My rambling for the night. *EDIT*

Let’s see…

Raya is no longer Raya…As she has decided to shed the nickname that has become so connected to her character as to not really be hers anymore…So now…Raya, rather Jessica…Is, well…Jessica.

Also…Grim has declared me a freak for having a shred of human emotion left. Though I’m thinking I really should disregaurd it, as it does nothing for me. FYI: It hurts more to have someone I care about call me a freak, than it would for some stranger who means nothing to me call me a bitch. *shrugs* But like I TRIED to say…It would depend on the situation, who, why, and what not. Why do you ask such things of me when I’ve told you I’ve just woken up? [I was still half-asleep, and for whatever reason, emotionally charged when writing that…I know it wasn’t meant as I took it. As Grim calls me a freak a lot. Just…*shrugs* Hit a nerve this morning I guess.]

Random Critter questions:
Sonja: Do penguins have belly buttons?
Harley: Do penguins have smell holes? [Meaning, do they have nostrils?]
*laughs* Tis moments like those that are one of those ‘own rewards’ things. That, and Sonja currently using the ‘Stress Relief’ program on the compter, putting the objects into the hands of the current desktop backgroud residents…Which happens to be a pair of baby penguins…Hence the penguin questions as well. [Yeah…The Raven/Severus desktop has gone bye-bye…Been gone for a week yesterday. It was the Earth til last night when Sonjs somehow misplaced it.

Changed the screen saver too…It had been ‘Severus Snape and Raven Pegasus: The Half-Blood Prince and his Princess.’ Now it just lists W.I.T.C.H., Xiaolin Showdown, and Avatar: The Last Airbender…And says something about the power of the elements after it.

*snickers*
Harley says: Cows go moo.
Sonja says: Yes, cows do go moo. I only say they go neigh when Uncle Grimmie is on the phone.

And the nightly bore them with numbers…
Word count for the day: 1,991
Word count total: 31,200
That still leaves me 473 words behind what I was suppose to have for the day.
By the end of the week I should be at 35,007. [I don’t know, those last 7 words might be hard. *laughs*]

Chapter three of The Witch Stones is up…I have four and five finished, just not up, and working on six.

Last night…Missed oppertunity? *shrugs* Don’t know. Was thrown off a bit. But, I don’t know…Today feels…*sigh* Diffrent. Maybe I’ve just finaly hit reality. Evil reality, sneaking in poking at me.

Rolled die…It said 13.

Monday, November 20, 2006 12:04:10 AM
Forgotten…Lost and Alone…Tis how I feel currently.
Nothing new in that really, been feeling like that a lot again lately.
The confidence I was gaining has shaken once more. I don’t know why…It just has. *sigh*
Everyone is has got things going on…I feel out of the loop.
Who am I kidding, I don’t have a loop. A loop requires people to be in the area…Right?

It’s the first time in a while I’ve felt so…Empty inside.
There was always something…Still lingering…A type of hope?
Hope to glimpse that saught after attention…Hope for something, even if I knew it was false.
I knew in the end it was nothing…That was what I was told after all…Right?
I think the end of it died…Early Sunday morning.
It would hurt…But that would take too much caring.
Caring doesn’t seem to get me much of anywhere.

Trapped…That’s how I’m feeling again.
Like I’m never going to get out of this mess.
I’m never going to come up with the words that will set me free.
And if I do…I’m not going to have the courage to say them.
I hate this…Hate living like this…Empty and Alone.
I just want someone to love me…Even if it’s not real…
*sigh* I don’t care about real…Why should I?
I’ve spent the last couple years away from real.

I ache inside…My heart…It feels like…*sigh* It’s ready to shatter.
I guess…*sigh*…As I have nothing better to do…I shall [try] to go to sleep.
12:23:49 AM