Feeling better today

I’m feeling better tonight than last night. Which is a very much good thing. I want to thank everyone for their wonderful and encouraging words…Which is why OD is such a great place to be. *smiles*

I’ve never been real good with the whole self-esteem issue…Years of ridicule throughout school will tend to do that to a person.  And despite knowing deep inside that none of what the prats back in school said was true…doesn’t help the fact that it still snuck into my psyche when I wasn’t looking.

Raya is right *hugs*…I can’t just sit here and say I want to do this, I want to do that, and then contiue to sit and do nothing about it. I’ve got to actually put the effort forward to do it. Which really, scares the bloody hell out of me. But, little baby steps, right?

I found some body templets online this afternoon…and have printed them off now. So I’ve got a stack of body poses to work with. When I went into town I picked up two pads of drawing paper. I need to find some kind of notebook to keep everything in (as I printed out some info sheets as well). I need to get some poster board (to mount drawings on), and a seperate notebook/binder to keep my designs in. I also ordered a book off Amazon.com today on the subject of designing.

And thanks to arwen_adora/Severly Snape, for her wonderfully encouraging words as well…Exspecially the singing the praises of Raven. *laughs*

I read through Azi’s diary last night…I really liked what was going on there at the begining…before he became just another Hogwarts student. I like the stuff with him and Romy and Celaeno…when they are all at Obeah. And as much as I’ve come to see Naamah as the villian type…It was nice to glimpse that woman she was before again. Though I’m still not sure I can take Raven out of the Hogwarts setting…Still…perhaps she does have an alternative universe "7th" year in her somewhere.  (Gods I hate the thought of taking her from Severus’s side though. *laughs*)

So if anyone gets bored…and needs something to read to kill some time…I’d like a few thoughts on Azi and the Obeah crew. *points* Linkage here——>  Azi Amata

*hugs* Nell…What would I do without my Uncle Remus’s words of wisdom?  And you are just as wise outside of roleplay as you are in. *smiles*  A lot more so than me…And thanks for telling me I can still be a princess…As strange of a thing as that may sound…it still means a lot to me. *smiles* *hugs*

And Nina/Nic is right…I still have a chance to climb the wall…I just have to get over my fears and do it.  Of course the hard part is getting over those fears…But if I can do it for something little and seemingly insignificant as that…isn’t it possible that I can do it for other things as well?
Are you really willing to wear a shirt I’ve made? Really?

I’d forgotten until earlier today that somewhere…someone does have something I made (other than myself). A few years back I sewed a dress for one of the DragonLancers…she was suppose to pay me for the material…but she never did. Blah. Tried to find pictures…but I’m not sure where they are anymore.

Wrote this last night…when I was feeling quite crappy…it’s not that good either…but I figured I’d make you suffer a bit more.

I am nothing
Darkness surrounds my world
It eats away at my soul
Everything I would be
Fades before my very eyes

I can feel the spiral
It wishes to spin
Out of control
Down, down, down
Until I am gone

Emptiness eats away
My heart decays
I want to love
But I’ve given up
I feel utterly lost

Yeah…that sucks even more than I thought it did. *laughs* Oh well…Everything can’t be gold…I really do need to dig some of the good stuff out though…If I’m going to be putting that rubbish up. Blah. *laughs*

Actually, I should be going to sleep…though I feel like I’m starving. And Raya keeps bringing up that bloody turkey and swiss sandwhich…Gods…that sounds to bloody good…I think I must got to TC this week-end…somehow…But I think Mum is working all week-end…and I don’t want to take the kids with (I want to climb the wall I think)…Need to go to Meijers…get turkey…get Jaffa Cakes…get more sparkling juice…I haven’t had anything (other than coffee and tea) worth drinking in a while again.

Critter B is ‘awake’…scratch that thought…as he has just curled up with his sister on the floor. They are so cute when they are sleeping.  Still…I think perhaps sleep should be paid a visit by me.