Started as a rant…not sure where it went.

Is there some reason why you can’t be happy for other people, or accepting of other people? Is there some unnamed need within you that makes it so you have to try and find flaws in everything and everyone that is not you, that doesn’t fit with your thoughts? If you don’t agree with someone, if their opion is diffrent, you automatically conclude it to be wrong. And if someone disagrees, you want them to sit down an list all the reasons why they  belive the way they do, and then all you do is pick at what they say, pushing your own thoughts and opions in the way of their thoughts and opions.

Most of what you do pick on is thoughts and opions…which, in case you haven’t realized…we are all entitled to our own of these things. How many people have you driven away acting like this? It’s quite annoying and agravating to have to deal with. Exspecailly when you attack something that someone cares about, or is passionate about, just because you don’t feel the same way about it. People have diffrent tastes and intrests…it’s part of life. Not everyone is going to like the same bloody things…we are all individuals for a reason…Otherwise life you just be incrediably boring.

And I’m sorry that others have to deal with such things just because they were unfortanate enough to know me.

Convo from earlier:
Grim says:
hey
Raven says:
hi, again
Grim says:
readin more of that sarah’s diary
Raven says:
oh
Grim says:
Gotta love her way of thinking, "How in the HELL can a half-Jewish person who hates Bush ever be racist?"
Grim says:
Hitler was 1/4 jewish
Grim says:
and he’d hate bush
Raven says:
What does Hitler have to do with it?
Grim says:
She is saying there’s no way she could be racist, and thats one of her reasons
Grim says:
just pointing out that’s not a good reason
Raven says:
I’m sure she feels as a half-jew it is a reason to her.
Grim says:
And?
Raven says:
And what?
Grim says:
That’s like saying that cop beat up a black man because he was black, and that is a reason for him.
Raven says:
Well if he’s a racist and doesn’t like black people, the cop would say it was a reason for him.
Reasons are going to be like Opions. Everyone is going to feel diffrently about them.
Grim says:
That doesn’t make it a good reason
Raven says:
I never said it was. I’m just saying for her it is a reason.
Grim says:
and I’m pointing out it’s a bad reason
Grim says:
I’m starting to hate "blogging".
Raven says:
blogging?
It’s a bad reason to you…which is your opion…It’s the way the world works. Not everyone is going to agree on what is a good reason or a bad reasons.
Grim says:
So you’re saying the cop and black reason wasn’t a bad reason. They might not agree on every reason but that’s no reason to simply stop saying opinions about them.
Raven says:
No, I’m not saying it wasn’t a bad reason.
Grim says:
Blogging, the term meant to post what happened in your everyday life/opinions so the whole world will know of them.
Raven says:
Racism is stupid
Grim says:
…
Raven says:
If you don’t like it, don’t read it…it’s as simple as that.
Grim says:
Not really
Raven says:
<stron

g>Not really to which?
Grim says:
To the it’s as simple as that
Grim says:
Because it’s starting to trascend into pop-culture, which I hate
Raven says:
You’re not being forced to read it…It’s your choice, your desicion…no one is sitting there holding a gun to you head.
Grim says:
Just to know it’s there is annoying.
Grim says:
So I think I’m going to boycott OD now.
Grim says:
And every other blogging site.
Raven says:
Just to know some people are breathing is annoying…but it’s not like we can just kill them off.
Fine, do that, then it won’t bother you anymore.
Grim says:
…right…
Grim says:
:: hugs::
Grim says:
I have to go do homework now (…evil…)
Raven says:
*hugs*
Raven says:
It’s good for you
Grim says:
If you post something in OD and it’s important to me, email me or tell me on MSN ok?
Raven says:
I doubt that I’ll have anything to say that you’ll find important.
Grim says:
:: hugs::
Grim says:
we’ll see
Raven says:
*hugs*
Grim says:
bye
Raven says:
Bye

Do you even realize that sometimes what you say can hurt people?

