What is love?

A bit of an entry back one…

What is love?

Wikipedia says:
Love is a condition or phenomenon of emotional primacy, or absolute value. Love generally includes an emotion of intense attraction to either another person, a place, or thing; and may also include the aspect of caring for or finding identification with those objects, including self-love. Love can describe an intense feeling of affection, an emotion or an emotional state. In ordinary use, it usually refers to interpersonal love, an experience usually felt by a person for another person.

Okay…Going to try to do this…and not be an absolute mess.

First the letter I wrote to Raya…

Bloody hell, I’m so confused. I swear I don’t know if I’m coming or going. Common sense tells me one thing…but when has common sense ever did anything for me? I mean if it had been working last week…I wouldn’t be so messed up this week. *sigh*

Common sense tells me that things just wouldn’t work out. Tells me we are too diffrent…there would be too much we’d disagree on…I mean,yeah, we got along this week…but it was only a week…and I’m not sure if either one of us were thinking too clearly for most of it.

But…Him being gone…it hurts. It wasn’t suppose to hurt like this.

I was foolish to think it wouldn’t change things…wasn’t I? I thought things would just go back to normal. Like I even know what normal is. Normal left…It ran away…far, far away. *sigh*

Just about every time I pass Harley’s room, I stop and look…I don’t know what the hell I expect to see…I’ve gone in there and laid down on the bed a couple times. I feel comepletely rediculous admitting to such things. The littlest things set my eyes to tearing up…Which I’m most often having to choke back, as it would be oh so easy to explain…not.

Why can’t he just do something to piss me off? I mean he’s so good at agravating me…why can’t he just do it now? *sigh*

Instead I find myself waiting for my bloody phone to beep and shake telling me I have a text message…*beats head on desk*

Why coudln’t I just…I don’t know…

Okay…now that I’ve probably either confused you, or depressed you…or something…I don’t know…I’m going to go see if I can at least take my mind of things for a bit…I so need to get something written for rpg.

*hugs tightly* Thanks for reading my babble…
~Raven

Letter I wrote to Grimmie…

Why is it you were here for a week, and it only seemed like a matter of days…and now…you’ve only been gone for two days, and it seems like an eternity. I keep telling myself that I’m not suppose to feel like this. Still, I can’t seem to help it. I lay down on Harley’s bed earlier, resting my head on the pillows there, knowing only days before your head lay there.

I keep wondering if you’re thinking about me as much as I’m thinking about you. And if you are…what exactly are you thinking about. I find myself not so much thinking about what may be the obvious, and more on some of the littler things. Like twords the end of the boat ride, and it was starting to get cold out, and I was so cold that I was getting goosebumps and shivering…and you put your arm around me to keep me warm. Or sitting in Harley’s room when you were flipping through songs you wanted me to listen to on your PSP, just being there…I don’t know…It was just…nice. Just standing in the hallway at night when we were going our seperate directions (wishing we didn’t have to go our seperate directions).

I caught myself humming ‘Witch Doctor’ to myself…and remebered when you were whistling it while we were going through the Jordan, and I had to tell you what it was…Still haven’t figure out the Christmas song that you had come up with on the way to T.C….on the way to the airport. I think I hate airports. Though the one guard lady outside did let us go up to the fence, so we could be closer to the runway, and see the plane better. Stupid plane anyway.

~This is as far as I had gotten before talking to you and telling you I was writing it.~

You kept asking me what my favorite part was…And I keep saying the whole thing…because it was. But those I mentioned earlier are a couple that really stand out in my mind. Just little moments like that…Sweet little moments that I’d forgotten could be so nice. If you’re going to make me choose though…I think I’ll have to go for the when I was cold on the boat. It was sweet, and comforting, and…it was just really wonderful.

It must seem like I’m taking forever to write this…and I guess it is…it’s just I can’t seem to get my thoughts straight, or the words to form…It’s one of those few times that even my writing seems to fail me. Guess because I can’t get my brain to get the thoughts to come to it in words that make sense. I’ve got an ache inside, feels like my heart is going to collapse upon itself, or rip itself to shreds, or something…And everytime I think about how far away you are, it aches even worse.

I miss you so much…I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve listened to Scotty Doesn’t Know…mainly because it makes me feel like you aren’t so far away…

*hugs tightly* I wish right now that I could hold on to you and not let go.
I can feel my lips aching too, as they miss your kiss. I think that is my only regret…that I didn’t get to kiss you good-bye…*sighs* I hate good-byes.

*hugs&kisses*
I love and miss you,
~Kit

Letter I got back from Grimmie…

Kit,

Just as a prior note, if you feel/want to crying… but don’t want to because of my thoughts on you crying… go ahead, because sometimes it helps…

I know exactly how you feel. The time I was there passed by so quickly, and when I’m here it seems each hour is taking a days. I swear everything reminds me of you, about something that happened in Michigan. Even my friend driving, how he drove a little off the shoulder and into some gravel for a second…
I loved being in Michigan, I felt… free. Now that I’m back home, the same ol’ burdens are starting to crush down on me. The happiness/joyful me is gone right now, leaving in it’s wake the sarcastic/vindictive me.

About us… I don’t think that it’d be a good idea. I do love you Kit, but I don’t think I am a good person for you. I’m young and naive, and I think there’s someone out there that’s better for you. I do love you Kit, so much… but if something happened and we lost out friendship… I don’t think I could take that. I’ve thought I lost you before, and a piece of me died. If I lost you now (since my visit to Michigan changed

our friendship… made it stronger… or something…) I’m not sure how I would be able to deal with it. I wish I could be there, and just hold onto you. Whenever I was able to hold you in Michigan, it was just great.

I’m not sure what else I should say… except that I love you Kit. More than you probably know.

:: hugs:: I wish I could hold onto you Kit, but unfortunately… there’s just a void…

:: hugs&kisses::
I love and miss you… so much, everything reminds me of you

~Grimmie

Okay…Thing is…I know he’s right. Our friendship is too important to risk losing…and like I’ve said before…I can’t offer anyone what they deserve at this point. I love him a great deal..there, I admit it. I miss him so much…
Can’t really get my thoughts completely sorted out at this point…Guess I could always just throw myself fully and completely back into roleplay…Gods know I need to write some entries…

*hugs Grimmie tightly*