Gives a whole new meaning to being mental…

I…Blah…I really don’t know.

I was fine, and then…I wasn’t.  I guess I’m just a bit…*sigh* Gods…I don’t know.

~Liar~

Oh, thank you, so nice of you to step in and call me names.

~Just being truthful.~

So what would you have me say? That I’m insecure and petty, and worry over stupid things?

~Um…Yes?~

*raises eyebrow*

~Well, it is the truth after all, is it not?~

Minor detail. I prefer…

~Creative story telling. Yes, we all know.~

Well, I would much rather on the whole be Raven. Dubius taste in men and all. I hate being me.

~Well how do you think I feel.~ *rolls eyes*

I don’t recall asking you.

~If I waited for you to ask, I’d never have my say.~

There is a reason for that you know.

~Yes? And that would be what?~

Um…Well…I had one, but it seemed to slip my mind at this moment.

~Brilliant.~

*sigh*

~May I suggest bed-time?~

You may, don’t hold your breath that I’ll listen.

~So nice of you, ignore me.~

Thank you, I think I will.

Amazingly enough, after that mental little exchange I’m feeling a slight bit better. Guess I just needed a good arguement with myself. Although I’m not sure that would qualify.

I don’t want to go to the pet’s grandmother’s house (or where ever we are going for sure) tomarrow (rather later today, since it’s already in the am) for Thanksgiving dinner. It’ll just be a reminder of the things I’m not thankful for.

Azi’s entry got to me a bit…I almost wished I was there…in the memory part…it seemed, fun. *small smile*

So many people are wishing they had someone to be with this holiday season. And I shouldn’t have to feel that way. Yet…I appear to have what they want, and I would rather be without it. I guess it’s because all it is is the appearance of having…really, truly…Bloody hell…I hate reality, it has a way of pulling wake-up calls on you when you lease expect it…So much for that bit of a better.

I think I’d rather be alone…then I would have an excuse to feel this way. And no one would have to wonder, or question. Yet…the pet is too blind to even realize or take notice…or just doesn’t care enough to care about it…I don’t know.

Sometimes…I’d just like to go back, and change things…But you change one thing, many more would change…I don’t know…My brain is just over taxed I guess…*sigh*

I have the pet, in the real world, yet…I feel nothing that I should twords him anymore. I just don’t bloody care anymore. Too much has passed, and there is just…nothingness…Yet, I still sit and do nothing about it, because I don’t want to upset the easy way of things. So instead, I suffer.

My feelings in roleplay are more real than my feelings in real life it seems. My heart aches for love(s) I can not have. I desire someone to make me feel like I imagine that they make me feel. (Yes, I’m fully aware I’ve gone plural…Bloody hell, me and my messed up mind. Yet even the worse of the two -for I am fully aware of just how…warped/twisted/*insertyourownwordhere* the later of the two is- would be preferable to that which I have now.)

Perhaps I do need to head off to sleep…though Critter B is now semi-concious…Not sure how easily he’ll go to sleep. Though once I lay down, he’s liable to lay down as well, and drift back into the world of dreams.

Perhaps a dream will come to me…Something nice, something pleasant. So yeah…I guess I’m off to try and dream of Severus…and well…yeah…nevermind.