How did this happen?

Okay…I shall quit stalling. [As I have been doing so by looking up who does what voices on what cartoons. *laughs* Anyway…]

I think I found part of my discontent…*pokes at Raven* She’s weak. [Luckily this is something that can be dealt with and fixed as time passes]

I figured this out this afternoon…I’m not sure how or why the thought popped into my head, but it did, and I realize…It was quite true.

The first time around, Raven had plenty of life experience to draw upon to bring her strength to the surface (as the strength is there, internally, it just needs something to set it in motion). This time…Well, simply put, she hasn’t has anything to draw it out.

Originally: Raven spent the first 11 years of her life in an orphanage, where she was the outcast. She had to become self-reliant and strong to survive. Then she moved to the Leaky Cauldron, where she worked on occasion, and she worked at Madam Malkin’s robe shop, wanting to provide for herself, as she had always had to do prior. Aside from that, she had her friend Dominic, whom she lost…Witnessing him getting killed even. So by the time she got to Hogwarts, she was a very strong individual.

This time around: Raven’s been raised by Naamah. And although it wasn’t the happiest home life, and without that whole Mother/Daughter bond…It wasn’t a cruel fate either. Granted, yeah, she’s yelled at Naamah a couple times, but it’s been out of frustration (and really who hasn’t at least wanted to yell at the ‘parental figure’ in their life at some point). But really…She hasn’t had any ‘real‘ trauma or anything to test her at all. So she’s…*pokes at her* Well…weak.

While this was wandering around in my head, an instance came to mind. This came out in notes even, before I realized that there was this change. In the previous/original roleplay, even when faced with danger, and ultimate seeming looming doom (because Gods, she just found it so easily). Raven could be facing what was certain death, or close to it, and even if she wasn’t speaking the words out loud, taunts and insults would still be swirling around her head. Example: Raya, Raven and Ashton were in Hogsmeade (at least I think it was all three of us), Coleridge had just killed Nathan (Raya’s boyfriend at the time), and was pretty much preparing to kill some more of us off. (Joy! Not. *laughs*) Anyway…Though she was smart enough to keep her mouth shut at that point, Raven’s mind was still working to toss out things that had she actually spoken them, she probably would of ended up dead.
YET…This time around, we are presented an example by way of notes.

You will astounded by what you shall learn about Lilins. *strokes hair* They really are intoxicating creatures. [Coleridge Black]

W-what do you know of Lilins? *steps backwards* [Raven Pegasus]

*steps forward* *in a seductive voice* I know…what sexually inept creatures they are. Kin to the Succubi, I believe. *snakes arm around waist* And, how they feed of their lovers. *shivers in delight* [Coleridge Black]

*eyes go wide* *shakes head* No…*bites lip* Th-that can’t be. *attempts to push self free* [Raven Pegasus]

Despite the fact of knowing Cole is evil incarnate, I got to thinking, the first time around, Raven would of probably held her ground instead of taking that initial step backwards. Then in the second note left by Raven it reads ‘*attempts to push self free*’. Attempts? Attempts? What is with this attempts business? First run Raven WOULD HAVE pushed herself free. *pokes at Raven some more* What has gotten into you girl? *shakes head*

So yeah…Knowing what the deal is, is helpful though, as I can look into and decide the things that need to be done to remedy the situation.
My plot is still, straggly. *laughs* I do know she’s going to have a bit of an upset upon the Full realization of what her heritage is/means…Which will cause her to push some people away. Plus I know an event that will happen, that will bring a bit of that so needed ‘trauma’ into her life, as well as make it so she has to open back up a bit more to those closest to her, or that would be close to her, if she’d only allow.

Aside from that…A whole lot of nothing. Went shopping today. Used the gift card from the father-thing to pay for the ‘everyday’ stuff. As that way I can use the money I saved to spend elsewhere. Elsewhere in this case shall be Amazon.com. With that $25.00 + my change, which is over $20.00 again…I have enough for Avatar’s first season. What I really covet is season/book two. [As 1.) I believe season 2 has more Iroh, or at least, showing more of who he is. & 2.) I want to pay a bit more attention to Toph…So I will have to rely on catching re-runs on TV. currently. Toph being a blind Earth Bender.] Alas…The first single volume of that doesn’t even come out until the 23rd…And the second volume not until April 10th! *pouts* I’m not sure when season three is set to start on television. (Though I mourn the loss of Mako…The voice of Iroh…As he died this past year. They have replaced Mako with a voice student of his. From what I’ve read, he is suppose to be very good.)

Well…I do believe that’s it for this entry. Sleep shall be calling me soon.