.

94. Broken a cd?

Yep.

95. Shot a gun?

Yes. Blah…Prefer bow & arrow.

96. Been on myspace for more than 5 hours?

Hell no…My Space is EVILE!

98. Have a major crush on someone right now?

*sigh*

99. Have a religion?

No specific Dogma…Working on the whole spiritual thing…Or at least I know I should be. It’s on my to do list…*sigh* Gods, what a list that is.

100. Thought about what people would say at your funeral?

Not a whole lot…Once in a while I wonder what people would think/feel when I die.