Okay…I realize I have no ‘real’ life, so instead I have a surrogate life. And even if that doesn’t make sense to you, that’s just the way it is for me right now. I’d rather be Raven than be me…or, Gods forbid, Kitana.  I’m not the same person I was when we first met, that person has changed, evolved, etc. 

I was never as conncected as much to Kit as Raven…as I never put as much of myself into her. It was more things I wish, and things built apon of other charcters. Raven and I are almost the same…take away the Hogwarts setting, take away that kind of magic…and yeah…age me, despite the fact that no, I don’t feel or act my age. Raven loves to sew and dance…as do I. Raven feels deeply, and is more trusting than she should be…so am I. She sees through my blue eyes, I comb through her purple locks. I feel her love, and her pain (though luckily not the physical stuff, as that would just bloody well suck). 

My real life is less than satisfactory…I’ll admit, I have to take responsibility for part of it. I chose to stay in my unhappiness, because it offers a false sense of security. (Yes, it’s a false sense of security, I do realize this…it’s not real because it could all tumble down just as easy as anything else.) So instead, I give my heart to those who can not hurt me…not the first time I’ve done it…sure it won’t be the last.

I love, as Raven loves, Severus Snape…a whole hearted love, the willingness to give someone all that is you. Or at least try too. In a perfect world, nothing would come inbetween the two of them. But the world isn’t perfect, and Raven (as I am) is human (well she’s mostly human). I/she/we are flawed. One of those flaws, that I didn’t realize I shared with her (though I suppose, she needed some flaws, right) is that of a very powerful lust. A stong longing to need to be loved, to need to feel loved…even if there isn’t any real love involved. Also the need to call something love…even if it’s not quite the love that one would hope or desire it to be. Raven tells (or will tell) Peter she loves him. It’s not like the love she shares with Severus…it’s simply caring about someone quite deeply (as she explains to Sirius later, that it’s more like the love she has for Uncle Remus and Raya…yet at the time, Raven makes it into a physical force, because she needs someone to be there for her).

Which brings us to what has come (will come) to be between Raven/Sirius.  Her heart is/has been shattered at that point, she feels like she’s lost Severus. The whole world she has built for herself has fallen apart…she’s alone, and lonely, and needy. She gets drunk in order to have an excuse as to why she behaves as she does…but if you notice the foreshadowing in my entries (though since this is addressed to one who doesn’t read them, I can assume you haven’t…though I know others who have read my Raven entries, and who have seen the foreshadowing will get it) when the time comes for the inital occurcance, it’s obvious she knows what is lik

ely to occur. She made the choice, in the company she was in, to do what she did.

"I hate you."/"There’s a thin line between love and hate."  <— There’s a reasoning behind this as well…(and why do I get the feeling this has gone from it’s intended rant, into an explanation of what is to come in roleplay? Oh…it sort of has…anyway…)  Raven doesn’t want to feel the feeling that’s crushed her and caused her so much pain. (Damn…I know how that works.) It’s so much easier to just feel hatred, so you don’t have to care, and don’t have to worry. There is still that need for a physical connection…but with refusing to let love be involved, she falls back onto the other end of the scale.

Gods…my head is begining to hurt again…Sleep has sucked majorly the last two days…And I’m not really sure those last thoughts came out as clearly as they were suppose to.

On a more ‘normal’ note…I’ll get to answering the 10 thingy for those of you who have put it up and I haven’t done yet. The lack of proper sleep has effected the brain’s ability to work…and I just can’t think or find the energy to do it.

*looks around* February ran away.
Be that as it may, it’s now March.
Ron Weasley’s b-day
6 days to GOF
9 days til Uncle Remus’s b-day
13 days til the full moon (proper) [12 days to the first night, 14 til the last night]
16 days til Raya’s new half-brother Ryan’s b-day
17 days til my Mum’s b-day
23 days til Dominic’s b-day
30 days til April